How to tell my mom that she cannot live with us? (introverts, mother)
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I have a different spin on things.
Maybe your mom is jealous that you are happly married.
I would not let her move in and I would not leave her alone with you husband for any period time either.
Your mother is a hater.
Your husband needs to take one for the team. Tell your mom your husband said no even though you said yes but without it being a unanimous decision, she can't move in. You'll continue to try to talk your husband into it. Just string her along until she gives up.
OP here. Because my mom and I pretty much only communicate through FB messenger, I sent her a message saying, "So DH and I talked about you living here for the 6 months and we both decided it's just not a good idea and we don't think it would work out well. I think it's best that we each have our own space in order to continue trying to have a more positive relationship."
My mother..... I told her: "Mother, if you want to live near me, I will do my best to help you be as independent as possible, for as long as possible. But hear me very clearly: You. Can. Never. Ever. Ever. Live. With. Us. Ever. It is impossible. No matter what, no matter your health or economic status. Do you understand?"
Good luck. Stay strong, from someone else with a parent who would be unbearable to live with.
My husband has been telling my MIL almost exactly this for 9 years, and she is still trying to get her foot in our door. She too would be UNBEARABLE to live with.
Immediately say no because we don't have the best relationship and we argue constantly and I think it would cause more stress with myself and the relationship between my husband and I.
Just stick to this. You are a young family, and you do not need your mother messing up your relationship.
Fake posts from 'forum people' who are group spokesmen, can lead to an interesting discussion.
That is the point, not whether you are 'real'. I am sure you are, but this is all fiction and we are discussing a fictional family that doesn't exist on this dimension.
To me, that feels like a deception...
It is a waste of time to take this seriously and I think the *** is up.
If your group wants to say something, they should say it themselves. I have never heard of a forum group that meets once a week to make up fantasy stories. Though it is obvious when someone is 'from the group' because they start out with 10 posts.
Good luck to the family and I hope you all have a merry merry merry Christmas inside the snowglobe.
I said the 'J' as in jam, I a in Indiana Jones, and M, and in marshmallow.....is up, and that word was censored. I didn't know that word was a swearword...Like a 'blanksaw puzzle', or someone fiddling and dancing a 'blank'.....
Stop right there. She doesn't care for the OP. You are confusing selfish and self-serving behavior for love. It's like someone showing up for dinner to make sure you were eating healthy and then takes a place at the table to be fed. Hidden agenda.
She only shows up when she wants something, and what she wants now is to move in and control the OP's life. This is not a healthy relationship and the OP already mentioned being in therapy over this. You have to face the fact that some people can't be fixed, and the mother has spent a lifetime being a horrible person to the OP and continues to do so. A day or two of cooking baking doesn't make up for it, and it was very likely done by the mother so she could manipulate the OP isn't allowing her to move in.
I read the post, and what came through for me was that mom and daughter do not communicate well. It also sounds as if mom was a mother too soon, and said hurtful things to daughter when she was young. These are not good things, but if every immature mom who couldn't keep her mouth shut is to be judged about these things, who would be without fault? When I read the post it sounded as if there was a barely salvageable relationship there. I don't think that the relationship would be salvageable if mom moved in, and her desire to do so just shows she is still not mature.
But immaturity and lack of self control do not equate to lack of love.
I do sympathize with the OP here. I really don't blame her for not wanting her mom to live in her house.
Take care of, yes, but abuse each other? No, most certainly not.
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