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I have a cousin who used to make all kinds of comments about my weight. At a family reunion, with the microphone, he told everybody they better get to the buffet before I did to make sure any food was left. There were a few little giggles through the crowd but you could tell everybody was as uncomfortable about it as I was. I tried ignoring him as long as I could until once when our two families were together. He said something about my weight and my mother actually looked at him and asked him why he thought it was his business how much i weighed. She then reminded him of something she's told everybody, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". Haven't heard another word out of him.
The fix is to do yourself the favor of getting on a full time diet that works ("special" diets over the short haul don't help anything but an already over-paid industry). You'll stabilize your weight and the comments will stop. I say this as someone who was nearly 300lbs at the heaviest (I'm 6'4" and 220 now, have been for about 15 years now).
The band-aid is to simply stand up and say "that kind of comment only hurts our relationship. Are you doing it intentionally or have you never realized that there's zero benefit?" Put him on the spot between saying he was clueless or willfully trying to hurt you. It should only take gathering the courage to say it once. Won't change the thoughts or feelings and those will eventually come out in new and interesting ways, so just be prepared to get to deal with in some other way.
I agree with this!
Sometimes it takes years to get the point when you realize that one must simply stop eating so much. Never mind the diets, which are sometimes good learning experiences, you simply have to change how you eat forevermore.
But, honestly, it is no one's concern about your size. And telling your dad that his comments are hurful and that them simply make you mad is not a bad thing to do.
I think you should do both. If you are not emotionally ready to overhaul your eating, then just do the second thing.
I think maintaining a healthy weight is the hardest thing I've ever had to do over my lifetime. It is hard.
So, whether you decide to do something now, or whether you later decide to change, please know that your relatives do not have the right to talk about your size. Tell them so.
Maybe ask Dad if he will go on a weight loss and workout program with you - and pay for it. I mean, if he's concerned about your health, he can help, right? And he has his own weight issues, so you can help each other! Otherwise, he needs to button it up.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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I don't think you should respond with insults of your own as that reinforces the idea that the topic is up for discussion.
I would not engage in any conversation about it. I'd just say something like, "wow, that was rude. And on Christmas, of all days. Wow". Then I'd change the conversation. If it really started to get to me, I'd avoid the offenders.
I'd also get an ally on my side. This person could change the subject, distract your father, call you away from him, etc.
Maybe it all boils down to a deeper evolutionary impulse. Parents want their offspring looking fit and desirable to attract good mates so the grandbabies turn out better. I could see this going on deep within my own dad’s primordial brain.
I'll bet all your friends LOVE your candor...especially given how easily you lost weight - why'd you ever gain it, anyway?! How many of your friends jumped your a$$ about the weight and was that really your motivation? Right - none - they only complimented you after you'd lost it - they weren't really your friends, then? BTW, 25 pounds isn't much of a challenge, especially for a 6' guy.
Thanks for demonstrating my point. Friends only tell you what you WANT to hear, so yes, they are my friends. Why did I gain the weight in the first place ? I used to eat like the OP. And although I found the program successful, trust me, the weight doesn't just fall off when you're 65. I also had to EXERCISE.
Usually its not the message itself but the delivery. No one with a brain is unaware that they probably need to lose weight if they ARE overweight. How a relative chooses to make you aware of it is entirely tied up in their own issues and what they want out of telling YOU about it. People are rude and careless because they have their own issues they can't manage. They may think saying something sarcastic or "funny" excuses them. I can see that a parent says something because they are concerned, but its often not that simple because its all in the delivery.
My dad was obese for decades. He was obstinate about it, probably ashamed, but listened to no one. At the declining end of his life he sometimes made comments about his kids' appearance or weight which irritated us because it was so hypocritical. He was also a pretty insensitive clumsy person when it came to others. He wasn't deliberately cruel, just clueless, a sad paranoid personality, and usually self-motivated. At least he had this little habit that gave us a hint that something unpleasant was about to be said....he would clear his throat a couple of times. This ended up giving us time to get "ready" to hear whatever it was. Much of the time I couldn't ignore his critical comments and would stew over them for quite a while. But it would have been worse if that little habit didn't exist. The surprise would have made them worse. But I also know that a critical comment had no power if it wasn't earned.
Yes, my mom is obsessed with my weight. We fight over it constantly. When I was young I couldn’t gain weight to save my life. She told ne never to get over 100lbs. When I did she kept telling me how heavy I was every time she saw me. Tell me how to lose weight (meanwhile she has been 20-50 lbs overweight my entire life). Thirty years of me asking her to stop... she still does it.
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BTW, 25 pounds isn't much of a challenge, especially for a 6' guy.
EXERCISE.
