Do you also feel better off without friends some days? (present, affection)
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When I invite somebody, I say "hey so and so, lets go to the movies, the bar, out to eat."
I automatically pay their way. Now...if they decide that they want to pay for something along the way, fine. I expect the same thing.
I dont invite them out, run up to the ticket counter, pay mine and leave them behind expecting them to be able to pay $9 for a ****ing 2 hour show. No, if I invited them...regardless of the relationship, I pay.
What part of that cant you understand? Are you thick or what?
Who said I was broke? I didnt say that. I said that I have bills to catch up on, but I didnt say I was broke that night.
Go ahead, put another word in my mouth and see what happens...
LMAO! Ooooh, what are you gonna do?
You are the one complaining that your friends should know that you are having all these money issues and they should pay your way. If you can pay someone else's way with all this drama, you can pay your own.
Considering how much 'communicating' you are doing with a bunch of strangers, would not it be more productive to have this 'conversation' with your friends so they know what you want and you get what you want?
If anyone remembers, just a couple of months ago I was talking about how lonely I was because I hadn't found a friend/dating circle in months.
Well now I have a small circle of buddies I've hung out with several times. Well this weekend, all 3 of them pissed me off to the point where I'm just about to zone them out and just find others.
1st, on Friday, a friend of mine asks me out to a movie. Im like ok sure. Well then we get there, and he pays for his movie and didnt even do for mine. I almost got a separate ticket to the movie I actually wanted to see and say, "see you after the movie". But he drove so...
And then, he asked me to lunch afterwards, and just payed for his and assumed I just had money. I'd just done my grocery shopping for the week
And last night, I go out with the girls...And this is what really got me, my friend got a new car. Now the last 5 times we've hung out, since I met her...I was the one driving around. 1st thing she does is go and picks up her other best friend...and says to meet them at the bar, even though she lives right down the street from me and it would have been on the way! So I just wasted up gas going downtown for nothing!
Now, I was asked to go out this Saturday. We get to the bar....Im having to pay my entrance, pay our drinks...$30 which could have gone on my gym membership. Yet my friend was telling me how much 'fun' money she has because she saved so much on buying her new car.
I didnt even realize all this until this morning and Im like...wait a minute. Hold on. So I'm just going to cut everyone off for the next few weeks. Its like people want you to do this and that with them, but then they don't offer to pay and assume you can handle it.
I'm sure someone's going to say, "talk to them"...but there's been times in the past I've got on someone's behavior and they just back off and feel like I'm scolding them. At this point I dont even feel like bringing it up because they know what they did (or shall I say, didnt do) was shady. I shouldn't have to tell them that, they can figure it out when I chose to stop hanging out with them.
This I don't understand. If you didn't have the money in the first place, why not just decline the offer? I will echo the other posters in that I don't expect anyone to pay for me when I'm invited somewhere. Even between my fiance and I, I will offer to pay for us as often as my budget allows. I just don't like the feeling of having someone else foot the bill, at least not often - it seems a bit unfair. I think that it's easiest just to have each person pay for him/herself.
When I invite somebody, I say "hey so and so, lets go to the movies, the bar, out to eat."
I automatically pay their way. Now...if they decide that they want to pay for something along the way, fine. I expect the same thing.
I dont invite them out, run up to the ticket counter, pay mine and leave them behind expecting them to be able to pay $9 for a ****ing 2 hour show. No, if I invited them...regardless of the relationship, I pay.
What part of that cant you understand? Are you thick or what?
That is unorthodox and illogical. If this were so, nobody would ask their friends out to do anything because the bill could get rather large and people would either a) be reluctant to ask friends out for the night, or b) wait for someone to ask first because the then they'd have a 'free' night.
Example: I decide to ask five friends out for a night with me. Using your logic, I'm obligated to pay for six meals and sets of drinks, associated transportation costs, entertainment such as the tickets for the movie, play, concert, baseball game, etc. and the food and drinks there. That kind of arrangement is not sustainable. In romantic relationships I can see this happening but friendships?...
The only way one could be okay with this is if they were very well off (or reckless with one's money). And I don't think that's you because you seem to have a problem with nine dollars.
If the "you invite, you pay" attitude is the one you have been using your whole life, I can see where you would be upset.
But still....you are in the wrong. You are assuming that everyone behaves the same way you do, and THAT is why you are in the wrong. Not because of how YOU think things should be, but because you are getting angry at your friends for not doing things the same way you do. That is so unfair to your friends. If you think that is how things should be done, it is up to YOU to tell them that.
As seen by all the people that disagree with you, most people do not see things the way you do. Among friends, we do not expect friends to pay for us. If we cannot afford to go out, we decline invites. Or you could offer an alternative plan that you can afford (ie, instead of going out to a movie, watch one at your house).
Again, I am not saying you are wrong for your beliefs in how friends should financially treat each other. Whatever works for whatever group, right? But you just can't sit there an expect your friends to read your mind, know your finances, and pay your way unless you specifically state that to them.
I do think it was crappy that they didn't offer you a ride. I would have asked to get picked up, but yes, that was kind of cruddy.
However, you may want to consider this. You said "Bingo! I just noticed that all 3 of my friends are fat asses. Now that you've said it, I noticed over the years most of my 'heavier' friends usually end up sabotaging our relationship in some form or fashion. They seem to resent me for being naturally thin and curvy...not to brag, but for some reason I find it hard to meet other thin and curvy women or in shape men.
Perhaps I need to move out of fat **** Texas lol"
REALLY????????????? You think THIS attitude doesn't come off at all when you are around your friends? I bet it does. And if I was ever friends with someone that was so arrogant and b*tchy, I would never pay their way, offer them rides, OR invite them anywhere. If you can't guess....I wouldn't be friends with that person for long.
I am a thin and curvy Texas woman, and guess what....with an attitude like that, we DON'T WANT YOU!!!!
When I invite somebody, I say "hey so and so, lets go to the movies, the bar, out to eat."
I automatically pay their way. Now...if they decide that they want to pay for something along the way, fine. I expect the same thing.
I dont invite them out, run up to the ticket counter, pay mine and leave them behind expecting them to be able to pay $9 for a ****ing 2 hour show. No, if I invited them...regardless of the relationship, I pay.
What part of that cant you understand? Are you thick or what?
I don't believe she's "thick" but I do believe you are incredibly rude and condescending.
When I go out with friends is always pay your own way. Sometimes we do pay for each other with the expectation that the other person will pick up the tab next time, or sometimes one of us will pay if we are going out specifically to cheer the other one up becasue of something bad that happened. But I'd say 75% of the time it's dutch treat. I don't buy my friends company and they don't have to buy mine. I've never heard of such a thing.
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