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I don't get embarrassed easily. Actually, I rarely get embarrassed. I can count how many times in my life I've felt embarrassed.
But I would be annoyed by service people being sarcastic if they were slowing me down when I'm in a hurry. Those examples of sarcasm given by progmac aren't even witty.
I understand jokes...I "get them" and realize that they are jokes...I don't take everything literally and I "get" when people are playing and trying to "pull my leg."...All of it is very obvious to me...Some of this stuff is ok and fun once in awhile but not all the time...I don't want to be part of someone's "show" or "skit" all the time...I feel like saying: "Come down to earth...Step off the stage...Let's have a real conversation for awhile."...But this is just me and how I feel...We're all different. I don't want to be a perpetual "jokster." ....By the way my Mom wasn't sarcastic all the time...just once in awhile....She could be very tender and caring at other times....We became close friends and stayed friends until she died. She stopped being sarcastic with me when I got older and we had wonderful and interesting discussions about "everything under the sun.".....I have these same type of interesting discussions with my son today....We "play" too but don't do sarcasm with each other.
Honestly CA I really do think I understand what you're saying. Truthfully, I can think of many times and places where sarcasm shouldn't be used. I can also understand how memories of cruelly sarcastic episodes in someone's life could cause one to be more sensitive to sarcasm than others. I'm sorry you've felt like the odd one out here....truly. I have to be honest with you, if I was surrounding myself with ONLY people who were sarcastic, or inappropriately so, it would get old fast. I would be searching out some more "appropriate" company. My momma used to say, "Everything in moderation" and "It's not good to do ANYTHING to excess". I truly believe that most of the posters here simply know when and how to use "sarcasm". I can imagine that there are many times when every one of them have some "wit" come up and yet they swallow it, KNOWING that "now is not the time". LOL
Ever since my husband passed away (4 months ago) my son and I have become close to a couple who have 3 young sons...They have been a godsend to us and very caring. We spent Thanksgiving with them...My friends...the Mom and Dad are very sarcastic with each other and with their sons...The oldest son can be a teeny bit sarcastic at times but the other 2 boys are pretty docile and don't "talk back" when they are the target of sarcastic statements...As you can imagine it all seems pretty weird to us but we've had a chance to see their love for each other despite all the "wise-cracks."....It's almost as if they are afraid to admit that they care about each other...But it's obvious that they do care just the same...They seem to have trouble admitting that things bother them....They seem to feel obligated to act "fine and dandy" all the time...We come over and talk openly and honestly about our feelings....We don't "joke around" and pretend to be "fine and dandy" when we're "down" or sad or worried about something etc....When we're really happy we show it too...My friends and their sons are never sarcastic with us and I'm sure that they notice that my son and I aren't sarcastic with each other either but we do "play" at times and laugh...We're not somber and serious all the time...We express all of our emotions freely in honest ways....I raved and raved about my friend's cooking at Thanksgiving and this is how I really felt....The turkey she made was the best I'd ever tasted and I said so....A lot of the day was full of "snide remarks" and "wise-cracks" and jokes and even "pranks." But we were able to merge our cultures pretty well and come together with love and joy and gratitude that we have each other as extended family now.....despite our differences.
Just because people are sarcastic does not mean that they don't have deep meaningful conversations. I am not one to pretend that everything is fine and dandy all of the time. I actually hate it when people do that. It has nothing to do with being sarcastic or not. Also keep in mind that just because your friends don't express their love for one another in front of you, does not mean that they don't do it when you are not there.
I think some posters are getting sarcastic humor confused with ironic humor. True sarcasm is by it's nature bitter and meant to make someone uncomfortable. It's defined by the tone you use, as well as what you say.
For example, your 16 year old saying if you ask him who he's going out with for the evening, in a deadpan manner "oh no one, just a bunch of hookers I met at the drug dealer's this afternoon" - that's not sarcastic, it's ironic, because he obviously wouldn't really be doing that. Now, if he has been known to pick up hookers, and he is known to frequent the drug dealer's on occasion, and he delivered that line in a bitter voice but he was only going over to visit his grandma, that would be sarcasm.
I think some posters are getting sarcastic humor confused with ironic humor. True sarcasm is by it's nature bitter and meant to make someone uncomfortable. It's defined by the tone you use, as well as what you say.
For example, your 16 year old saying if you ask him who he's going out with for the evening, in a deadpan manner "oh no one, just a bunch of hookers I met at the drug dealer's this afternoon" - that's not sarcastic, it's ironic, because he obviously wouldn't really be doing that. Now, if he has been known to pick up hookers, and he is known to frequent the drug dealer's on occasion, and he delivered that line in a bitter voice but he was only going over to visit his grandma, that would be sarcasm.
To me that is just wit, that someone thinks that fast on their feet is pretty good, since I am not the OP I do not know if she was talking about actual sarcasm or wit. For all those who have posted examples of sarcasm, I viewed it more as wit, then as sarcasm. To me to use sarcastic and humor in the same sentence is wrong, but that is just me and I can be quirky.
I had a lot of empathy for my Mom as I got older because I know she felt obligated to appear tough and strong and even macho when she was worried or had troubling feelings...Growing up it was considered a sign of weakness for her to admit to feeling sad or "down" or "lost" or disappointed or even angry at times...She tried to hide feelings that she considered "taboo" through sarcasm or false fronts and tried to act like she was "okay" all the time no matter what...Later in life she became more comfortable admitting to all that she felt....even sadness. Good that she had so many other "sides" all along too...When she was "at peace" inside of herself she could be very tender and loving and soothing. My Mom's friends use to come over all the time to talk to her when they had problems in their life....She was the "neighborhood psychologist" and had a special way of comforting everyone.....Later in life she finally learned how to comfort herself and cut herself some slack when her feelings got the best of her....But she "stayed funny" and had a great sense of humor at times....even though she let go of the sarcasm and her "biting ways" and false fronts.
Just because people are sarcastic does not mean that they don't have deep meaningful conversations. I am not one to pretend that everything is fine and dandy all of the time. I actually hate it when people do that. It has nothing to do with being sarcastic or not. Also keep in mind that just because your friends don't express their love for one another in front of you, does not mean that they don't do it when you are not there.
That's true. But I can understand what CArizona is saying about her friend's family. I do know families that can't express their feelings and pretend they are happy all the time. My sister lives like that. She has to pretend she's happy all the time around her husband.
But I think CArizona is making the mistake of assuming that all families that use sarcasm aren't serious, have trouble admitting things bother them, aren't affectionate, don't directly deal with problems, etc.
We're very straightforward in my household. We're also very loving---hugging multiple times a day. When we use sarcasm to diffuse an intense moment, we can easily address the underlying issue because the atmosphere is no longer tense. It's tense, then we laugh, then we go into "okay, seriously. We need to talk about this." And things get accomplished!
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Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
I think some posters are getting sarcastic humor confused with ironic humor. True sarcasm is by it's nature bitter and meant to make someone uncomfortable. It's defined by the tone you use, as well as what you say.
For the most part, you're right. I mostly have ironic humor. But on occassion I use outright sarcasm. Like the time my husband was mumbling and complaining to himself, and I told him if he didn't stop mumbling to himself, he'd have to go live with his work partner (who annoys him!). He burst out laughing. I sure didn't intend to send him to live with his work partner, and I wasn't avoiding an issue because my sarcasm made it VERY CLEAR that I had a problem with what he was doing! Then we sat down a little later and talked about the little things that make him mumble and complain. He can't stand empty ice cude trays in the freezer. He understands that's his "issue" he has to deal with on his own, but the rest of the family acknowledged that making an effort to fill the ice cube trays is a worthy venture.
Just because people are sarcastic does not mean that they don't have deep meaningful conversations. I am not one to pretend that everything is fine and dandy all of the time. I actually hate it when people do that. It has nothing to do with being sarcastic or not. Also keep in mind that just because your friends don't express their love for one another in front of you, does not mean that they don't do it when you are not there.
It's obvious to me that my friends care about each other and their sons whether they say it out loud or not....Good that you like to talk about things directly....It's not always easy. It's not always easy for me. But it seems to make things worse when I keep things "bottled up" and try to "go it alone" or when I deny that something is bothering me.
CArizona, I'm sorry to hear about your husband passing away. I can't even imagine what you're going through. My condolences.
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