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Sorry it's so long, but just want to talk about this.
I'm not sure why, but it feels like the moms of my daughter's school friends want nothing to do with me. It's like they decided this as a group or something. The first time I really met them was back in October at the first class fair. My daughter was always talking about a particular girl and when I figured out who the mom was I introduced myself to her and she just had this weird look on her face, like she was smiling to be nice, but was disgusted underneath. Idk. We talked some and I was happy to learn she had a son my son's age as well and SHE mentioned doing a play date, but I never heard from her. Oh well. Saw her again right before Christmas break, same situation. Then my daughter got invited to her daughter's birthday party. I went and she greeted me with that same weird smile. The party was okay. I have trouble around new people, but I chatted with a few of the other moms who were nice. I felt good when we left. I later texted the party host later to thank her for inviting us.
Fast forward to this past weekend my daughter got invited to another party. The first mom and kid weren't there (sick or something). I talked to one mom a little, but she seemed stand offish. Then another one arrived, one who talked my ear off at the first party. I said hello. She said, "hey how's it going, how's the move going?" I started to answer, but midway she said she'd be right back, then disappeared and didn't talk to me the rest of the time. I tried to join in conversations, but was either talked over or brushed off. This happened at least a half dozen times. Literally every time I tried to talk to ANY of them. Most of them wouldn't even look at me. I felt so isolated and awkward, I was dying to leave. I also heard one of them talking about her daughter's upcoming birthday party, which we aren't invited to. It hurts my feelings for my daughter who is good friends with this little girl. I would endure a painfully awkward party for her to be with her friends, but whatever, I'm not going to say anything. Her kid, her choice.
Last night was the third quarter fair. I arrived in line behind the mom who was very chatty at the first party. I said hello, she said a meaningless "hey." I made a comment about the parking lot and she said (not looking at me), "I know it's crazy" then turned all the way around. They all sat on the other side of the room. None of them even said hello or goodbye to us.
Part of me doesn't give a crap, because we are moving out of state this summer anyway, but I have literally done NOTHING to any of them to warrant this treatment. Our encounters have been few and brief and all conversation have revolved around our kids, school, husbands, pets etc. Nothing controversial or taboo. Anyway... I have to see them all at a school thing tomorrow and I'm sure I'll be seeing them several more before school is out. Right now I plan on continuing to be extra nice to them, kill them with kindness kinda thing, but not try to forge any friendships or remedy the issue, even though a part of me wants to ask if done something to offend them, because I know I haven't and I want to know why they've decided to push me aside. Thanks for letting me vent .
You know what? Who cares! I mean, I know that you want to be included in these things, but most of us have already lived that kind of life, right? Feeling like we are in High School again?
I, for one have been there done that. Played that game, and now that we are parents of our children, we don't have to play anymore!
Who cares if she turned away, or she didn't talk to you! You are not there for you anymore. Its all about your daughter.
And, if you plan to move away soon, it doesn't matter anyway.
Women can be real a$$holes, and it doesn't take much!
Smile your biggest smile, and be happy that your daughter is having a good time, then go home, and thank God you don't act like them!
... Right now I plan on continuing to be extra nice to them, kill them with kindness kinda thing, but not try to forge any friendships or remedy the issue, even though a part of me wants to ask if done something to offend them, because I know I haven't and I want to know why they've decided to push me aside...
Is it possible you're coming on too strong? Why not just be nice instead of "extra nice", which probably makes people put up their guards, because they think you are too pushy.
If you've talked a lot about moving, then maybe people don't want to invest too much into a friendship because you'll be leaving soon. It could also be that this group of mothers is just a clique of women who have known each other forever and don't want any newcomers. If they are that unfriendly, why would you want to be friends with people like that anyway?
Just because your children are friends doesn't mean you will necessarily become friends with the parents. You can be cordial to each other, but it takes much longer to develop a friendship.
Last edited by corgifreak; 03-09-2016 at 10:15 AM..
Are you non-LDS in a LDS area? If you live around people who belong to one of what I call "lifestyle" religions (different regions have different flavors, but in AZ it's LDS people), you can get shut out so fast you don't even know what happened. One of my friends had this happen as he is an atheist and at the time was living in fundie-ville. Women in the neighborhood wouldn't talk to his wife, kids wouldn't play with his kids, and the neighborhood guys would only talk to him when the wives weren't around. Religious types usually rally together.
I find women to be the hardest group to get along with. I don't know you, but I know the problem isn't necessarily you. We've had to move around quite a bit. I've found some of the mom groups to be quite interesting in behavior. It's kind of fun to sit back and watch cliques form, break up and then new groups form. Some of the moms I've clicked with the best were not necessarily the first moms I've met. I sometimes find us outsiders from elsewhere do better as a group than trying to fit into an existing group. I wouldn't worry about it especially since you are moving soon anyway.
Is it possible you're coming on too strong? Why not just be nice instead of "extra nice", which probably makes people put up their guards, because they think you are too pushy.
If you've talked a lot about moving, then maybe people don't want to invest too much into a friendship because you'll be leaving soon. It could also be that this group of mothers is just a clique of women who have known each other forever and don't want any newcomers. If they are that unfriendly, why would you want to be friends with people like that anyway?
Just because your children are friends doesn't mean you will necessarily become friends with the parents. You can be cordial to each other, but it takes much longer to develop a friendship.
