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Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
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My sister in law sent out a group text that her husband had cancer... THEN I am sitting in the emergency room after someone T boned me at a red light and another group text that he had died....a month later....just ridiculous...and NOT ONE PHONE CALL IN BETWEEN....
I am relatively new to texting. I didn't even get a flip phone till 2007. But anyway, I am still not sure on all of it. It seems like most people just want to spend their time communicating by texting only.
My last job, before getting laid off...employees were walked out the door for even looking at their phones while on the clock.
I wasn't trying to argue with you, just saying text is very often the very quickest and most efficient way to get someone's attention.
The thing you're not understanding is that "quickest" and "most efficient" is not the important thing. An exception would be if you need to tell someone to get to the hospital ASAP, or some case like that in which speed really is of the essence.
But if the issue is a death, or infidelity, or something that grave, how you say it is more important than how quickly the person receives the message. Those situations call for the right kind of serious, respectful delivery of the news. That is why people are saying that if you must text first, text to say "I have some serious news that I need to talk with you about. Please call me as soon as you get this". Don't deliver the actual news over text (unless, as in the example above about getting to a hospital, it is extremely urgent). If they find out an hour later than they would have by text, it's okay. The respect with which you deliver the message is more important.
As an aside, one thing I've been seeing a lot lately is millenials saying "Oh, that's just how things are done now" to us Gen-X-ers and older. And with that, we're expected to not make an issue of it. In a way, societal change is good, and we live in an age where it's now socially acceptable to do or be a lot of things that weren't socially acceptable a generation ago. But I think there are certain social norms that the older generation should fight for. And I think this is a great example of that. Just because the very young only communicate by text doesn't mean that that's the way it should be done from now on, when it comes to news that requires a certain discretion. I don't care how often millenials say "that's just what people do now" - that doesn't make it true. You just haven't been taught good manners yet.
Spoken (no wait written ) like a person who will never understand that texting is not a substitute for all forms of communication. So for those who want to end important relationships fast, and maybe even have the receiver of the information go postal, use texting to communicate these things, among others:
4. The employee you're texting is fired.
Or you can text this kind of information and receive a text from someone else explaining that one of the above occurred to the receiver of your text shortly after you sent your message.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu
It is not about etiquette, it is about compassion.
Absolutely this! And text addiction is not just age related either. And BTW, #4 is a true story. My 33 year old younger sister, a texting fiend who hates talking on the phone, worked at a day care for about 5 years. She ended up in a conflict with her boss over maternity leave, and her boss, who was in her 60s, TEXTED her that she was fired. Surprisingly, this experience didn't turn her off from texting at all, and she has continued to text me everything, including horrible news, such as when our grandmother was on her deathbed. Every now and again I get sick of never hearing her voice since she lives 150 miles away, and she knows it when I stop responding to her texts. She then actually calls me and we always have long wonderful conversations.
But if the issue is a death, or infidelity, or something that grave, how you say it is more important than how quickly the person receives the message. Those situations call for the right kind of serious, respectful delivery of the news. That is why people are saying that if you must text first, text to say "I have some serious news that I need to talk with you about. Please call me as soon as you get this". Don't deliver the actual news over text (unless, as in the example above about getting to a hospital, it is extremely urgent). If they find out an hour later than they would have by text, it's okay. The respect with which you deliver the message is more important.
I had already said several times that is what I would do.
Instead, the wife, who was home alone, was indignent at my trying to "barge into her house" when her husband wasn't home. Now, maybe this may seem to be the most normal thing, I've heard of many a husband who has said they don't want their wife having "strange men" over if they're not home to protect them in case something goes wrong, but come on--they KNEW me,
Come on, man. "Knew you" or not, you as a man "popped in" on a married woman when husband wasn't home - you really can't see why she (or her husband) might not be comfortable with that? I'm not saying that that situation can't happen and be completely innocent, but she probably didn't know what your intentions were. For all she knew, you'd been eyeing her up at these meetings and had been hanging around the neighborhood, waiting for her husband to drive off. Obviously that wasn't your intention at all, but people have to be careful these days. And "pop ins" are usually not appreciated by most people. I don't even answer the door (we get Jehovah's Witnesses weekly) if I'm not expecting someone.
