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My parents have passed on. My Dad (bio),didn't speak well on weight. So I didn't care what his opinion contained.
When I became underweight...It worried my mom. So grateful for her caring and offering suggestions to gain thru excercise (muscle building) and a better food intake. It's equally unkind being called a stick or being called scrawny. My mom had a kind way of addressing health matters..So I often took it as caring..Not criticizing.
When in the company of someone delving out criticism about a person's weight I usually stop the remarks with a quick witted remark. Such as,hey! Jenny Craig,can I have your autograph? .
I don't see any further comments from the OP but I guess my reaction would depend in part on whether or not his father had a history of making hurtful comments.
My father belittled me and my sister over our weight when we were children. He used to say we were two axe handles wide in the hips. I didn't understand the insult at the time but it was clearly meant as one. He also liked to grab our heads and bash them together sideways. I guess he felt he'd been too vague about previous messages.
My feeling is that it is wrong to make comments about anyone's weight, height or build. Would you stop someone on the street and tell them they're fat or "Wow, you're really tall!"? Of course not. You should treat family at least as well as you would a stranger, then. Not that I learned that from my family.
But isn't he being a hypocrite? I find it odd that he has a weight problem himself and yet comments about the OP.
If he doesn't want the OP to be fat, then he himself ought to demonstrate that by example. Otherwise it comes off as brash and cruel.
But his father is most likely 20+ years older than him, and want's his son to make changes BEFORE his metabolism slows down and it becomes much harder to lose the weight.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Do people really think that adults who are overweight don't know it, haven't noticed the weight gain, and don't know the health risks?
This reminds me of a time when I had a giant zit on my face - I swear it was like a carbuncle or something and to make matters more striking, I NEVER had blemishes on my face, so it was this giant weird zit right in the middle of my cheek. No way I could hide it.
So that weekend I was at my parents' house and my brother walked in and said, "Holy crap, you've got a huge zit on your face!"
I just looked at him a second and then said, "WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THANKS SO MUCH FOR POINTING THAT OUT BECAUSE OTHERWISE I'D HAVE NEVER NOTICED!"
Actually yes, when i got married at the age of 21 I was 6ft5 195-Lbs, when I was divorced at 30 I was 345-Lbs, did I notice the weight gain? not really, I was busy being married, working and it did not really effect my life. but when I divorced and re-entered the dating pool THEN I NOTICED!! I then busted my hump and lost 115-LBS in 4 months. Now I am 47 and have not crossed the 300Lbs mark since then, I swing between 220 - 240, only once getting close to over weight again and that was when I had an ex-gf living with me that had 4 kids(that meant junk food was in the house), another reason I avoid single mothers.
I don't see any further comments from the OP but I guess my reaction would depend in part on whether or not his father had a history of making hurtful comments.
My father belittled me and my sister over our weight when we were children. He used to say we were two axe handles wide in the hips. I didn't understand the insult at the time but it was clearly meant as one. He also liked to grab our heads and bash them together sideways. I guess he felt he'd been too vague about previous messages.
My feeling is that it is wrong to make comments about anyone's weight, height or build. Would you stop someone on the street and tell them they're fat or "Wow, you're really tall!"? Of course not. You should treat family at least as well as you would a stranger, then. Not that I learned that from my family.
And then you go to 350 lb and die from heart attack at age 40, leaving 3 orphans and broken wife, and your parents will need to live the rest of their life torturing themselves with a question "why didn't I say something"?
And then you go to 350 lb and die from heart attack at age 40, leaving 3 orphans and broken wife, and your parents will need to live the rest of their life torturing themselves with a question "why didn't I say something"?
Thanks for the complete non-sequitur.
I had forgotten there are people in the world who justify their cruelty to others by saying, "But it's for her own good!"
Depending on which family member it was, I'd be snarky and say, "Oh yeah, well I at least I can lose the weight. You can't change your face!"
But then, my family is VERY snarky and throws insults with affection as part of their daily lives without anyone taking offense. So if I said that, everyone would just laugh and carry on.
But his father is most likely 20+ years older than him, and want's his son to make changes BEFORE his metabolism slows down and it becomes much harder to lose the weight.
How do you know what he wants for his son? The OP claimed his father makes his comments and then laughs. If the father was so concerned about another person's weight and metabolism then he should say it is out of concern rather than laugh. Otherwise I maintain the comments are cruel and uncalled for. Generally people know if they have put on weight without others calling attention to it.
No matter what the father has his own weight to worry about. There is no justification or rationalization to be a jerk about it.
Either ignore it or tell them to kiss your grits. When people say things like that to me, I fire right back at them. Shuts them up real fast and they tend not to do it again. Apparently, they don't like being told they look chunky this year either! Who would have guessed?
He's not "making jokes", but you wrote his comments off as such.
Either you're willing to have a conversation about weight gain..."I know, right? It sucks". Or "You make me feel like crap always pointing that out."
OR, you're not.
You say your relationship is "FINE" other than those TWO TIMES he made the remarks?
Only you know the real truth about your relationship, what his normal conversational style is, how personal he is or isn't willing to get.... and that's what determines how these conversations go, IMO.
This pretty much applies to all topics in family dynamics, I think.
Once someone told me "If you don't want to argue, then just don't."
Best advice I ever got.
Since you shared your history, and it obv bothers you, I'll just say: KETO. Check it out.
I had forgotten there are people in the world who justify their cruelty to others by saying, "But it's for her own good!"
It's not cruelty. I will not say a word about something that a person cannot change like a short stature for a man. And I will not going to sit still and see a relative smoking, drinking or eating himself to death.
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