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Your answer is right in your own post. You're moving out of state and apparently have broadcast this to everyone and their brother since people are asking you "how is the move going?".
These woman(even the chatty one) think why bother getting to know Penny, she is going to be gone in a couple of months out of state and we will never see her again. No sense in getting too friendly with her.
Be thankful your child isn't getting the brush from her friends(kids can be mean) due to the move and forget this issue for yourself.
It's silly when you're moving shortly to put any energy into this.
Read what I put above. I barely mentioned it and again, I get not wanting to forge a strong friendship, but it is not grounds for cutting me out or being rude.
ETA: And addressing hurt or confused feelings is never silly. I don't care about the long term, but I still would like to have enjoyable experiences with the parents. I'm not counting on it now, but it's very disappointing they are behaving this way.
Read what I put above. I barely mentioned it and again, I get not wanting to forge a strong friendship, but it is not grounds for cutting me out or being rude.
ETA: And addressing hurt or confused feelings is never silly. I don't care about the long term, but I still would like to have enjoyable experiences with the parents. I'm not counting on it now, but it's very disappointing they are behaving this way.
You do realize once you mentioned about not enrolling your child due to the move, the news of your move spread among the moms?
Why don't you focus on your move, hopefully you're happy about your relocation. It's March, the summer will be here before you know it.
People are funny, once they find out someone is moving(and soon like you) they figure why bother getting attached.
If it bothers you that much ask the chatty mom one on one and see what she says.
I get what your saying about hurt feelings, but I think you have to put them in "context", and who are the people and how important they are in your life to you who are causing them.
Your sister is giving you the cold shoulder and you don't know why vs. a few women acquaintances who you will never see again in a few months, and whose names you won't even remember in time.
See the difference?
As Eleanor Roosevelt said "no one can you make you feel inferior without your consent." It would be different if you had just moved there and was getting this treatment, you're leaving.
You do realize once you mentioned about not enrolling your child due to the move, the news of your move spread among the moms?
Why don't you focus on your move, hopefully you're happy about your relocation. It's March, the summer will be here before you know it.
People are funny, once they find out someone is moving(and soon like you) they figure why bother getting attached.
If it bothers you that much ask the chatty mom one on one and see what she says.
I get what your saying about hurt feelings, but I think you have to put them in "context", and who are the people and how important they are in your life to you who are causing them.
Your sister is giving you the cold shoulder and you don't know why vs. a few women acquaintances who you will never see again in a few months, and whose names you won't even remember in time.
See the difference?
As Eleanor Roosevelt said "no one can you make you feel inferior without your consent." It would be different if you had just moved there and was getting this treatment, you're leaving.
I'm not hung up on this. It's not dragging me down in my daily life. I only care some because I do have to see these people several more times before we move and deal with them not looking at me and brushing me off. I posted now, because I know I have to deal with this tomorrow and I'm thinking about how awkward it's going to be.
There are also two points you are missing 1) The first mom was weird to me the second we met, long before news of the move 2) Another mom is moving this summer and they are still nice to her. Here's a third point I didn't mention. The move conversation happened at the beginning of the party, and they were perfectly fine with talking and interacting with me the rest of that day. Their attitude didn't change until the next party. That is why I think the first mom said or did something. It was like a light switch. Not a gradual stepping away.
I'm not hung up on this. It's not dragging me down in my daily life. I only care some because I do have to see these people several more times before we move and deal with them not looking at me and brushing me off. I posted now, because I know I have to deal with this tomorrow and I'm thinking about how awkward it's going to be.
There are also two points you are missing 1) The first mom was weird to me the second we met, long before news of the move 2) Another mom is moving this summer and they are still nice to her. Here's a third point I didn't mention. The move conversation happened at the beginning of the party, and they were perfectly fine with talking and interacting with me the rest of that day. Their attitude didn't change until the next party. That is why I think the first mom said or did something. It was like a light switch. Not a gradual stepping away.
I completely get the awkward feeling and there must be something they are annoyed with.
Either one of your children has a bad reputation or you do.
Are you dressing inapropriately, look very different than others, have weird family members who might be known by them, criminal background, crazy ex bf ..... SOMETHING?
It is only awkward because you are allowing their behavior to control your emotions and reactions to their behavior.
If it did not bother you I doubt you would be posting about it and asking strangers for advice.
