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I totally understand that you're annoyed that you were asked to plan the trip, you planned the trip, then they cancelled. I'm not sure why you did all of that, though - where was your husband?
It does seem that there is a daughter-in-law vs daughter issue here, tied in with a grandkid vs grandkid. I will repeat what another poster said - you will not win this. Your husband is likely used to his parents catering to his sister, and knows that he can't make his parents change how they see things, which leads to his "okay". Your SIL is needy and her son doesn't have what yours has - a fully functioning set of parents. Maybe your inlaws are trying to make up for that.
So while I do abstolutely understand why you are annoyed, please don't take it out on your husband. He's on the same team as you are, not the enemy. Think about this situation, learn from it, and let him lead when it comes to his family.
OP, you don't mention a husband for your SIL. You only mention a SIL who lives with grandma and doesn't take care of the baby.
Let me offer this.
Your MIL is not worried about your son. He's fine. She's not as connected to him because he doesn't live with her, but basically your family is fine.
Her daughter is not fine, and she worries about her grandson's future. As it is she does all the care for this child, she's worried about her daughter also.
And she's trying to make the lives equal for her two grandsons. Yours is doing great. The other one, not so much, and it's kind of breaking her heart. So at least he can say he had a doting grandma.
Has her daughter always demanded/needed more attention than your husband?
That's the dynamic. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. The successful child gets less attention.
My SIL bf lives with them too. He watches the baby during the day when everyones at work. FYI my PIL are both still working thats why we want them to take the trip. Every year on their bday week they take a week vacation from work. When my FIL gets home, he takes the baby from the father so he could get ready for work. When my MIL gets home, she takes over watching the baby till the baby falls asleep then she gives him to my SIL.
My husband has another sibling who lives with his gf. Both my husband and his brother finished college except for my SIL. Shes the youngest too.
I hope Im wrong but I see that my PIL favors their other grandchild over my son. One time when we were visting at their house, my husband and I decided to spend the night there with our son. We needed something for my son so we were gonna go out to but it. My MIL said just leave our son with her and she will watch him. Before we even left the house, we heard a loud bang. It was my son. He fell and hit his head. My MIL who supposed to be watching my sone left to go upstairs to put her other grandson to sleep. She left my son to my SIL. Why my SIL cant put her own son to sleep and let my MIL watch my son? My husband was upset but knowing him he didnt say nothing to them.
I can see the annoyance. The sister in law requested the trip and then the sister in law is the one who squelched it after plans were made.
However, OP, you can't force people to go on a trip that they don't want. There is nothing your husband can do about it, so there is no reason to be mad at your husband.
This is what I would do. I'd cancel part of the reservations and then my own family would go and enjoy the trip. Too bad to miss mommy's birthday party because we already had reservations for a vacation trip.
Stop competing for attention and concentrate your own effort towards enrichment for your own child. You have a stable family, take full advantage of it. Plan activities that will stretch your child's mind and strengthen his body.
Unless you stew over it, your child won't even notice that his cousin gets more "grandma time".
I hope Im wrong but I see that my PIL favors their other grandchild over my son. One time when we were visting at their house, my husband and I decided to spend the night there with our son. We needed something for my son so we were gonna go out to but it. My MIL said just leave our son with her and she will watch him. Before we even left the house, we heard a loud bang. It was my son. He fell and hit his head. My MIL who supposed to be watching my sone left to go upstairs to put her other grandson to sleep. She left my son to my SIL. Why my SIL cant put her own son to sleep and let my MIL watch my son? My husband was upset but knowing him he didnt say nothing to them.
It sounds like your in-laws all function as a family unit because they live together. On one hand, it's nice for them to have each other. On the other hand, it's kind of dysfunctional if it's to the point that some can't travel without the others.
Yes, your inlaws favor their daughter and her kid more than yours. It must be very hurtful, but from my observation of situations like this in my family, it's not changing.
Don't take it out on DH. Live your life and try not to get too involved with your inlaws. If you can take the trip with just your family, than do it. I wouldn't fight with DH over this.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, maybe, maybe, maybe.......BS. What the OP needed was direct, honest communications, no friggin' "perhaps" and "maybe" scenarios from a bunch of strangers. This is not an unrealistic expectation on the OP's part.
Sounds like her in-laws have their collective head stuck when the sun don't shine.
Are you out any deposit money? They should cover that.
Now that you are completely and fully aware of what you are dealing with, if I were you, I would never again be the cruise director for any event. Just my 2 cents.
I spent years herding 4 families on vacations. It is a thankless job even if a good time is had by all. You can never please them all.
If DH expects you to doit ever again tell him it's his family. He can do it.
My husband and I invited my inlaws for a weekeng get away. Its my mother inlaw’s birthday and we wanted to do something special for her. Initially, the plan was a viethdat party but sge doesnt want a party and only wanted a birthday trip. We arranged everything including renting a van and booking the hotel suite. My husband’s sister and her family is also going. Weeks later his parents cancelled. The reason is because they said that their grandkid ( from my husbands sister) cant tolerate long drive. My husband just said “ok”. Im upset because we did all the planning and they just cancelled just its nothing. The trip is not till a month from now.
My husband and I also have a son and I feel that they only care about their other grandson what about their grandson thats also gonna go. Its like its not important for them that their other grandson is also going.
What are your guys thoughts? Do I have the right to b upset? Thanks.
I forgot to add thatblast year they went on the same trip with the daughters family. We werent able to go. Maybe thats when they found out the baby cant tolerate long drive.
I think you are right to be upset, but not with your husband. What is he supposed to do, force them into the car? It's not going to help anything for him to call and ream them out, after all. I get that you wanted him to shame them or let them know how rude it was for them to cancel, but in the end it wouldn't have done any good.
Maybe they themselves didn't want a long trip especially with kids along, but didn't want to hurt your feelings. I myself said "that's my last road trip" after we drove to SC for my nephew's boot camp graduation and I was only 55 then. Maybe after the trip with the other relatives, they realized it was too much for them.
This has less to do with the trip and more about the situation. Your hurt your family isn't getting as much attention from the grandparents.
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