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My son is 14 years old (15 in Jan) and he has been dating his girlfriend for 7 months now. They really feel that they are so "in love" and, although I know the feeling of your first love and teenage years, deep down I am worried that it is not healthy for them to be feeling so much emotion for each other at such a young age.
They went to the same middle school and they both just started 9th grade and go to different high schools. I was (and still am) hoping that with them going to different high schools, they will meet new people, get into new things, and kind of grow apart from each other.
But I don't see that happening. At first, my son was talking about playing football in high school, and getting into different activities. Now, he's not sure if he wants to. It seems like he doesn't want to commit his free time to anything in school, because that means less time to see his "girl friend".
I am becoming really concerned about this. I don't want to tell him that he cannot see her anymore, because he is generally a good kid, and I don't want to give him a reason to turn into a rebellious teen. But I also don't want him to spend these wonderful years of his life "cookked" up under some girl and miss out on all that High school has to offer.
Although I had some difficulty in reading your post..I got the general jist of it. Have you spoken to her parents? I would strongly suggest that you do and maybe nip this in the bud. I know what it is like to have a first love and it seems only yesterday that I was in high school 'falling in love'. We all know its just hormones and with a pro-active discussion with her parents can sometimes help.
My son is 14 years old (15 in Jan) and he has been dating his girlfriend for 7 months now. They really feel that they are so "in love" and, although I know the feeling of your first love and teenage years, deep down I am worried that it is not healthy for them to be feeling so much emotion for each other at such a young age.
They went to the same middle school and they both just started 9th grade and go to different high schools. I was (and still am) hoping that with them going to different high schools, they will meet new people, get into new things, and kind of grow apart from each other.
But I don't see that happening. At first, my son was talking about playing football in high school, and getting into different activities. Now, he's not sure if he wants to. It seems like he doesn't want to commit his free time to anything in school, because that means less time to see his "girl friend".
I am becoming really concerned about this. I don't want to tell him that he cannot see her anymore, because he is generally a good kid, and I don't want to give him a reason to turn into a rebellious teen. But I also don't want him to spend these wonderful years of his life "cookked" up under some girl and miss out on all that High school has to offer.
Any insight/advice???
Well, the good news is, they are going to different schools this year.
I'd be sure to limit their time together, and supervise, supervise, supervise. In other words, if she comes over you have to be home, or if he goes there you must speak to her mom to be sure SHE will be there. No kid in either home when an adult is not going to be present.
You also need to come right out and tell him he is not going to be allowed to spend every free waking moment with her. You can't make him play football but you can tell him there is more to life than just his love life. Give him chores, require him to do community service (even just raking an elderly neighbors lawn all day one Saturday), and encourage him to join some clubs or groups at his new school.
You should fix the coding in your message. It's confusing to read.
What I've found is that if you tell him he can't see his "girlfriend" anymore, he'll just rebel and try and find a way to see her anyway. I have a 16 and 18 year old and have already been through this.
At this age their emotions are on such a roller coaster. They have to learn how to deal with it somehow. Going through it is a healthy way. It's going to be up to you to be a good communicator, but most of all a good listener. I went through this with my daughter. She wanted to spend every single second with her boyfriend. His family was very helpful in communicating and respecting our rules.
Agree with Mountains. (Again.) SUPERVISE. Do not be afraid to breathe down their necks. She is NEVER allowed in his bedroom. EVER. Tell her parents that he is not allowed in her bedroom. EVER.
Encourage friendships with other guys. Especially if they are on athletic teams. Your son needs someplace to direct all the energy to. And hormones.
Thanks for the replies and sorry about the coding...I think I've fixed it.
I have spoken with the girl's parents. Her mother called me a couple of months ago when she found out they were dating. At first we tried to nip it in the bud and say that they were too young to date, but then we found out that they were sneaking to see each other, so we agreed to let them see each other in a supervised setting.
In the summer time, they use to see each other 3-4 times a week. My thoughts were that they would see each other for the summer and then my son would get into high school and forget about her. Now that he's in school, I told my son that he can only see her on the weekends. But now that they aren’t seeing each other as much, they're constantly texting each other, or talking on the phone. I told him that he needs to think about SCHOOL first, but I'm still concerned that this is all just too much for them to be so young.
I agree with you DewDrop. He definitely needs somewhere else to focus his attention and energy. We just moved to this town, so he doesn't know anyone yet, but I'm hoping that after a couple of months or so, he'll meet some new people that will get him into other (productive) things.
That fact that you just moved to a new town makes it trickier. He'll want to cling to her even more until he gets established and makes new friends.
Find out what programs/clubs/sports are offered at his school. Then sit with him and talk about what he might be interested in. Also look around for other activities/sports in the community. Something like ROTC might appeal to him and that particular program will give him discipline and direction. Tell him he HAS to choose something. And then support him in it as much as possible. It's show time: The uniform is a big deal. Cheering him on is a big deal.
Make sure he knows that sitting at home texting and talking on the phone for hours is NOT an option. Give him a set amount of time, "OK, bub, you've got 30 minutes. Make the most of it" and stick with it.
Occupy his time: Leaf raking, checking the oil on the car, and my all-time-favorite: washing the walls. Make him NOT want to be moping around the house all day long. He has to hang with you enough and he'll be looking for a pick-up game of Horse with the guys.
The trick is to re-direct his attention. (Having a 14 year old is not for wimps.)
Don't I know it!! He is my only child and people are always asking if/when I am having more. They don't understand that this ONE still has my hands full it only gets harder with teens!!
I looked up the different sports at his school over the summer. When I asked him what activities he wanted to get into, at first he said football and then, a few weeks later, he said that he wanted to focus on his school work for the first year. I was very happy to hear that, but now I'm wondering if that was just an excuse to not get involved in anything and spend more time with the gf.
I don't think he would like ROTC at all, but he did ask about boxing/kickboxing classes, so I think I will look into that. And I like the idea of limiting his phone time and finding other things to occupy his time.
Well, the good news is, they are going to different schools this year.
I'd be sure to limit their time together, and supervise, supervise, supervise. In other words, if she comes over you have to be home, or if he goes there you must speak to her mom to be sure SHE will be there. No kid in either home when an adult is not going to be present.
You also need to come right out and tell him he is not going to be allowed to spend every free waking moment with her. You can't make him play football but you can tell him there is more to life than just his love life. Give him chores, require him to do community service (even just raking an elderly neighbors lawn all day one Saturday), and encourage him to join some clubs or groups at his new school.
Unfortunately with parents near things can still happen. Perhaps they should only sit on the couch with parents around. Mind you, not all parents keep their eyes glued to their kids and regardless of "where" it could happen (intamacy) that is, kids find away to experience what is changing within their bodies and emotions. Just make sure your son knows what will/could happen in that stage of a relationship.
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it only gets harder with teens!!
