Common Sense If You Are Moving to Nova (fit in, transplants)

[normie]

Well gang, the time has come to start moving down to my retirement home. I'll still be spending a lot of time in Nova--I'm holding on to my properties here--but moving to a retirement home means it's time to say farewell to my friends at city-data for awhile. I've enjoyed this forum, and after we settle in I'll be back.

There are a few things I'd like to tell the people who are thinking about moving to Northern Virginia. Just a few bits of common sense that will help you enjoy living in this state a lot more.

1. Don't get caught up in "my county/city/state is better than your county/city/state" arguments. Those are apparently very popular in other parts of the country.

In Virginia, especially as you go further out into the country, these debates are considered bad manners. They are usually started by people who have not been here very long... and the people who start them never figure out why they don't succeed in VA. Native Virginians place a high value on respect and having good manners--it's vital to know this if you really want to succeed here.

2. When you move here, people may seem "reserved" "boring" and maybe even "stuck up." Actually people here are very friendly--but they are waiting to see what you are really like. Once they get to know you, they will become much more relaxed and friendly. And people will go the extra mile for you, once they accept you.

Newcomers sometimes find this offensive. Please try to understand. Virginia is a very transitional place. As a result the long term residents have learned to be reserved.

You see, transitional people can be both a delight and a real pain. It's wonderful to have the influx of fresh ideas... but there's a down side, too. Newcomers often bring with them abrasive habits that school kids pick up. Virginians place a high value on respect, good manners, and peaceful, quiet neighborhoods. Newcomers often don't respect this.

Newcomers often demand that everything be changed to cater to them. They gripe loudly that Virginia needs to start doing things "The California Way" or "The New York Way" or "The Pennsylvania Way". Then in a few years they leave, having made plenty of $$$, and giving the finger to Virginia on the way out the door. Is it any wonder that long term residents have learned to be reserved with new neighbors?

So.... do yourself a favor. Your first year here, try to blend in. If you want to make friends, resist the urge to make suggestions. Chill out and learn how your new neighbors do things. Follow their lead. Volunteer to help out with community events, and do things the way people ask you to. After you have established yourself as a part of the community, then you can make suggestions on how to do things better. If you can just chill for a year or so you will find it much easier to make friends... and you might even learn a thing or two.

2. Virginians find confidence, cheerfulness, and an air of calm very attractive. If you come from a culture that finds it humorous/stimulating to be angry, depressed, aggressive, whiney, or frantic you will be much more successful if you can tone it down.

You don't have to change who you are, just tone it down a little.

This may make you gag, but try to be cheerful from time to time. Wave to your neighbors, even if you don't know who they are. Trust me it works--things really will be much easier for you if you exude a peaceful, pleasant attitude. Sometimes newcomers sneer that the suburban areas should be renamed "Pleasantville." Well, maybe that's true. The bottom line is: You chose to move here, so as long as you're here, why not adapt to the local culture? It works.

2. For some people, Nova will be your first experience with four seasons, and especially with hot humid summers. Prepare to feel uncomfortable the first year. It takes a while to acclimate. But... the good news is that after a few years you will love having variety in your weather.

Allergies, mosquitoes and poison ivy are a fact of life here. If you want to suceed in Nova, learn to make jokes about it but don't whine about it. Don't worry, these are things you learn to handle. After a few years you won't notice them. But they may really bother you the first year or so.

3. People in Virginia do not like to hug as much as Californians and many other cultures. That does not mean we are not friendly, we have a different way of showing friendliness. On the plus side, you will catch fewer colds.

4. It's very difficult to predict the weather here. Do not cancel your plans because of a storm forecast on a 10-day prediction. Trust me, the forecast will change many times over the course of that ten days. Things can change on a dime here, so be prepared but don't worry too much.

5. People from all over the world live here. People of every race live in every town--and are active at every economic level. I know Virginia was known for racist attitudes several decades ago, but things have changed and we are now one of the most racially mixed and progressive states in the country. Expect your neighbors to speak a variety of languages. If you have any bigotry or racism, leave it at home.

I know it can be wierd to adjust to the Virginia way of life. It was certainly strange for me the first few years. But then I really grew to love it. This is a very healthy and life affirming place to live... if you allow it to be. I will miss many things about Nova.

[normie]

Oh, I forgot one...

Being respectful is not the same thing as being a door mat! Life here in Virginia can be very aggressive, especially in the business world. But it is quite possible to be aggressive and respectful at the same time--and if you can master this skill you will bloom in Virginia.

[ShannonMilligan]

Interesting post. As I was reading it one thought kept coming to my mind: "who are these virginians?" I mean, who really is from here? Seems to me everyone is a transplant and thus there is no real sort of rules all of these different cultures and up bringings bring all different sorts of rules. Know what I mean? For example...I just moved here and I am from PA. I have a certain way of doing things. My neighbor is from california...she has a certain way of doing things...the couple down the street are not from this country (not sure where) so they have a different way...So...if I like to handshake but California likes to hug and the foreign couple likes to kiss...
My point is...is there really anyway to fit in? Especially in an area where that is a different definition for all?
I am not getting on you...just curious as I just moved here. I find your posts interesting!

[Novamom06]

Twinmma - I hear you. I am also a transplant, however I moved here in 1991 when I was still in my early 20s and here is what I can tell you based on my experience. These Virginians that Normie is referring to are generally speaking, transplants themselves. I think after living here for 10-20-30 years and working with people and adapting to the local DC culture, you also settle into your norms. Coming from Boston, I was a little more wild - used the f word too much - liked to dance on tables in bars - and people looked at me like I was crazy. There came a day when I sort of changed a little bit, I guess you can call it getting more "sophisticated", as I moved up the ladder and hung around with other DC types. And I like the person I've grown into actually!

[ShannonMilligan]

gotcha-from what I have noticed thus far either people are extremely nice or the opposite...no in between. For example most of the neighbors have come over to introduce themselves and brought cookies! BUT, the one who lives RIGHT BESIDE ME won't even wake or say hello back when I do so...very strange.
Anyway, I tried to give you a rep point for the Wild Days, lol! but I have to spread some around first it says

[leighland]

We are hoping to move to NoVA in the next year plus. It will be our third move in 2 years (San Diego-Philly-NoVA). My DH will work from home and need to take the train into DC on occasion plus drive (?) to Geo. Mason U a couple times a month. We don't like Philly. We miss SD and we are hoping for a more conservative area, family oriented with lots of shopping, transplants like ourselves and better housing stock for rent. We have a toddler. So any input I'd be grateful for.

[ShannonMilligan]

where in Phiily? That is where we moved from...chester county.

[normie]

Originally Posted by twinmma

My point is...is there really anyway to fit in? Especially in an area where that is a different definition for all?

LOL, good point! It should be pointed out that my posts only reflect my opinions and my experiences. I live in Loudoun County and hang out with the Chamber of Commerce set. Every one of you may have a completely different experience and you'd have just as legitimate a view of VA as mine.

[irisheyes13]

Normie,
Since stumbling on to this site, I have often enjoyed your words of wisdom and comments/feedback on numerous topics. I hope you are not gone too long and wish you all of the best in your retirement home! May it be evrything you wish for!

[EuroExpat]

Normie,

I really liked your post and it was a good reminder of many things. Please enjoy your retirement and come back when you're settled in. :-)