Laundry Lists....... " I'm so busy"... (childcare, SAHM, infants)

[NYMD67]

Okay~ so this will probably start another SAHM vs. working mom war...
Oh well.

I am a SAHM , have been for about 8 years. I didn't stay home in the beginning because I wanted to, it was convenient for us because we had just moved and we thought it was an easy transition into parenthood vs. me also trying to find a new job & being a new mom.
Never went back once I realized how much our children really needed us at home and we were, thankfully, able to do it.
I have thought about working pt now that our children are in school, however, truthfully, I find myself even busier now than when they were infants.
Homework is a huge thing,school & extra-curricular activities such as dance,soccer,etc.... they require a parent to be there to take to & from and one child is involved in scouts, and that does require some parent paticipation, although some do choose to use it as a babysitter.

So, I have many friends who work. Some because they have to, most, well, to be honest, it is to maintain a certain lifestyle.
That is their choice though, I do not care one way or the other.

What I do care about however, is the laundry list of things that they are doing and their excuses as to why they can't compose a 2 minute email or why they are so forgetful,etc...
I am tired of the "Work is so busy, I can't do this, I can't do that"
or "I wish I could be at little Susie's recital, but I just can't , can't get the time off".
You know what? I am busy too, even though I am at home.
I don't make excuses though, I try to make time for my friends, I don't say I can't write a quick response email because so and so had brownies or dance or whatever....
It gets tiring listening to it , especially when you know that they don't need to be working. It's all about being able to buy the fabulous Fall sweaters that are out (and that I want!! ) or being able to have their interior designer come and help them pick out paint colors,etc...
If I worked, I could be doing the same thing. My husband makes a really nice salary, our combined income would be wonderful! but, I have chose to not work.
That does not make me better, it is just what works, but again, I don't want to listen to people complain about working... It is so tiring & boring.

So, if you have to work, I am sorry, I am sure balancing home,work,and everything else is a difficult thing. I am grateful to be able to be home.
For those that are working to keep up with the "Jones family" , well, I don't have alot of empathy for you. Take your kids out of all their activities then if you feel you can't handle it, but don't expect anyone to empathize, you are working for your own reasons.

[chicagojlo]

Since you've never been a working parent, you haven't experienced what it's like to have to constantly prove your commitment to your job, especially if you are female. Once you become a parent your boss automatically thinks you are going to slack off, takes every request for time off as yet another 'special request' that non-parents aren't asking for. And in this economy it's more competitive than ever in the workplace, there are more than enough young singletons lining up to take your job.

Unless you do your friends' taxes you really don't know if that is their sole reason for working. You might think that, but you don't know.

[NYMD67]

No, I know..... He is a partner in a law firm, they live in an extremely modest home, we have been friends for many,many years. I know. She is working because she wants to, that is the only reason & there are many,many more out there that are.

I do understand how competitive it is out there, I didn't say I haven't ever tried to get a job while being a parent. Once it started to look pretty gloomy out there, I stopped looking.

This thread isn't suppose to be about how hard a working woman has it. It is about people making excuses as to why they feel they can't do things,get things done, but if we are at home, we shouldn't have a problem with it.
Everyone is busy, everyone.

[maciesmom]

While I understand your frustration with "some" people, I think you'd be more accurate to identify them as "some" people rather than just "working moms". Having been both, I can honestly say that there are "some" SAHM's who are just as non-responsive and annoying. When my DD was in first grade not one of the SAHMs would volunteer to be a Brownie leader. Not one. Who did it? 2 working moms. Some people are do-ers and some are whiners and slackers. They come in both working and SAH varieties.

[lisdol]

I don't think its the working that is the problem for some people - some people are just better organized and better at multitasking than others. I am a SAHM and I have working mom friends who have a better handle on and organizational structure of their family life than I do. Part of it may be out of necessity to stay organized and part of it may just be in their nature to be organized. Some people handle it better than others; some learn how to, and some just muddle through and forget things sometimes.

My Dad was here visiting and he remarked "I am amazed at the amount of data you have coming at you at any given moment and how you can sort it out and deal with it" Meanwhile, I am feeling completely befuddled by it all rather often. whoever said women can multitask successfully was making a huge generalization. Most moms have to multitask but not all of us can do it successfully, SAHM or working mom.

I wonder (and hope for my family's sake) that if I were to go back to work if I would get better organized.

Everyone is different. I have friends who have family schedules that I could not maintain - it would physically exhaust me and I would get sick. I also have friends that have simplified their family life to one much simpler than mine because something busier was not working positively for their family.

Just wanted to throw a different perspective in there. Some of us just suck at keeping all of the balls in the air and drop a few rather often - its a constant learning/re-training experience to keep it all together.

[LeavingMassachusetts]

Lol, I know I sometimes come off as brash when I truly don't mean to. This time is not the case.

One time. Just one time, I want all the stay at home Moms to work full time AND do everything else. Better yet, be a single Mom and do it. No less then 50% of them will run crying back home and thank their lucky stars they don't have to work.

You do realize that while you are judging Moms who work you are being judged for not doing it, right? Honestly, in my lifetime I have heard the "I am so busy" excuse much, much more from you poor SAHM's than I do from working Moms.

Seriously, who are you to judge someone who has to work, raise children, run a household, run to activities, make cookies for PTO, Dr's appts, Dentist appts and 4 trillion other things? You know what? Maybe they do have time and they just can't stand your attititude.

[KylieEve]

I agree with your point that if your husband makes a good enough salary and you can get by on that salary there is no need for you to be working when your kids are not school aged. When they go to school you can go back to work.
If I didn't have to work I wouldn't be working. I'd be raising my own kids. I have to work though I have no choice.

[Dorthy]

I predict that this thread is going to get ugly.

Honestly if I was working full time and parenting I would have very little time if any for my friends. My free time would be focused on my family and I would probably see my friends when and if I had extra time. Personally I don't see anything wrong with that.

[chicagojlo]

[quote=NYMD67;16263132]No, I know..... He is a partner in a law firm, they live in an extremely modest home, we have been friends for many,many years. I know. She is working because she wants to, that is the only reason & there are many,many more out there that are. [\QUOTE]

That would make me question even more whether she was just working for a little spending money. He makes a lot and she works and they still live in a modest home?

I recently became a SAHM and a lot of my 1st grade daughter's class parents think that means I should be volunteering for everything now. I'm home because I have a baby and no childcare. If I had someone to look after my baby for free I'd be at work.

[Momma_bear]

I really think it's a matter of priorities whether someone works or not. Most people find time to do the things that are really important to them and will slack off on things that are not important to them. I don't think that is limited to mothers who work.

I really don't think it matters WHY someone works. It's not anyone's business but their own.