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You keep saying "together". Well, unless you've spent time with each other face-to-face, 'Rona be damned, that's not really together; you simply talked to each other online. That's not a bad thing per se. But... Is the feeling mutual? Did she agree that you're "together" (i.e. dating, at least). Please find out, for your own good.
As for 'Rona... if you're 31 and she's your age, neither of you are high risk. That's both a blessing and a curse. It means it's safe to at least meet for a walk in a park together. But it also means you're low on the vaccine totem pole. Young people who aren't medical or front-line workers won't get theirs until summer of 2021.
Either way, put dating and your lady friend on the back burner for now. Focus on getting your own place and moving out of your parents' home. Also, get a job in retail, if you're not able to get a higher-paying office job. It'll give you some income, and push you up the CDC's vaccine priority list, to something like February.
It sounds like he is low functioning enough socially that he will need structured employment. I think goodwill would be a great place to start. They are also very familiar with how much people on disability are able to earn without losing their assistance.
Have you considered that your "girlfriend" might be catfishing you?
Why would a 24 yr old with a PHD in physics want you for a boyfriend? Seems a smart girl like that might have other options.
Meet the person, I'd bet there is a 90% chance she gets called off to Europe for a very important meeting with a Nigerian prince that needs her help getting gold and jewels out of his country. She will email you that she needs $10,000 so she can bribe the customs official and they you guys will be rich forever!
Since she is also on the spectrum, to me that explains why they connected and why neither of them really understand the consequences of what they’re proposing.
I think what he was describing is she gets so much for living expenses with her student loans that she thinks she could support them both.
I do wonder if OP and this gal would actually click in person because they may not like another thread in one of the sections that I saw this morning. They were doing great through texting and phone calls but when they met there was no spark, it was friend zone.
I know the OP has made a few threads about LDR and his working with his mother running the show, wanting him to live off of the government the rest of his life. She has him snowed that he has "low points" that would stop him from becoming something. People with autism have gone far but she's holding him back.
The government doesn't give benefits for autism any more. Hopefully they pull the plug on it so the OP will finally be forced to sink or swim. I have a feeling that day will be coming since they do not offer it any more.
I don’t think it’s accurate or fair to say that. He may be that low functioning. I have a link that shows that they no longer give disability benefits for autism? I have a hard time believing that, and if it’s true it is reprehensible. I’ve worked with many many autistic kids when I worked in school districts that will never be able to be independently functioning and will always need assistance.
I'm in NJ, my friends son who's now 27 has autism. She tried to apply before he turned 18, I can't remember his exact age but they told her they do not pay for autism any more because there's so many people on the spectrum. I wish I had a link to back it up but I don't. Pretty sure she also tried a few years ago when he couldn't hold a job, was told no again. He's finally found a job as a mechanic at a dealership by her or in PA, the next state over from her.
I think he probably was not low functioning enough to qualify, but I really don’t believe that they don’t give benefits for severely affected individuals anymore. If he was able to get a job at a car dealership, he probably was not that low functioning and probably closer to Asperger’s end of the scale.
I'm in NJ, my friends son who's now 27 has autism. She tried to apply before he turned 18, I can't remember his exact age but they told her they do not pay for autism any more because there's so many people on the spectrum. I wish I had a link to back it up but I don't. Pretty sure she also tried a few years ago when he couldn't hold a job, was told no again. He's finally found a job as a mechanic at a dealership by her or in PA, the next state over from her.
It's individual, case by case, with extensive documentation. The OP is currently receiving benefits. And rightfully so. In the vast majority of cases it is very well deserved.
If your friend's son is working as a mechanic, he is certainly very high functioning. Working as a mechanic is well above most of our pay grades. It's certainly above mine.
NJ does pay for benefits to individuals with autism if they qualify. The disabilities staff person your friend talked to did not communicate the correct information. They should have said that there wasn't adequate documentation that he qualified for it as he was so high functioning that his very slight Asperger's tendencies would have no negative impact on potential employment or the diagnosis of Asperger itself was in question. People don't realize that people have to go through reams and reams of documentation, paperwork etc to qualify. It is an arduous procedure not to be taken on lightly.