Why are you voluntarily trying to force people to like or talk to you? Go do what you need to do at the events and respond if one of them greets you, otherwise ignore them like a bad dog.
If this happens at the new place also, I would take a look at myself (and your kids).
For the current situation I would just let go. Not worth the energy.
Good advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennies4Penny
I'm not hung up on this. It's not dragging me down in my daily life. I only care some because I do have to see these people several more times before we move and deal with them not looking at me and brushing me off. I posted now, because I know I have to deal with this tomorrow and I'm thinking about how awkward it's going to be.
There are also two points you are missing 1) The first mom was weird to me the second we met, long before news of the move 2) Another mom is moving this summer and they are still nice to her. Here's a third point I didn't mention. The move conversation happened at the beginning of the party, and they were perfectly fine with talking and interacting with me the rest of that day. Their attitude didn't change until the next party. That is why I think the first mom said or did something. It was like a light switch. Not a gradual stepping away.
Well obviously it is bothering you enough to start a thread about it.
So you have to see them tomorrow, you already know how you have been treated. You smile, you say hello(but don't go out your way a wave across the room is fine) and that's it. If someone approaches you and starts up a conversation great, if not, that's OK as well. You tell yourself it doesn't matter, we're moving soon.
You feel like your back in HS, because YOU allow them to make you feel this way.
If anything, go over to a parent you don't know and start talking to them, and let the ones who have given you the brush see that. It shows you're not phased.
And maybe the other mom who is moving has lived there for many years and is well known.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
It is only awkward because you are allowing their behavior to control your emotions and reactions to their behavior.
If it did not bother you I doubt you would be posting about it and asking strangers for advice.
Why are you voluntarily trying to force people to like or talk to you? Go do what you need to do at the events and respond if one of them greets you, otherwise ignore them like a bad dog.
Exactly. I included the ER quote in my earlier post, because it is one of my favorites and so true.
I could kind of understand this if the OP was new to the area and had to deal with these people for the next few years, but she is moving very soon.
Last edited by seain dublin; 03-09-2016 at 12:18 PM..
My wife went through something similar when we moved to TX several years ago. Tried to make friends with the mothers of our children's friends and didn't have much success. I really don't know why or what happened, but eventually gave up. When we moved out of that neighborhood into another one, she met an entirely different set of mothers and had no problems.
My own feeling was that it was at least partly due to our economic status... We bought the first time in an area that we could easily afford, and my wife didn't have to work. All the other mothers did have jobs, so possibly they resented my wife for not working, or thought they were better than she was for not giving up their careers, I don't know.
Our current home, most of the households are single income and it's a more affluent area, so my wife fit in better I guess.
These stupid high school clique-type groups are common everywhere. These people you describe are shallow & have no power in their other relationships so they vent out by bullying others. It makes them balance their power. They are insecure & have many inner conflicts within the group. On the outside it might seem like they are happy but the group dynamic is way off balance. Imagine how miserable their life must be when they go out of the way to make someone feel unwelcome. The fact that you even care a little bit gives them all the power they need so don't fall for that. My concerns are politics, world affairs, my health, finances, family & future, not how I am going to make this new person feel miserable so that I can suck in some power. My job, intelligence, strong relationships make me feel powerful so I don't need to search for power any place else.
Don't even bother giving them a second thought. Pay attention to people who are interested in you. Be confident & don't feel any pressure to fit in if you feel pout of place. They are a small, insignificant part of your life so don't pay any attention to them. Fake formalities are enough when dealing with them. You tried mingling so your job is done. A lot of people in the group just follow one or 2 group leaders who decide the behavior of rest of the group. They follow these leaders without questioning them because they would rather be part of the group than be alone. A strong person walks away & finds their own kind but they wont give in to the 'abuse'. Be that strong person & find your own kind.
I can understand why this would hurt, and be confusing.
I don't think you're likely to get an explanation though. Unless you've had consistent problems with this throughout your life, its about something to do with them, not you.
While difficult, I think what I would do at this point is be friendly but aloof when you're around these people. No sign of rudeness, but just no efforts to reach out beyond surface interactions. Essentially, consider this group a closed chapter of your life, and mentally focus on the next chapter when you move. In fact, when you do have to interact with them, maybe you can just talk about how excited you are about your upcoming move. I mean, if they have no interest in you, why not return the favor completely (albeit in a polite manner)?
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