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Youre wrong. Shes out shopping with her sister now and attends no less than 4 lunches with her friends per week. Plus, she's over her parents hosue (retired and they live ten minutes away on foot) most of the week, so she's not managing the baby as she would if she were home alone with him. And, by no means is she depressed.
Okay well then it sounds as your wife might be a tad selfish and you need to address this.
A new baby will bring changes into any home. Sometimes women experience mood swings with the hormonal changes in their bodies… is she exhibiting any signs of depression? If so.. she may need to consult a doctor.
If not… is this new behavior or has she always behaved in this manor? Either way… the two of you need to sit down and discuss what you see going on. Try to keep the “emotion” out of your tone & body language or she will shut down and nothing will be accomplished. Be honest with your feelings and non threatening. Re-enforce you love the both of them and only want to improve your relationship by putting the balance back into it.
Often the behavior we adopt is because it is “allowed” … sitting and stewing will only give her the green light to continue and not resolve the issue at hand. This can be improved but only after both of you express your thoughts and feeling on the subject...can't be a one sided conversation... if you want it resolved. Just my 2 cents...best of success...Sunny.
BTW, my sister is a SAHM and she fixes her husband breakfast in bed, cooks, cleans, packs him a lunch, fixes dinner, does billing work for his business, entertains his business associates and takes care of a baby, all with a smile on her face. And she keeps telling me how LUCKY she is.
She will figure it out when you start stopping for a few drinks before coming home from work.
Really I am amazed at how selfish we have become as women.
Yes you are the head of the home but you have given it away.
Small steps to get it back, try one a week.
This week you say, honey I need to just take a quick 30 min nap. Then I will relieve you. Take your power back.
(i will be getting unrep points for this )
Just because she is out shopping or spending time with her family (are you just assuming that is what she does with her time while you are at work) doesn't mean she isn't depressed. Having a baby changes everything and it is a lot harder on a woman than it is a man. If she is doing the things you accuse her of, maybe it is because she doesnt KNOW how to get things things done that need done with the baby. Instead of being an ass, you could help her learn how to do it all or some of it while managing the baby.
You come off as being a man who thinks he is better than his wife, can do everything better- instead of being an equal partner. If you can handle being at home with the baby better, than why don't YOU stay home with the baby and she can go to work? (and curious as to how she has money to do all of this shopping and going out to eat with friends 4/week :/)
You need to wait until you are calm and not irritated with the situation and have a talk with her about your expectations and ask her what her expectations are.
IMO I think she is slacking a bit. My oldest had colic and would cry nearly all day unless he was being walked around, and even then a lot of times he would still cry. I still managed to get dinner on the table, keep the house fairly clean, and bathe the baby nightly. This was with NO family or friends in the area to help out at all. My husband did handle his own laundry and occasionally might clean the bathroom or something like that.
It IS very tiring and hard taking care of a little baby all day. She does need and deserve breaks. I think a fair compromise would be for her to make dinner at least 4 nights a week, keep the house livable (NOT immaculate) and to bathe the baby. I think you should continue to do your own ironing, take care of dinner the other 3 nights of the week, and have a set time (maybe an hour after you get home from work so you have that time to decompress) that you take the baby for an hour or so and she can have a break to do whatever she wants, whether it be read a book, take a bath, sneak a nap, or just watch some tv.
As long as you approach her in a caring manner and not in a accusing, hostile way I think she will understand where you are coming from and things will get a little more even keeled in your house. GOOD LUCK!!
i am no punk and whatever is on my mind I tell my wife. She didnt want me to put pics up on Facebook of the baby and I did anyway, so my family could see them. I do not cower in fear of my wife at all, and I will not be bullied. I dont know what kind of man you are, but in the end, the men in my family ALWAYS win.
Added to that, as I mentioend to the other poster, Youre wrong. Shes out shopping with her sister now and attends no less than 4 lunches with her friends per week. Plus, she's over her parents house (retired and they live ten minutes away on foot) during the day during most of the week, so she's not managing the baby as she would if she were home alone with him. And, by no means is she depressed. BTW I HAVE stayed home with the baby and I know how it is. I managed WELL!
Oh my! Your first paragraph makes me want to e-smack you! lol! It's not about the man or woman "winning" or you being a "punk"! It's about making a comfortable and functioning family envirnment for not only yourself, but your wife, and MOST IMPORTANT...YOUR CHILD.
I can understand your frustration. I can also understand her handing off the child to you when you get home, she has been with the child for 12 hours and assumes you want to see the child now, and spend time with the baby.
Explain to her that you are happy to spend time with the baby when you get home so she can make dinner. That maybe she could leave the baby with her family for a few hours during the week so she can do the shopping, errands, ironing.
But at the same time, your attitude does not sound so healthy to me. WHy does it have to be about winning and men vs women? Don't you have an equal partnership. I think you really need to calm down and talk to her before you build up any more resentment, she is your wife, and honor and respect goes both ways. Just sit down and have a heart to heart.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jlowkey
i am no punk and whatever is on my mind I tell my wife. She didnt want me to put pics up on Facebook of the baby and I did anyway, so my family could see them. I do not cower in fear of my wife at all, and I will not be bullied. I dont know what kind of man you are, but in the end, the men in my family ALWAYS win.
Added to that, as I mentioend to the other poster, Youre wrong. Shes out shopping with her sister now and attends no less than 4 lunches with her friends per week. Plus, she's over her parents house (retired and they live ten minutes away on foot) during the day during most of the week, so she's not managing the baby as she would if she were home alone with him. And, by no means is she depressed. BTW I HAVE stayed home with the baby and I know how it is. I managed WELL!
I think the OP needs to sit down with his wife, and have a calm, rational discussion about what each expects from this relationship with their new child. This is new territory for both of them. There are so many possibilities of what the wife is really feeling, and without a frank talk the OP is left with assumptions/guesses. It is quite possible that the wife is feeling equally frustrated, or is confused about what her role is, or could be secretly battling depression. The sooner the better that they have this talk as the OP sounds very angry, this has gone on too long. Bottling in your frustration is never a good idea, and as already suggested, go about the talk in a caring manner, not accusing. I would like to add though, it is not easy preparing dinner with a young baby. There is no reason why the OP couldn't pitch in and help with dinner while the baby is young, if there is no family at home to help at dinner time. Also as previously pointed out, it's not a contest of wills where the man should always win.
I do not cower in fear of my wife at all, and I will not be bullied. I dont know what kind of man you are, but in the end, the men in my family ALWAYS win.
The men in my family don't keep score. My marriage is not some sort of competition where I must conquer my wife. But, this isn't about me, it is about you and your problem.
If you always win, then simply tell her that you are no longer cooking and cleaning and that you expect her to get off of her lazy butt and do that and whatever other work you expect her to do. I suspect you will have plenty of time to yourself in the near future.
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New baby blues...
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