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I would appreciate the gesture and express my thanks, but I would also immediately do my best to find a polite, kind way to ask the OP please to keep his ratty, scratchy, snow-removal brush far away from my $50k car. (Actually, entirely hypothetical. My car lives in its own garage. Without the garage, I would not even consider having a $50k car; I'm not stupid). The problem here does not seem to be so much with the fact that the friend asked the OP not to do anything to his car but more in the manner in which it was expressed. The OP tried to do something nice for his friend. That should have been acknowledged and future repetitions prevented as kindly as possible, at least for the first "offense."
The friend has every right to set boundaries regarding his car, but a person in possession of intellectual and social maturity would recognize that the gesture was meant kindly and respond kindly. If, after having calmly and politely asked the OP not to do anything to his car, regardless of weather conditions, the OP continued to try to be "helpful," the friend would then be justified in responding more firmly or forcefully if the OP just wasn't getting the message. Rudeness in response to a first instance, especially something meant to be helpful, is unnecessary and unproductive. JMHO
You might be onto something. Perhaps there is a history of overstepping, and this was the proverbial last straw.
This seems especially likely since we now (finally) know this is a roommate. The real problem may go deeper than the car. OP now states the roommate didn't confront the OP, but that she/he/they heard it from someone else.
Lots of worms in that can lol.
Last edited by catsmom21; 01-18-2024 at 05:45 AM..
I might brush snow off a friend or co-worker's car windows or windshield while waiting for my own to warm up. I'd leave the risk of scratching painted surfaces to the owner .
Ditto! This is fairly common practice at work, on the few occasions we get snow here. Front and side windows are ok, touching the rear windows or anything else is a big no no.
I agree with others that it is presumptious of you to dust snow off his car. A lot of times there is trouble when one person thinks they are helping but in fact should be minding their own business. Wait until someone asks you for help, don't assume anything.
It could be concerns about the paint being scratched, but also it is psychological - instinctively, most of us don't want other people "messing with" our things without asking.
a friend. Someone told me. Just complained that I brushed snow off his car. I had thought he'd appreciate my good deed. Apparently not. His loss.
Never thought a snow brush could be abrasive
Roommate. I thought I was doing something nice for him.
I thought I was doing something nice for someone, a random act of kindness
Never thought of that. I didn't know there was alarms that can set off if someone touches it. I didn't realize a snow brush could scratch
He could be one those people who are very peculiar about their cars.
I'm trying to remember...please correct me if I'm wrong. You live in the house with 2 men, correct? One of those men, you sleep with...right?
Could it be that this room mate resents you being there? That he doesn't appreciate the power dynamic of "2 against 1" that might be happening now? Maybe the room mate sees you as an interloper, and just plain resents you even being there. He doesn't want you doing anything nice for him. He wants to stay resenting you.
I'm trying to remember...please correct me if I'm wrong. You live in the house with 2 men, correct? One of those men, you sleep with...right?
Could it be that this room mate resents you being there? That he doesn't appreciate the power dynamic of "2 against 1" that might be happening now? Maybe the room mate sees you as an interloper, and just plain resents you even being there. He doesn't want you doing anything nice for him. He wants to stay resenting you.
Ah! That’s a different dynamic. The roommate may not want to feel beholden to a female roommate starting to do nice things , crossing a boundary and can cause conflict with the boyfriend.
You do not know how to look at your car paint -- it could be totally scratched up and you do not realize it.
There is a clear coat topping the paint that is more easily damaged. It creates swirls and scratches.
Causes of paint swirl marks
It is true that some micro scratches are unavoidable if you are actually using your car.
The most common cause of swirl marks is improper care and washing of the vehicle’s painted surfaces.
The major factors that can contribute to swirl marks while washing is:
-Improper Rinsing (not rinsing completely before washing)
-Not having enough lubrication from soap or other cleaning chemicals
-Using the wrong washing tools (stiff brushes, hard sponges, etc.)
-Dirty wash mitt, chamois, sponges, etc.
-Misuse of polishers/buffers and/or pads
-Dusting/wiping with rag or duster on a dry car
-Not washing your car thoroughly before drying
-Automatic car washes with outdated brushes and other wipers
-Automatic car washes with poorly maintained brushes
-Using a car cover when the car or the cover is not clean
-There are other causes of swirl marks and micro scratches besides the ones mentioned above. Light scuffs and other small scratches can occur in a number of ways.
I'm talking about lightly brushing snow off of a hood or roof (which where I live is mandatory, or you get a ticket.) Brushing snow off in such a way that there would be swirl marks in the paint would be really aggressive. It's not like brushing your teeth, it's like sweeping crumbs off a table. Those of us whose cars live outside might be less precious about a pristine paint job, though.
You want to be nice? Shovel the snow around his parking space so he can get out easily. You can do that without touching his car.
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