I'm glad it worked out for your friend's son and he is gainfully employed as a mechanic. That is wonderful news.
People don't realize that people have to go through reams and reams of documentation, paperwork etc to qualify. It is an arduous procedure not to be taken on lightly.
.
And in the OP's case, we don't know what his real situation is. He obviously communicates well here, on the forum, but we can't say if the parents are truly being overprotective and restrictive or if OP isn't capable of holding down even a part-time volunteer job, let alone living independently and contributing to a household.
No this is is someone new. Its still an LDR and no we have no met in person yet. We are going to meet next year and she would be a few hours drive away. She is 24 and is going to get her PhD in physics. She would get about 45K a year to support herself every year. She would be willing to fully support me financially if something does happen.
I wouldn't mind waiting and meeting her a few times but that is not the problem. My mom wants her to move in with us but she has her own place and doesn't want to move in with my parents. So this is a case where we would be visiting each other only. This is also ridiculous because even if she was living on the same street as me I can't move into her house.
I am confused. You call this stranger, whom you've never met, your girlfriend? this must be so rough on you. Hang in there ok
Honestly it is too kind of your parents to allow her to move in with the family, so please appreciate their willingness to be so flexible with you. This could be a mass murderer. And yes, to keep my own son I may even be wiling to bend to this crazy agreement. The fact is, it's your parents who are mentally exhausted picking up the pieces. And you know you will need them when you make bad decisions and it all falls apart.
Clearly they love you to death to put themselves in harms way this way for you and your stranger you call your girlfriend to say she can move in. Love them, appreciate your parents. If this stranger won't move in with you and your family, then maybe she isn't that into you.
She may be corresponding with many people at once too.
About conservatorship, that's up to you. I don't know your parents well but your description of what you perceive could happen sounds spot on to me. You know your parents more than anyone.
Last edited by Lollypopper; 12-23-2020 at 04:03 PM..
I would love to get off government assistance and get an actual job. That was something I wanted to do but my parents were against it. They said that they worked too hard to get me on it and I am set up for life. I understand what they are saying but I can make a LOT more by getting off of it. That is another battle I fought with them about. I would be happier off of government assistance and they would have no say over what I do at that point. I am just so confused and it has really killed my motivation. Like whats the point of learning a skill if you aren't able to use it?
I think she believes I will just push carts at Walmart for eternity.
It's very difficult to get back on government assistance after you get a job. You start from scratch trying to prove your disability which often sneakily comes back after doing well for a few years. Then during those years you are trying to get back on, your parents are paying for you financially. It's unfair to expect that of them. Please don't risk it.
I believe you can earn a little money, up to $1300 a month here in California but who knows how much your state allows. You get to keep half of that money but DO NOT go OVER.
However there is a way you can make ALOT MORE. Start your own business. There are a ton of write offs so you can earn alot more without showing as much $. I am guessing you are on SSI . You write off things like mileage, clothes, office space in your bedroom and stuff. This means you make alot more money
Is there a support group nearby where you may meet others on government assistance? A mental health support group maybe? It seems easier for you to date someone in the same boat. Someone who also has supportive parents to where you have two sets of parents watching out for you both. This is a situation I hope for my son someday. Sadly he is way too smart and can hold a good job but has schizophrenia. We hope he is open to getting a vasectomy but would love for him to get married some-day. To someone else who also has the same disease so we can share overseeing them with her parents, hopefully.
When you pick a girlfriend in the same boat, then everyone is on the same page. My guess is your parents would be very happy if you found the right girl and got married and moved out, but they adore you so much they don't want you to risk your SSI. Easiest way to avoid this risk is to find another person who is on SSI too.
Sidenote- If you are ever gifted any money, NEVER tell your SSI Worker about it ok
Last edited by Lollypopper; 12-23-2020 at 04:29 PM..
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