Interactive Taxes. (housing, to buy, real estate, name)

[JD59]

Interactive Taxes

Hello! Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer
Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?

I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway?
After all, it is April 13. You have less than two days to
file. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.

That's the spirit! Let's begin with your name, address, and
marital status.

Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don't let it get you
down -- that alimony deduction will come in mighty handy in
these tough financial times!

Please don't cry. The economy's bound to bounce back. In the
meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have any
children?

Wow! I hope they're not all in college. Do you have any
other dependents?

Sorry. You can't deduct your dog, even if she is your only
friend.

I agree. The IRS is unreasonable. But let's move on to
income. What were your wages in 2008?

You are having a bad go of it, aren't you? But at least
you're getting the Unemployment Benefits max.

I'm afraid Unemployment Benefits are taxable. The government
giveth and the government taketh away. Hey, don't blame me.
I'm just the messenger. Anyway, did you have any interest or
dividend income or capital gains?

Your spouse got everything, huh? Well, look on the bright
side. If you don't earn it, they can't make you pay taxes on
it.

Please don't exit. It was just a joke. I don't suppose you
were able to sock anything away into an IRA? I didn't mean
to insult you; I'm just doing my job. They make me ask about
IRAs and Keogh Plans too.

Okay, okay. I get the point. You're broke. So let's go over
your deductions and see about getting you a healthy refund.
And speaking about health, I need a complete list of your
non- reimbursed medical expenses.

That's great -- a fractured sacroiliac. And your income was
so low that most of it will be deductible! Let's move on to
your state income taxes and real estate taxes.

Boy, those state taxes can really take a bite, eh? But that
huge mortgage tax deduction should really increase your
refund. What? You had to sell the house to pay for the
divorce? What a shame. But I thought you said you didn't
have any capital gains.

You sold it at a loss? Really? So tell me -- Do you think
housing is going to drop any further? One of my other users
is looking to buy.

You're absolutely right. That was a selfish and thoughtless
thing to say. I'm a new program, and I guess they haven't
gotten all the bugs out.

Let's go back to your deductions. What did you pay in
mortgage interest?

I'm afraid deducting credit card interest is a major no-no.
But you may want to consider our Interactive Bankruptcy
Software!

Hey, now. Don't get your nose out of joint. It was just a
suggestion. Anyway, it's time to list your charitable
contributions. I know you can't afford them, but list a
couple hundred in cash anyway. Everybody does it, and it's
impossible to check.

Good. Now I'm almost afraid to ask, but did you suffer any
unreimbursed casualty or theft losses last year?

That's pretty much what I expected. Just give me the numbers
and I'll take it from there.

Is there anything else you want to tell me?

I'm sorry, I don't really have time to listen about your
divorce anymore. What I meant was, did you have any other
income or expenses? Fine. Now why don't you rest for a
second, so I can do some quick calculations.

I have good news. You're entitled to a $157 refund. Would
you like to apply it to your 2009 tax?

I beg your pardon. They don't pay me enough to listen to
that kind of language.