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BoxField, just out of curiosity, has your friend ever acknowledged or actually thanked you for the meal & drinks?
I'm not a gambler but I'd put a dollar on 'No'.
What would be the best way to dump him? The direct approach is always the best.
Once I've had enough, I can be quite blunt. I'd be telling him that although I enjoy his company, it's disrespectful to expect you to pay his way.
His reaction will tell you much. If, as I suspect, he takes the 'What's a few dollars between friends? We are friends aren't we?' line, run, don't walk.
Good luck.
Last edited by Legion777; 12-30-2017 at 04:07 PM..
I now have compassion for Gents who have to fork over the meals and evening dates all because an unwritten society rule says the men have to pay. I am a lady if it matters. I come from the opposite end, where I struggle with accepting a kind gesture or even asking someone to cover for me. Its a disgraceful feeling that I try to avoid.
I had a friend who struggled financially til I found out her game plan was to max out her credit cards, file for bankruptcy and then proceed to go to various churchs and apply for poverty gifting. Seems some churchs' actually just hand over money to folks who are under hardship. Anyways, I removed myself from her life.
Five years later a package arrives. She had sent an offering of forgiveness for how she had behaved. Surprisingly I forgave her yet we remain aloof as I cannot put myself in harms way anymore.
I had a friend who struggled financially til I found out her game plan was to max out her credit cards, file for bankruptcy and then proceed to go to various churchs and apply for poverty gifting. Seems some churchs' actually just hand over money to folks who are under hardship. Anyways, I removed myself from her life. .
This woman I know would max out her credit cards then tell her church she didn't have money to go on the retreats. They'd give her the money for that. She also financially abused her three ex-husbands. She has an entitlement mentality. She has storage facilities all over the city, filled to the brim with "STUFF" she bought at the mall.
Many churches won't just hand people money these days. They will give out canned food, and used clothing but rarely give cash. Churches get hit up a lot by moochers, that's why they have to protect themselves. If word gets around that they're giving someone cash, other people will be on their doorstep wanting cash also.
I also sympathize with men in society expected to pay for dates. Not really fair. But it's even worse when so-called friends expect them to pay, as well. I know people always pulling their wallet out to pay for their parents, their SO, their friends...
Once he has you conditioned to accept that he doesn't pay for meals or drinks when in your company, he will move on to other ways to exploit you financially.
If you don't end this now, it won't be long before you find yourself "lending" him money (which he will never, ever repay or intend to), maybe even allowing him to live in your home "temporarily while he gets on his feet" (it will be very difficult to get rid of him).
As another poster said, the ball is in your court. The only way his mooching will end is if you end it. He won't change, so hoping for a different dynamic in the relationship is likely unrealistic. Cut him loose and find friends who want you for your company, not your ability to fund their lifestyles.
lol that's one thing I wanted to try. I figured that going to a bar was a bad idea. But honestly I won't enjoy paying for a $6 meal either. It pisses me off when people deliberately refuse to pull their own weight and I would most probably start resenting this guy anyway
Tell him. Say something like "why don't we split the check this time"? Or "I'm happy to go out with you but it is rather one-sided. I always pay and that's not making me happy, I feel like I'm being used.
So I made a new friend who moved to my town recently. He's going through a transitional period in his life and seems to be struggling financially. We have a lot in common and we hit it off instantly. He almost always initiates contact and asks me to hangout with him.
Things were fine until I started going out for drinks and food with him. He always asks me to cover up for him which I don't mind. What pisses me off is that when I get something for like 10 dollars he would go on and order several items, costing me at least 100 with no remorse at all. This happened on two occasions. And the last time we hung out, he asked me to buy him a drink, which I agreed to thinking that he would pay for the other items he had ordered, but he left without paying for anything.
Now the money isn't the problem for me because it's something I can easily afford. But if there's one thing I hate it's being taken advantage of. And knowing that maybe this person doesn't enjoy my company at all and probably befriended me for my money.
I really like this person and enjoy his company. But at the same time I don't want a user in my life. I would really like you advice on this. Should I see if this happens for the third time, or should I drop him now? What would be the best way do it?
It depends if his company is worth it to you. It seems quite plain that he's just using you for money. For me, it wouldn't be worth it; people who are not genuine really turn me off--and I don't care for other people's company that much, so this would be a no-brainer for me. I would just stop returning his phone calls. He's not entitled to your company. If he confronts you personally, use one/two-word answers, say you're busy, etc. I would hope eventually he'll get the hint.
Many churches won't just hand people money these days. They will give out canned food, and used clothing but rarely give cash. Churches get hit up a lot by moochers, that's why they have to protect themselves. If word gets around that they're giving someone cash, other people will be on their doorstep wanting cash also.
I also sympathize with men in society expected to pay for dates. Not really fair. But it's even worse when so-called friends expect them to pay, as well. I know people always pulling their wallet out to pay for their parents, their SO, their friends...
I'm glad you know ppl that care for family. Hope it influences you to be generous . I have kin that my wallet and heart will be open for. Nothing wrong in giving when they gave in the early years.
OP: tell this pseudo friend that you only pay for dates and he isn't on your playing team
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