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I really do wonder why some of us are born in the same families with siblings whose personalities and ours are so very different, and the compatibility so low, that if they were from other families we'd never get along, never be friends, and quite possibly hate each other.
It's even worse when a parent is like that.
All I can say in my family is that I will not repeat the bad behaviors of some of my family members (including my own as I've erred too... I'm not perfect).
Older folks and sometimes younger ones are just incorrigibly stubborn and difficult... they will not change...
A major reason I yearn to marry is so that I can focus on my own little household and later, children - sure, a wife and kids do bring drama of their own, but at least it's your own... that way the other people in the family have to respect your privacy.
Will I let them into to family events? Absolutely. I just won't repeat, as I said, some really bad behaviors...
..had I known this at age 20..when I was pregnant with my first child... I would had been in therapy.. & treated my children FAR better...
I did not know this was a threatening illness until I suffered horribly..
& ZING... I finally I went to a mental health clinic no appointment, I got in though & I sat & BAWLED at age 44. Now 52.
I already raised my kids & my childhood life ruined my parental skills..
I don't yearn to marry, but maybe if my therapist can heal me from within.. maybe I will desire a true loving marriage & attract a good loving caring un-enabling man..
until then, a cat owns me...
Not to worry there is hope, for you. Your approaching that crucial moment when you break free. Don't give your Mother, free reign to influence your child further embittering you. I had to break free from the narcissism BP disorder, I only wish I'd done it much sooner. The entire family is toxic. After all the damage she'd done, my family actually thought I would help care for her in her elderly years.
I've never understood the "well they are family you just have to put up with it" thing.
Does that work in reverse?
Like 'Oh, well then, the next time someone gets mean with me I'll just double, triple the mean right back' and they'll have to put up with it?
What is that, a license to be abusive in self defense?
I also have a sister who is the same way && my Mother is a tiny bit, they hurt with their comments but in reality they are just trying to be funny, && it does hurt us emotionally. I Love them bith dearly && i pray to God everynight to give me Patience , patience towards my Family & humans. If I can live in this dirty world, i know i can live with my Family. I forgive them because their not all mentally here in my point of view. They need help but i doubt theyll change. Thats just how they are and probably have their downfalls but dont show it.
I say keep in touch with ther, just remember yourself to not truly believe what she says for the sake of your mother stay together ,Do you belive your mother desrves to be put thru hell , seeing her 2 most loved daughetrs not talk to each other. But when ever your sister talks to you that way you need to shut her down, leave her talking & walk away dont demostrate it bothers you laugh it out & ignore her ,maybe that way she will know its not a way of getting attention , cause simply shes Crazy talking to herself. Or move but keep phone communication && if she starts just tell her "I love you sis, Iam not in the mood, call me back when you can have a normal conversation" & hang up. I know its hard work but with the power of God everything is possible. Good Luck!
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