Dealing with a mother (talks, person, children, adults)

[Florida32]

Wondering how everyone would handle a mother who is awesome, but sometimes just can't stay out of her childrens personal lifes. Seems she always asking questions and sometimes this seems to be prying. Has good intent, but her children are in there 20's and 30's. The son is afraid he might bring home a girl his mother does not approve of.

How do you deal with a issue like this?

[yellowsnow]

The son should deal with it. If he can't cut the cord, this is just the beginning of your troubles. This is something you can't fix. There will be 3 people in the bed till he grows a pair and sets Mom straight.

This applies even if she is the best, most wonderful Mom in the world!

[dfour]

The mother needs to be but in her place, and let it be known that the questions or comments aren't appreciated.
I would tend to be sarcastic, which isn't the nicest way to get a point across, but works sometimes.

[Sunnydee]

If the son cannot cut the cord, the best way to stop this is to move away from wonderful mom and limit her access to information/contacts. Selective sharing of info on the son's part seems to be warranted.

[Katlakat]

I'm in this situation right now, and have been for the last two years.

My mother-in-law lives with us. When we had our good talks, she would express how hard it was to learn how to be a mother to an adult child. It takes practice, but without communicating to her what our needs were, and without establishing boundaries right off the bat, she would not have a guide to go on.

Even though she keeps her distance upstairs for the most part, I still have to remind her weekly that she's out of line, being nosy, or just rude when she prys into our lives.

In spring I think this crap is all over with finally as she's going home to Michigan, and we'll be moving into a smaller apartment where there will purposely be no room for her and her dogs LOL.


But back to the OP. I found that when we all moved intogether, DH and I natrually stepped into "child" role and basically did what she said. It dawned on me one day that we were married adults and since we paid all the bills and rent, we have 100% of the say in the house if we chose too. That means learning to put MUM in her place when needed. She still tries to rule the roost, but I show her the hen house door and tell her that if she doesn't like our decisions (we make as a team) she's welcome to leave at any time. That sounds very rude, but you have to understand the last 2 years of trying everything else with this manipulative woman...this was what it had come down to.

Firm hand. Be the adult. Be confident. And make the decisions you can be proud of.

[andreaspercheron]

I don't have a Mom but I have an adult daugther whom Im very close with and how we work it is this, if Im being too nosy she just says "mom, butt out" LOL - I get it and I respect her wishes, no hard feelings.

[Florida32]

Thanks for the replies. Sounds like very good information.

[picklejuice]

And remain thankful F-32. Many of us don't have mothers for one reason or another and have had to parent/raise our children completely alone without a supportive ear or word.

[Ceece]

I hate to tell you this but your mom will most likely ask questions and pry for the rest of your life. A a mom of adult kids myself I know I will! And my own mother still does this to me. The thing is, you only have to reveal as much as you want, that's an adult skill you should learn.

[pitt_transplant]

Wait for death?