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Norm Barnes · 05-22-2011, 09:25 AM

PARTY SOLIDARITY!!!!! Today in a monumental unanimous vote congress has shown total and complete agreement. This is historic. It tooks weeks of negotiation but they finally came to a 100% agreement. No Pork Belly adders to this plan and it is likely to be passed even without Presidential approval. Yes their pay raises will be effective January 15, 2012.

Norm Barnes · 05-29-2011, 06:22 AM

World's Ending Date Amended!!!!! Well we got by that close call. Now the Guru places the time somewhere around the fall of this year. No football - who cares anyway. I'd like to know this guru's diet -- it might contain too much fruit and nut fiber. Now let's figure this out you dummy -- if it ends nobody is going to be around to congratulate your dumb --- and if it doesn't everybody around will think you're pretty stupid. Fact is you'd look more genius if you predicted the outcome of the Belmont Stakes then the end of the world at least you could be patted on your back for you genius. Here's what I recommend take a couple of dozen sleeping bills enough to stay asleep until your date arrives then we'll wake you up when its past. Incidentally, #3 will win the Belmont Stakes unless he's scratched. My address its in Alaska.

Norm Barnes · 06-11-2011, 10:07 PM

Well the world is fine - no end at this time - still have to get through the next prediction. Oh and did I mention #3 wins Belmont stakes. Wonder if anybody paid attention to that prediction.

Norm Barnes · 06-18-2011, 11:33 PM

Eighty year old Purvis Jenkins has become a father. His companion and the infant are doing fine. Purvis however is in intensive care. Seems Purvis learned of the birth and passed out. Purvis has been retired for more than 15 years and a hometown reporter had a chance to interview him. He was asked: "Why a father at this delicate age?" His response was simple: "Well I don't know - at the time it seemed like a good idea." "Everything was working okay and Kitty well she wanted a youngun' so I guess I wanted to make her happy." Eighteen year old Kitty and Baby Twain are doing fine. She's says: "I'm looking forward to having a couple more kids if Purvis is up for it." Purvis being visited at the hospital by Kitty just rolled his eyes - said one thing. "Again?"

Norm Barnes · 06-26-2011, 07:28 PM

Perth Electoral District announces Justin to Run!!!!! Statford Ontario hometowner Justin Bieber will run for office. Famous singer and longtime confident of Selena Gomez made preparations to run for office in the Lower house as representative of the Perth Electoral District. Justin stated that he long time had been civil minded and had been influenced by a Young American President Obama who he regarded as real and approachable. After attending college he continued his pop career but became more influential in assisting in Perth candidates gaining recognition by his personal appearances with the various candidates. He wishes to offer his district representation with the highest degree of integrity and to always be approachable. His farewell tour a couple of years ago was highly attended and he has been very popular through his career. Questions by the opposition lie in his suitability to be a candidate.

Norm Barnes · 07-04-2011, 06:37 AM

In this weeks strip Needum goes to a local PA Wawa for something to drink. As he opens the door some teenagers with Tatoos all over their arms are coming out the door. He enters the Wawa giving friendly greeting to the clerk then going back to the soft drink cabinet. He comes back to check out with a bottle of "Choke" -- He places it and $2.00 on the counter -- he noticed his "Choke" now had a metal cap. He bought it anyway. He was given $.11 change. He asked the kindly clerk to open it for him -- and she said" "Can't do that" -- but I can do this she looked under the counter and she showed hundreds of "Choke" bottle openers. He asked for one and got it. The kindly clerk said that will be $.11. Needum took his "Choke" and left the store. There is a moral here: "If you got it, they want it, all of it, until it "chokes""

Norm Barnes · 07-05-2011, 01:43 PM

Needum is on his way to the bank for a loan. He enters the bank and goes direct to customer service. He's greeted by Mr. Conclusion. "Hello Mr. More I'll be happy to help you with that Loan request -- just have a seat." After the usual questions Needum is feeling pretty comfortable believing he got all of them right. Mr. Conclusion liened over and said: "I need you to sign this authorization for me to obtain a credit bureau". Needum read it -- signed it and turning it to Mr. Conclusion said "Here!!!" Mr. Conclusion got up and went to an adjoining office spend a little time there came back. He was laughing and shaking his head. Mr. Conclusion sat down looked down at the credit report then looked at Needum, he did this about 4 times. Finally Needum said: "Okay, what's up?" Mr. Conclusion said: "I was just wondering why you needed so many Victoria Secret Accounts?" Needum was there with out his wife Didum and was embarassed -- but he gave some thought and liened over the desk asking Mr. Conclusion to bring his ear close to his mouth. He whispered: "If I tell you then I'm going to have to kill you!!!" Needum got up pocketing his License and Social Security card and turned his butt directly to Mr. Conclusion and said "Look No Panty Lines". Needum then left the bank. Moral of the story: "Ask questions butt be sensitive"

sun queen · 07-05-2011, 03:40 PM

I don't really have anything to contribute, other than a woman put her husband in a suitcase and was discovered. Her hubby is a contortionist. Now she is being charged criminally... Ah that love...

Norm Barnes · 07-05-2011, 05:00 PM

Kidding!!!! There's something wrong with that? In Idaho I here you might get the electric chair. The problem wasn't her putting him in the case - the problem is she didn't intend on leaving him out.

Norm Barnes · 07-05-2011, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Norm Barnes

2011 Most Irritating Response Winner!!!!! Okay rivaling last years Winner by almost 50 Million votes the winner is - drum roll - "Whatever?" Last years winner was -- "It is what it is?" Fact is this years irritating response appears almost everywhere and it has been surmised that when a person becomes speechless will respond "Whatever". The close second place finisher for this year was: "I can't do it?" which is ironic since last year's second place finisher was: "Just do it?" Here's one. Can you use "Whatever" in a sentence? Better yet next time the wife or husband ask you something just say "Whatever?" let us know what happens!!!!:

Okay. You all have heard it. Its seemingly different impact is where you place the emphasis. Here it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you Serious??? If you say it: Are you serious? its different then when you say: Are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu serious? See what I mean.