Cultivating a new freind. Not sure about this. (girlfriend, father, person)
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There is this guy who I occasionally run across. I knew him from this political discussion drinking group I used to go to (sort of a beer, bar food and politics thing, once/month), but our paths started overlapping a bit since we went to some similar live music venues and open mic nights.
I sort of want someone to go out with to see live music shows, check out some of the new craft beer places around here, etc. Just a buddy to go out with.
I sort of broached this via an email to him, in response to one to me about letting me know when a local perfomer is going to be playing, but he hadn't responded.
He knows I'm gay, so I am wondering if he is misreading my intentions (which are strictly platonic) or he might be uncomfortable being seen with me. He is single, had a break-up with a girlfriend a while back (not sure of the details). There is also an age difference...I think he is in his 30s or late 20s, while I am mddle age.
Anyway, just some thoughts. I am fine with being just a casual acquaintance with this guy (someone where our paths cross now and then), but wanted something a bit more planned. To be frank I am not sure how one goes about this....without it seeming forced and odd. My inclinations is to just let it lie and not push it.
If I were him, I probably would not think that you meant it as strictly platonic. My guess is that that is the sticking point. A follow up email clarifying what you meant may be OK.
If I were him, I probably would not think that you meant it as strictly platonic. My guess is that that is the sticking point. A follow up email clarifying what you meant may be OK.
I agree. Although I would probably have asked him to his face initially (for future reference). Emails lead to too much reading between the lines, which often leads to misunderstandings, etc.
OP, you would really be better off trying to start friendships with people who are closer to your own age and also sexual orientation.
Let's face it, most people are most comfortable with people who are similar to them.
It sounds like you're old enough to be his father(in addition to him being straight and you gay), most people don't want to hang with people who are their parent's age or close to it.
I don't think you should reach out via email. Too much potential for crossed signals. Talk to him in person when you run into him but don't try to explain that you're not "interested" in him. I would never suspect a man who I knew was gay was trying to hit on me unless he 1) openly and unambiguously said he was trying to hit on me or 2) he started denying he was trying to hit on me.
Whether he answers you or not, I would clarify my intentions in another email so that there will be no tension when your paths cross again.
No, no more emails. In reality the OP should have asked this guy when he ran into him about upcoming events and would they like to attend one together.
But no more emails.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Howdy
I don't think you should reach out via email. Too much potential for crossed signals. Talk to him in person when you run into him but don't try to explain that you're not "interested" in him. I would never suspect a man who I knew was gay was trying to hit on me unless he 1) openly and unambiguously said he was trying to hit on me or 2) he started denying he was trying to hit on me.
^^^^ this.
But I also think the OP should find people closer to his own age range to hang out with. Straight or gay.
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