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Can you remind them that this is your wedding and not their battle ground on which they can fight out their extended sordid divorce grudges? Just tell both of them that you are all adults and you would like them to put aside their differences on this day and let you relax and enjoy the moment.
It may make you feel better and relieve some of that anxiety to express it.
Sure she can. She absolutely can.
It is NEVER too late to elope. That's what I'd do if I were you!
stagemomma has beat me to the punch it is never too late to elope . To heck with the money peace of mind and peace period far outweighs family drama and the money spent already .
Mom wants us to disinvite dad. Dad wants to be able to bring his new girlfriend who is not technically invited. If that happens, and we don't forbid dad that guest, mom doesn't come. If we disinvite dad, he will pull the plug on other guests who we actually would like to see but because they are his side of the family, none will come. Its a non win situation. In fact, the whole event is this way. If we call it off, we are inconveniencing some of the guests we would really like to see as they will have to travel and cancel those plans. Maybe we can offer to reimburse them.
The point is not if the relationship with these people will be improved or destroyed. The point is my mental health and well being. The drama is easier to ignore if its not in your physical space.
My fiancee wants to see certain people. Which means the show will go on despite the almost daily bombshells about nonsense. I need some Xanax.
I'd be tempted to tell mom and dad that you and your BF got fed up with all the nonsense, and went ahead and went to the courthouse and got married. Sooo no wedding for them! lol
Meanwhile, do what you do. Have your wedding with your friends there. If it gets back to the parents...oh well. Then I'd be blunt with them, and tell both of them "You both were determined to make the day about you. You couldn't put aside your animosity for even one day, so I took the decision away from you."
How about realizing this event is an opportunity for all families to shine.
Few folks really do act out on social events...side on the positive.
It's everyone's day...while the bride may think it's all about her...it's really about folks witnessing two adults exchanging solemn vows . I sincerely hope the jitters dissipate so it can be savored as a fond day.
How about realizing this event is an opportunity for all families to shine.
Few folks really do act out on social events...side on the positive.
It's everyone's day...while the bride may think it's all about her...it's really about folks witnessing two adults exchanging solemn vows . I sincerely hope the jitters dissipate so it can be savored as a fond day.
The last wedding I attended for one of my relatives involved the police being called because (and I assure you that I am not making this up) someone threatened someone else over something that happened over 30 years ago.
If I thought for one moment that they would snap to because it was a social occasion, if I even had an inkling that might happen, I would not be on the verge of a panic attack at the mere mention of this event. These are two groups of very difficult folks who love having an audience to air their various and sundry issues.
I have a weird idea. What if you get married ahead of time, just you 2, don't tell anyone. Then when the day comes, it won't be your "Wedding day." It will just be a party. Do everything you were going to do, but maybe it won't seem like as big of a deal. ?? Other than that, positive self talk is my only advice.
Your feelings are natural. i think most brides worry about the same thing. Every wedding has family dynamics even if yours sounds insurmountable. Get married then sneak out.
Every wedding has its stories. Yours might have better ones than others.
Just go in and expect the worst, who cares? Have a sense of humor about it. And maybe have the police on standby.
I wish I could. The trouble is that its very triggering in many cases for both my fiancee and I. On both sides. I don't mean to make it sound like his family are the only ones with issues because they really are not-- mine can hold their own in the court of dysfunction. There is a lot of baggage (and have been many years of therapy between the both of us) because of family. You just can't untangle them though. You can't say one parent can come and not the other, one sibling but not this one. Add to that a couple of childhood friends that one of us loves and the other thinks are pretty insufferable and it makes for a day that requires chemical help to navigate.
I have a weird idea. What if you get married ahead of time, just you 2, don't tell anyone. Then when the day comes, it won't be your "Wedding day." It will just be a party. Do everything you were going to do, but maybe it won't seem like as big of a deal. ?? Other than that, positive self talk is my only advice.
I have thought about this. We are only inviting parents and siblings to the actual ceremony, which is at the courthouse, but even that has become a huge sticking point for religious relatives who are livid that we aren't getting married at a church (and that they aren't invited to the ceremony.) Some have bowed out which is fine by us, but others are still making lots of noise about this. Least of our problems at the moment.
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