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Yeah, I looked back at what I wrote to them and think I actually handled it pretty well. I just felt particularly irked today because: 1j) they made the meeting when I wasn’t there, then 2) didn’t tell me about it until the last minute (I consider the day before the last minute) and then 3) expect me to (want to?) show up, 4) did this when I finished a huge music-related project for the church just yesterday (our annual concert) and had been looking forward to decompressing for at least a few days.
So, that’s why I am feeling just so resentful of this particular meeting.
Anyway, I took the time to do a little googling (searched for “stuck in boring meeting”) and found quite a few good suggestions.
Yup. I have been there and done that so many times.
I think this is going to be OK. But I think there is a larger cultural issue with the “over-extended” and “I don’t have time” argument and that is dealing with social judgments as to how busy you “really” are. So, for example, two of the people on the committee are still working, not retired, like I am. Plus, they know me really well and know exactly what I am doing which is not what most people would call “obligation” or “work.” It’s not like I am working a full-time job and have children. I am a retiree who takes her various passions relatively seriously and who is more introverted than everyone else on the committee. So, for me being overextended simply means “I just don’t want to deal with these issues this week, because I had actually planned to read about about our upcoming vacation destination. Plus I just need my space.”
Ok, long story short, they are good enough friends that they will be 100% find with it at least outwardly, but I do worry about unspoken judgments, especially from the treasurer herself who is merely a friendly acquaintance… and is working and in chronic pain.
So, yeah I guess I’m feeling guilty …. but oh well… they could also choose not to do this extra work if they really didn’t want to do it.
I really like Peabodyn's comment. If the meetings are boring and overly long, change the meetings. Decide on $$ amount to delegate to treasurer for decision making, set an agenda ahead of time, set a time limit, and establish a schedule.
Make the meetings work. There are some that can go on and on for $5 and yet not spend the time on $1,000 expenses.
You said you didn't mind doing the tasks they gave you but that you don't want to do the meetings. Could you tell them that if they give you a list of things to do that you will handle it, but that you have discovered that you don't have time to do the meetings?
Definitely stay away from learning how their accounting system works or it will be yours for life.
Yeah, this sounds like a lot of these meetings could be emails. I'm guessing that this isn't a group that is using shared documents in Google Drive or Dropbox so that people can work and make notes asynchronously and not have to have a bunch of meetings that stray from the agenda.
I’m late to the party, but back when I was working and attended meetings, they lasted “OHO” One Hour Only. Does OP lead these meetings? If the attendees know they only have a limited time to get er done, maybe they’ll be better prepared.
Alternatively, I like the idea of assigning the segments to individuals, and them making the decisions ahead of time and emailing a report to the leader (Jill?) no meetings necessary.
Be honest with them that you feel that you have nothing to contribute for most of the meeting time. Suggest that they start each meeting with the agenda items that pertain to you, and then you can peel off and they can continue discussing the things that don't relate to you. I have a project at work that runs this way, and it's super efficient.
Those meetings sound beyond horrible. Sounds like you need to overhaul the whole process, have a budget set up with pre-approved amounts for normal purchases like office supplies and contractors. No meetings needed, just pay the darn bills. Then email the committee members once a week/month/as needed to get approval for other items and also to report on weekly collections and bank balances.
It's an "all in" thing or "nothing". Make up your mind, act on it and move on. If you would be happier not being on this committee, just give them your notice and explain that you wanted to try and help, but you just don't have the time.
When we were building our first house, we attended the church that was next door to the house we were renting while building. The house belonged to the church, it was an old parsonage. The congregation started growing quite rapidly, which was a very good thing, but at the same time, there wasn't room for all the Sunday School classes. We were asked to open our home every Sunday morning to host the adult Sunday School classes. This was in addition to the volunteer job in the daycare, the cleaning and landscaping of the church each week, and teaching younger kids a class, which involved going over material to present to the kids.
So as it were, we had to stay home every Saturday night, clean our house, make sure we had coffee and all that for the Sunday School Class. Then we went next door to church. Then we cleaned the entire church, then we mowed the lawn, and our lawn, and on Monday we would pick up the material for the children's class, which one of us had to teach.
So it became such a burden (nobody else was volunteering to help) that we had to explain to them that we were trying to do too much, and we didn't want to host the Sunday School class at our home, we had 3 kids and it was just too much to try and clean on Saturday night, when everyone else was going out to eat and movies, etc. We became "burned out" needless to say. Then our house was ready and we moved not too far away, but we conveniently stopped going to the church. I hated that, but it was like if we did anything, they wanted more, more, more. So we just put a stop to it.
If you're feeling frustrated enough to write for advice on this forum, then it is not working for you is it?
As you already know - Never lie.
There's never any need to.
You can 'get out of anything' by saying, "I have a prior commitment for Thursday evenings or I've got some other
things I must attend to or this is not a good time." (Good for parties you don't want to go to!)
Seldom, .1% - people will ask -"What", lol)
MY imp commitments and things to do are usually to take hot bubble baths with candles...or
to relax with a good movie.
Never lie, ever.
dealing with social judgments as to how busy you “really” are. So, for example, two of the people on the committee are still working, not retired, like I am. Plus, they know me really well and know exactly what I am doing which is not what most people would call “obligation” or “work.” It’s not like I am working a full-time job and have children. I am a retiree who takes her various passions relatively seriously and who is more introverted than everyone else on the committee.
...
So, yeah I guess I’m feeling guilty …. but oh well… they could also choose not to do this extra work if they really didn’t want to do it.
Look, you've earned your retirement status, and you are ALL choosing to give your time in whatever ways each of you deem healthy for yourselves. They don't get to make you feel guilty for their not being retired yet. Don't allow that.
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My 2 cents