My NEW plan is to be extra nice. Previously I have just been my normal self. The only time I talked about moving was when they asked me what program I was planning on putting her in for first grade and I said, oh we're moving out of state, so I didn't enroll her. They asked where and why and that was it. Even if they don't want to invest in me for a long term friendship, that is no reason to be rude. Also another mom is moving this summer too. They are still nice to her.
I don't want to be friends with them anymore. I am just not understanding how they can be nice and inclusive at one party, then snub me at the next!
Quote:
Originally Posted by 43north87west
Are you non-LDS in a LDS area? If you live around people who belong to one of what I call "lifestyle" religions (different regions have different flavors, but in AZ it's LDS people), you can get shut out so fast you don't even know what happened. One of my friends had this happen as he is an atheist and at the time was living in fundie-ville. Women in the neighborhood wouldn't talk to his wife, kids wouldn't play with his kids, and the neighborhood guys would only talk to him when the wives weren't around. Religious types usually rally together.
Trust me I get that! I have a friend in that exact situation. No one in her neighborhood will talk to her family. We just laugh about it. That is not the case here I don't think. The husband of the first mom is covered in tattoos (white couple), a few of them are Hispanic, one is in an interracial marriage. They seem to be diverse. Some of them knew each other from pre-k, but again if it was a clique thing, wouldn't they have been rude from the get-go?
Quote:
Originally Posted by VelouriaPDX
Have you reciprocated these social invites? Attempted to make plans? Why not try to set up a play date with just one of the moms?
Sometimes people are just distracted around their kids; I find it very hard to socialize with other adults when I'm also parenting.
At the end of the day, if these ladies are catty then who cares if you're not their cup of tea?
Normally I would agree, but the kids are 5-6 and capable of playing by themselves while being supervised from nearby. The moms kinda sat together most of the time. My daughter's birthday already passed and we didn't have a party. The only invites out we got were the two parties. The play date mom said she'd text me "some time" but never did. Maybe I should have, but that shipped had sailed now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Have you had other instances in your life where people have shunned you for no apparent reason?
If not, then either someone started some kind of rumor about you or something about your daughter has offended the other kids and their moms.
If it was me, I would pull one of them aside and ask if something was up that I could fix.
Once, but it was a two year thing and this woman randomly ghosted me. My daughter hasn't done anything. She really is a good kid and one of her teacher's praises is how well she gets along with all the kids. I honesty think the first mom did or said something, because she is the only one who has been weird since the beginning. Whatever it was was a lie though, because I haven't even had time to do anything! We'll see how it goes tomorrow. I may ask the chatty mom, because she was the nicest to me before acting weird.
Sorry it's so long, but just want to talk about this.
I'm not sure why, but it feels like the moms of my daughter's school friends want nothing to do with me. It's like they decided this as a group or something. The first time I really met them was back in October at the first class fair. My daughter was always talking about a particular girl and when I figured out who the mom was I introduced myself to her and she just had this weird look on her face, like she was smiling to be nice, but was disgusted underneath. Idk. We talked some and I was happy to learn she had a son my son's age as well and SHE mentioned doing a play date, but I never heard from her. Oh well. Saw her again right before Christmas break, same situation. Then my daughter got invited to her daughter's birthday party. I went and she greeted me with that same weird smile. The party was okay. I have trouble around new people, but I chatted with a few of the other moms who were nice. I felt good when we left. I later texted the party host later to thank her for inviting us.
Fast forward to this past weekend my daughter got invited to another party. The first mom and kid weren't there (sick or something). I talked to one mom a little, but she seemed stand offish. Then another one arrived, one who talked my ear off at the first party. I said hello. She said, "hey how's it going, how's the move going?" I started to answer, but midway she said she'd be right back, then disappeared and didn't talk to me the rest of the time. I tried to join in conversations, but was either talked over or brushed off. This happened at least a half dozen times. Literally every time I tried to talk to ANY of them. Most of them wouldn't even look at me. I felt so isolated and awkward, I was dying to leave. I also heard one of them talking about her daughter's upcoming birthday party, which we aren't invited to. It hurts my feelings for my daughter who is good friends with this little girl. I would endure a painfully awkward party for her to be with her friends, but whatever, I'm not going to say anything. Her kid, her choice.
Last night was the third quarter fair. I arrived in line behind the mom who was very chatty at the first party. I said hello, she said a meaningless "hey." I made a comment about the parking lot and she said (not looking at me), "I know it's crazy" then turned all the way around. They all sat on the other side of the room. None of them even said hello or goodbye to us.
Part of me doesn't give a crap, because we are moving out of state this summer anyway, but I have literally done NOTHING to any of them to warrant this treatment. Our encounters have been few and brief and all conversation have revolved around our kids, school, husbands, pets etc. Nothing controversial or taboo. Anyway... I have to see them all at a school thing tomorrow and I'm sure I'll be seeing them several more before school is out. Right now I plan on continuing to be extra nice to them, kill them with kindness kinda thing, but not try to forge any friendships or remedy the issue, even though a part of me wants to ask if done something to offend them, because I know I haven't and I want to know why they've decided to push me aside. Thanks for letting me vent .
Your answer is right in your own post. You're moving out of state and apparently have broadcast this to everyone and their brother since people are asking you "how is the move going?".
These woman(even the chatty one) think why bother getting to know Penny, she is going to be gone in a couple of months out of state and we will never see her again. No sense in getting too friendly with her.
Be thankful your child isn't getting the brush from her friends(kids can be mean) due to the move and forget this issue for yourself.
It's silly when you're moving shortly to put any energy into this.
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