I decided to stop by their home to give them the good news, expecting a positive response--I mean, we'd been to these people's house before several times, in a small informal setting, they KNEW me. Instead, the wife, who was home alone, was indignent at my trying to "barge into her house" when her husband wasn't home. Now, maybe this may seem to be the most normal thing, I've heard of many a husband who has said they don't want their wife having "strange men" over if they're not home to protect them in case something goes wrong, but come on--they KNEW me, through CHURCH for crying out loud. No, that doesn't make things 100% credible (thank you Dylann Roof), but gee whiz, have we gotten so anti-social that someone from your CHURCH can't "pop in" for 5 minutes to share such good news in person, face-to-face?
I think this speaks more to the fact that people these days (myself included) don't like surprise visits. Personally, I don't answer my door if the doorbell rings and I'm not expecting anyone. That's a separate issue from you wanting to share your good news in person. If it were me, I would have called and said "hey, I'm in your neighborhood and have some good news that I'm dying to share with someone. Is it okay if I stop by for a couple minutes?"
Those saying that texting tragic news is offensive and cold have been brought up or conditioned to believe that.
It's called having been taught manners. And I say that as an extremely unconventional liberal. This is one of those conventions that actually matters and needs to be taught. Like the proper use of "your" vs "you're". Just because "ur" is widely popular does not mean that those of us who were "brought up" with good grammar shouldn't try to educate those who weren't. You (speaking generally of millenials) saying that something is just the way things are done nowadays does not make it so.
Face it....most people use text messages to avoid phone conversations. That way they are in control. No getting into a lengthy phone call hearing about the "other stuff" the other person wants to share.
Texting is NOT a good method to contact someone about a sad and tragic occurrence in life. It is extremely insensitive to the recipient who has to find out that a loved one passed away or a boyfriend no longer wants anything to do with her in such an impersonal manner as a text.
this is no way is meant as an insult to you or anyone, but America needs to grow a set....if texting helps people avoid phone calls, then take control and tell your friends to call you, but you can't and won't talk long...I'm so tired of people getting offended when you ask them not to call between such and such a time?
And also, rosebyanothername, actually the subject of this conversation is call someone if you have bad news to tell them....
but on this subject....my schedule is very different from the schedule of most...so most of my friends and even family would not listen when I asked them not to call me at such and such a time of the day....I said I'm free on weekends....but in the evening, I would prefer not to receive any calls unless its an emergency.
I wrote this in an email to all my friends and relative so they wouldn't get offended...however, a few insecure people did get offended b/c they are unable to recognize that my life, thoughts and beliefs are different from theres. Frankly I don't care...if they become offended, to bad, this is my life and my request. I don't live to please anyone else but me any more....I'm not nasty, but I do tell it like it is.
And if people get offended, then they are unable to recognize, not everyone thinks and feels like they do...
Originally Posted by shyguylh View Post
I decided to stop by their home to give them the good news, expecting a positive response--I mean, we'd been to these people's house before several times, in a small informal setting, they KNEW me. Instead, the wife, who was home alone, was indignent at my trying to "barge into her house" when her husband wasn't home. Now, maybe this may seem to be the most normal thing, I've heard of many a husband who has said they don't want their wife having "strange men" over if they're not home to protect them in case something goes wrong, but come on--they KNEW me, through CHURCH for crying out loud. No, that doesn't make things 100% credible (thank you Dylann Roof), but gee whiz, have we gotten so anti-social that someone from your CHURCH can't "pop in" for 5 minutes to share such good news in person, face-to-face?
doesn't matter if they know you....this isn't about you, it's about them...just b/c you feel one way about it and they feel another doesn't make you right and them wrong or visa versa.
You seem to be unable to understand that not everyone thinks and feels like you do, and be it you know them or not, doesn't give you the right to visit when husband isn't at home. This might be Their rule, maybe something happened that you don't know about to one or both of them...this isn't your home, it's theirs, and you need to be sensitive to and respect their house rules. Not just theirs but the rules of others.
Just because you go to church doesn't make you a saint to others...some of the worst people can be church fanatics....not saying they all are, but believe me...
all yo would have had to do was give them a call and say, I've got some great news I'd like to share with you, when would it be convenient for me to stop by for a few minutes....
And then only stay for a few moments...people work, have their own lives, and are very busy....you need to understand that
If you can't consume this, then I'm sorry.
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) like a person who will never understand that texting is not a substitute for all forms of communication. So for those who want to end important relationships fast, and maybe even have the receiver of the information go postal, use texting to communicate these things, among others:
