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This morning (Saturday) as we were getting ready to go to my DD12s activities, she became very quiet and I could see something was bothering her. After a while, she finally told me what was happening: There is a girl who is in all her classes at school and she "thinks" this girl is "talking about her" because the girl talks about everyone and is very nasty about it.
I told my daughter not to be upset and she's not even sure if the girl is talking about her or not. I said even if she is, what's the big deal? If she talks about "everyone", then it's obvious this girl has no life, no interests and is making a hobby of talking about people. SHE'S the one with the problem. I also explained to her that people are going to "talk" no matter what you do or don't do. People just like to talk about other people. She can't grasp that, though, because she really has no interest in putting other people down or hurting other people's feelings.
My daughter said it still bothers her because she didn't do anything to make this girl talk about her, etc, etc etc....
Girl Drama....
I've told my daughter there are ways of dealing with this:
1. Ignore the "talker"
2. Confront the talker and ask her why she would have so much to say about you or why she would make up stories about you.
She said it's hard/impossible to ignore it when you hear it all the time and she's not the type to walk up and confront someone.
I know many of you have dealt with or are dealing with this type of silliness. What do you do?
I have a 13 year old and I feel your pain. It seems like there's always those girls who have the need to constantly stir the pot. I always tell my daughter to be nice to the drama queens, but DON'T get involved with them. Smile. Be friendly. But as soon the pot starts to be stirred, just walk away. Plus, if she's nothing but kind and people STILL talk about her, well then that tells you more about them than it does her, right?
She had a really hard 6th grade year because of all the drama- probably because she was always the one to confront the gossiper. Now that she's grown up a little, she realizes that it's just girl's nature to talk about others and it doesn't get to her. In her experiences (from what she's told me), confronting is the worst thing you can do, because if you think about it, that's what the drama queens want- for the pot to be stirred. So far in 7th grade, there's been almost zero drama (at least to my knowledge). She's made a ton of new friends who are NICE and I encourage her to focus her energy on those friendships- not the ones that caused her so much hurt and drama. Tell your daughter to do the same. Nice girls are out there!!
I have a teenage boy. Trust me, it is not just a girl thing. I tell my son to just be happy with who he is and not to worry about others. Ya..I know easier said than done but really, I don't know what other advice there is to give. Not caring what others gossip about is a good skill to have because one day your daughter will get married and have in-laws.
Last edited by fallingwater; 12-04-2010 at 11:51 PM..
Reason: spelling
Be the parent who organizes activities with several of her friends. Take them places, invite them over, etc. Never be afraid of driving the group to things. You learn a lot when you are trapped in a car with a group of middle schoolers! You also help your child to form her own core group which will strengthen her. Once she has her own BFF's she won't worry so much about what those other girls say.
I'll let you know. It does get better when they are out of high school. Or maybe it gets better...at least you don't hear about it so much.
Honestly, the best thing is for her to develop a strong core of good friends and do their best to ignore the other girl if possible. Keep an eye on things though and keep the lines of communication open. Many of these things are just a phase in middle school but if it does get beyond "normal" middle school girl cattiness, you do want to know. I'd also agree with keeping her busy and being the mom who drives. You do learn a lot that way.
I have a teenage boy. Trust me, it is not just a girl thing. I tell my son to just be happy with who he is and not to worry about others. Ya..I know easier said than done but really, I don't know what other advice there is to give. Not caring what others gossip about is a good skill to have because one day your daughter will get married and have in-laws.
And in the workplace.
I have some unpleasant memories of an individual that I first encountered in elementary school, we met again in college--SOS--I thought I had 'dealt' with her--one day she was transferred to my place of employment---and the 'S' started all over again.
This time I was able to find one other person that understood how manipulative she was. Small comfort. Absolutely obsessed with advancing herself---and a small, petty, bitter person--to those of us who really knew her.
Stay Away--as far away from people like that as you can and watch your back --if you have just cause confront them and be very clear and firm.
This morning (Saturday) as we were getting ready to go to my DD12s activities, she became very quiet and I could see something was bothering her. After a while, she finally told me what was happening: There is a girl who is in all her classes at school and she "thinks" this girl is "talking about her" because the girl talks about everyone and is very nasty about it.
I told my daughter not to be upset and she's not even sure if the girl is talking about her or not. I said even if she is, what's the big deal? If she talks about "everyone", then it's obvious this girl has no life, no interests and is making a hobby of talking about people. SHE'S the one with the problem. I also explained to her that people are going to "talk" no matter what you do or don't do. People just like to talk about other people. She can't grasp that, though, because she really has no interest in putting other people down or hurting other people's feelings.
My daughter said it still bothers her because she didn't do anything to make this girl talk about her, etc, etc etc....
Girl Drama....
I've told my daughter there are ways of dealing with this:
1. Ignore the "talker"
2. Confront the talker and ask her why she would have so much to say about you or why she would make up stories about you.
She said it's hard/impossible to ignore it when you hear it all the time and she's not the type to walk up and confront someone.
I know many of you have dealt with or are dealing with this type of silliness. What do you do?
Can I suggest an alternative approach.
Both of the suggested actions feed the paranoiah that is within the daughter. Mom even said her daughter only thinks the girl is talking about her. She doesn't even know this and even if she did know it, why is it having such a negative effect on her.
The next thing, and of course this is hard to get, but perhaps there is a deeper issue to resolve first and that is what is it that causes the daughter to be even worried about this. Yes I know the reality that most of us feel bad when someone talks about us or leaves us out or excludes us and that is tough as an adult and even tougher as a kid. But what is her issue or issues that mean that she is impacted so badly by even just thinking that people are talking about her.
Perhaps the daughter needs to do some self evaluation to help her resolve the issues such that she can have a mindset that is not bothered even when people really are talking about her let alone reacting to possibly imagined actions of others. To do such self evaluation required the help of others and mom is probably a good person to start to help in this way.
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Not caring what others gossip about is a good skill to have because one day your daughter will get married and have in-laws. 
