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I am DEFINITELY NOT a hugger, but my reason will probably surprise you.
I was abused and beaten as a child. I fear ANYONE touching me, especially my back, as neck to knees back there was "fair game" for {almost daily} beatings.
When I first met MOH, MOH would wrap arms around me and hold tight, I'd jump clean out of MOH's grip!
Also, MOH had to learn TO NOT touch my back if behind me, as I'd go through the roof!
I figure a hug, a kiss, a grasp OTHER than a handshake. meant the equivalent of pain. In My mind.
It is my body's "inbred reaction" that is hard to make the body "forget".
I DO NOT hug anyone without asking first, IF I feel moved- like for consoling after a death, for instance.
I value my "personal space"and I respect OTHER's Personal space. i just wish more people would respect MINE.
Had no idea there were so many people who don't like getting hugs.
With the French side of my family it would take for-ever to get out of the place as kissing everyone on both cheeks was mandatory. Generally I appear aloof but I love to give and get hugs and will hug anyone, not necessarily every time I see them. I find it therapeutic and think most times they do too. Don't do bear hugs or kissing much anymore unless it's one of the kids. Shaking hands is the preferred business protocol though unless we are close.
What I despise is when people in the health care professions hug you. Something about the "HEALING POWER OF TOUCH...." to my mind, it puts you in a degrading, belittled position. Especially if you actually get upset with them, for something clearly their fault, then they start patting you, rubbing you, hugging you, etc
Here's just one example----I had medical records sent to the doctor, and called to determine they actually had them. Oh, yes, they were right there in the office. Then, after about a 2-hour drive, etc, etc, got there, they didn't have them, and acted annoyed with me for expecting them to have them I was literally sent to 4 different places to find them, none had them, and then they told me I had missed my apt and would need to reschedule. I told them I was NOT making another such trip for their incompetence, I insisted THEY find those damned records and page the doctor wherever he was to come back. It was a serious matter concerning a bone infection that couldn't just be put off.
Then, the "nurse" or whatever she was, started rubbing my back and patting and hugging me, saying there, there....dealing wit all this is upsetting, we know.....I told her I did NOT want to be hugged, I wanted her to do her job, to which she responded with the standard " I was just trying to be nice" Well, treating me like a mentally deficient little kid isn't going to help anything, so, how about finding those records? Strange....she gave me a funny look, then burst out giggling, then said ok, I see your point, and got a wheelchair for me and off we went together to find the records! Turned out they were sent to dermatology, not rheumatology
But in general, look, I'm 61 years old (although I don't look a day over 60)
Recently we were at a restaurant and my order was goofed up. Usually I don't care to make complaints about minor mistakes in restaurants. We all make mistakes, waitstaff are human, my DD now works as a waitress, I woud hate for someone to be mean to her for a simple error. However, this was a big mess. I tried explaining nicely to the wait person and she starts patting me and rubbing me on the shoulder! So, I reached up and started patting and rubbing her back! Turnabout's fair play.....right
Had no idea there were so many people who don't like getting hugs.
With the French side of my family it would take for-ever to get out of the place as kissing everyone on both cheeks was mandatory. Generally I appear aloof but I love to give and get hugs and will hug anyone, not necessarily every time I see them. I find it therapeutic and think most times they do too. Don't do bear hugs or kissing much anymore unless it's one of the kids. Shaking hands is the preferred business protocol though unless we are close.
I have one friend in particular who is a bear hugger. He squeezes tight and practically lifts you off your feet. That I find annoying, but I put up with him doing it because he's such a nice guy. I have another friend who is a total germaphobe. She will not shake hands, hug or even stand close to anyone- she always keeps at least three feet distance when talking to someone because the thought of her inhaling air that someone else just exhaled totally grosses her out.
Not with family i'm not. Same for friends. If it's an attractive member of the opposite sex, then sure. Otherwise, i'm not a touchy feely person. Which is annoying when older people in my family-mostly my mother's side, want to hug me.
MaryLeeII, you made me laugh. What goofiness! First you are hit with a mistake and then you are assaulted with unwanted touching. Ugh. Pay it forward!
I'm a hugging health professional (retired.) And boy, do you ever want to go slow with the urge to fling yourself upon someone to spread the health. Heh. There are all kinds of things you can spread with touching including resentment.
Given the way things are in the health profession these days most of the hugging was done by staff during coffee breaks.
Just like it is in our private relationships touching is an intimate expression and I've learned to take my cues from others. Sounds like your nurse was soothing her own anxiety more than yours.
I grew up in a home where people only hugged by prescription. When you leave the house give a hug and say, "I love you" just in case something happens and you never see that person ever again. I always thought that was a scary reason to give a child for hugging family.
My parents were not huggy people, but my extended family is.
I'm definitely a hugger. Give them out, take them in, whatever. I hug people when we get together, when we leave...all the time. In general our whole social circle are very physical people, so its pretty normal.
We have one friend who I know doesn't like to be touched, so we don't hug him. Everyone else, definitely huggers.
Even the guys, although they do the "man hug" thing. Half hug with a pat on the pat on the back, or the weird hand-shake pull into a hug thing.
You can tell though IMO, what kind of hugs people are comfortable with; some of them like the one arm side hugs, some of them like full hugs, a couple of them do the bear hug-pick you up off the ground. We've figured each other out by now.
I don't like to hug people I don't know well, and even if I do know them I am not particularly huggy (like to say hello). However, children and people in distress (in other words, people who need comfort) will get a big soft hug for as long as they want.
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I was literally sent to 4 different places to find them, none had them, and then they told me I had missed my apt and would need to reschedule. I told them I was NOT making another such trip for their incompetence, I insisted THEY find those damned records and page the doctor wherever he was to come back. It was a serious matter concerning a bone infection that couldn't just be put off. 
)
Turnabout's fair play.....right
