8 year old tantruming child...bad advice? (children, kid, behavior, how to)
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Problems that arise in the early years are addressed in nonpunitive ways. Although the 1979 law does not prohibit the use of physical force or restraint in removing a child from danger, parents do not resort to physical tactics, even while removing a child from the middle of a street. Instead, they talk to the child and watch the child more carefully in the future. Children, for their part, get the message - without a smack or even a swat.
Swedish families appear to be flourishing. The children I saw in 1988 were generally well behaved and, according to their teachers, easier to teach because they were accustomed to discipline at home. They also seemed much more self-disciplined in public than they were on my first visit. Although Sweden has its share of teen drug problems, juvenile crime, and slightly increasing rates of property crime, violent crimes against people are decreasing (8). Moreover, adults are considerably more optimistic about Sweden's children than they were a decade ago.
Perhaps it's just me, but I think that it's very odd that a trained, professional counselor would solicit opinions on a message board in order to better assess a client's situation.
A tantrum throwing child is not an anomaly. I would think that the training and schooling that a counselor goes through would prepare them to interact with parents with this issue and the appropriate ways to address it.
A tantrum throwing child is not an anomaly- on that I agree with you. But let me inform you that I am well trained (and well paid) to perform my job. I am well prepared to interact with parents on this and a variety of other issues as well.The reason for my coming to this board (with this particular question) is not to ask you how to do my job- it was to solicit thoughts on the advice that I had already given (see my FIRST post). Often, in counseling, the advice and strategies we offer to clients may be similar BUT the reaction to it varies. There is no one size fits all strategy in every situation so we consult (with each other) to share ideas. I find absolutely nothing wrong with REAL WORLD responses to this situation.
Discipline is a hot button issue (as evidenced by the responses of this thread) so if I pushed a few buttons, that certainly was not my intention. What I find odd, is that some posters are taking this a little too personally. In fact, I am noticing that it's taking a turn into a 'spanking vs. not-to-spank' discussion. And this, my friends, is where I leave it.
But thanks to all who responded to the original topic.
Yes, and Yes. As I mentioned in my earlier post it IS a client and her details have been changed. Im willing to gather insight from various points of view so I can understand how it applies to a real world situation. I know what direction I'm headed in with this as stated in my first post, but I'm interested in honest feedback.
Your client is paying for the help of a professional not the opinions of a bunch of amateurs on a message board...And I don't care how much you have changed it's still unethical for you to put your clients story here.... And if I knew who you worked for I would do every thing I could to get you fired for this!
Yes, and Yes. As I mentioned in my earlier post it IS a client and her details have been changed. Im willing to gather insight from various points of view so I can understand how it applies to a real world situation. I know what direction I'm headed in with this as stated in my first post, but I'm interested in honest feedback.
I seriously doubt any licensing agency would be thrilled by your insight gathering activities
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Nano053---how did you put a link on your message? I know this might be a stupid question and Im sorry if it is.Im new to this and I cant seem to do what you just did?Please explain how to put a quicklink up PLEASE.Thank you
It's not a stupid question. I just cut and paste the link. There is a underneath the postings (miscellaneous options) that says parse links automatically and automatically retrieve titles from external links.
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One issue, is has the child had a complete psych work-up? Including nuero-psych? Cross behavioral observations by others? He could be a child who is unusally over stimulated, and just overwhelmed, that is causing the tantrums. Rule out these issues first, and any other physical prloblems, has he had a blood test, and comprehensive assessment by a pediatrician? There could be more to this than it appears, rule out those issues before pointing fingers at the mother, and lack of parenting skills.
A divorced mother in her late 20's, has an 8 year old child. Dad has regular visitation with his child. Mom is fed up with son's tantrums and anger issues. He has been physically violent in the past, and is openly defiant toward mom. Aunts and extended family also experience the disrespect from the child but to a lesser extent.
Mom's latest issue is that she has had it up to *here* with son's tantrums and anger outbursts in public. She cannot grocery shop without son making a scene, thus forcing her to leave the store. He would rather not go to the store with mom so he wins (each time).
My advice was that mom needs to change her pattern of interaction with son. Even if he tantrums, she needs to continue shopping. She dismissed my advice saying she doesnt want to cause a scene and it's easier to just go home. I reply with, 'well he's going to throw a tantrum anyway so continue shopping and set the pattern that you will not give in to this behavior'.
Mom's not buying it. Any advice?
I would say that it is obvious that if she wants the kid to change the she has to change first.
I would also say that she needs to sort out the relationship with the father so even though they may not like each other any more, the kid probably wants to love both. So they need to rise above their differences and agree on how the kid is going to be parented.
Personally I am all for giving the kid a spanking and then getting on with the shopping however that is not so politically correct these days.
What a manipulative little brat. I emphathize with the single mom trying to handle this little beast. If he has legitimate issues that are causing these outbursts, then hopefully counseling will help, but in the meantime, who is helping this poor mom? He has got her over a barrel. What he says goes. Maybe he should go live with his dad. He obviously has no respect for women. It is just sad if his mom is a decent mom and she is trying to raise him and take care of him and attend to all of the details of daily living. I wish there were groups that could support single mothers who have these kinds of problems - vetted volunteers you could call to come to the store. I bet if some 200 lb man with authority showed up, the kid would stop dead in his tracks. He is taking advantage of someone who he sees as weak and vulnerable . . . it is a power struggle, pure and simple. Poor mom!
I wouldn't leave the store. I would simply ignore him and continue on with my shopping. He will eventually feel embarassed when he sees people looking at him like he's crazy and he'll stop. He'll have to find mom and, at that point, she should completely ignore him. Don't say a peep to him at all. He'll get the message.
When my daughter was little, maybe 3? 4? She tried to pull that crap in a store. She actually laid down on the floor crying and kicking her feet. I simply grabbed her by the ankle and pulled her along as if nothing was happening. It took her about 5 seconds to realize her tantrum wasn't working. She apologized, got up, and walked along with me. And never had another tantrum (at home or in public) again. I guess 1. she was embarassed by her own behavior and 2. she realized it wasn't going to get her anywhere.
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