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Supervised or group interactions, with some moments for modest privacy (like, they can smooch in the back yard, while mom is doing the dishes in the kitchen, where there's a window that overlooks the yard - so they can get the "feeling" that they're alone, while knowing full well that mom could be watching)...
Things like that - I think seem just about right for the younger teenage years. What would be ABnormal, is if they DIDN'T have wild crazy OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING emotions for each other. Then you'd want to check them to make sure their hormones are on schedule
Kids will - WILL....guaranteed - assuming they're healthy - feel overwhelming emotions about things, people, themselves, while they're going through puberty. The fact that these two kids are feeling it with each other sounds pretty healthy, since you say she's a good kid, and you feel that your son is also a good kid. Better two good kids be "madly completely totally OMG in love VBFF4eva" in love with each other, than for either of them to decide the "cool older teen who smokes pot on Saturdays" is the one for them.
Just keep an eye on them, make sure they get quality time with each other but with the understanding that any alone time won't be "truly" alone.
Lay down rules and guidelines make sure that you aren't making suggestions but tell him what he has to do. He's only 14 he hasn't earned the right to privacy until he's out of your house and the girlfriend can't be in the room alone with him. Id also look into blocking his text messages if he doesn't want to listen.
I agree that you don't want to tell him he cannot see her. That will just create problems. Since you and her mom are on the same page, supervise their contacts. Also, group dates may be an option. My kids at this age used to go out in groups of several couples - they went bowling, ice skating, roller skating, etc. Wholesome group activities that were fun and allowed the kids to enjoy themselves, but not get too private.
They will find a way, and if you think you should watch their every move, think again. The more they feel 'watched', the harder they will work on finding ways of not being watched. It will become an obsession and neither will do well in school.
I'd make a deal with him. Play football, then do something in the winter, then spring, and keep his grades up, in return get to go out on weekends to the movies or do other things to spend time with his girlfriend when they aren't in school.
If they feel their relationship is over-managed, they will fight harder for it and their privacy. If they are allowed their relationship, it will go it's natural course and maybe not last so long because they will not have to feel like it's them against the world. Instead of having to work so hard at staying together, they will spend more time on knowing each other, and may find they don't have all that much in common and things are more inconvenient than desirable.
Wow, thanks so much for all of the insight and suggestions. It is all very very helpful!!
@ Anon - that is so true...It's a double-edged sword. On one hand I'm thinking that all of the lovey-dovey stuff is too much for my son at his age...and then I think back to when I was 14 and my hormones were raging. I think that I would still be worried if he didn't have a girlfriend at this stage in his life, or if he was just chasing a bunch of random teen girls.
My son is 14 years old (15 in Jan) and he has been dating his girlfriend for 7 months now. They really feel that they are so "in love" and, although I know the feeling of your first love and teenage years, deep down I am worried that it is not healthy for them to be feeling so much emotion for each other at such a young age.
They went to the same middle school and they both just started 9th grade and go to different high schools. I was (and still am) hoping that with them going to different high schools, they will meet new people, get into new things, and kind of grow apart from each other.
But I don't see that happening. At first, my son was talking about playing football in high school, and getting into different activities. Now, he's not sure if he wants to. It seems like he doesn't want to commit his free time to anything in school, because that means less time to see his "girl friend".
I am becoming really concerned about this. I don't want to tell him that he cannot see her anymore, because he is generally a good kid, and I don't want to give him a reason to turn into a rebellious teen. But I also don't want him to spend these wonderful years of his life "cookked" up under some girl and miss out on all that High school has to offer.
Any insight/advice???
Well you don't want to split them up because that will backfire on You. I also disagree with the people saying they should never ever be alone together. You don't want your child to feel you don't trust them, which is all you will foster if you do that. I think what you should do is find out about getting him a prepaid phone with a limited number of minutes and texts. And let him know that you do like his little gf, but you also don't think he needs to spend all of his time only on her,
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