How do you interact with long term close friends you broke ties with, when you run into them? (person, member)
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Do you have people who you were once very close to that that are no longer friends? Maybe you changed and no longer had much in common. Or you had a serious falling out with. Or your career and lifestyle changed and you just don't hang out with people like that anymore.
I have had some friends I was very- very- very close to for the longest times but we changed and I came home from engagements with them and thought that the there was just not much left to talk about. They started to bore and frustrate me. We had just became too different. (They might feel the same about me but they did not say that verbally)
But unlike lovers, it seems like society tells us we have to use a passive aggressive approach to ending unsatisfying friendships. (Such as slow to return phone or text messages, saying we were busy (when we really aren't), acting bored, not giving positive reinforcement, etc. hoping that will send the message that the friendship is over. Usually we just stop seeing each other socially and nothing is said. I hate the passive aggressive approach and moving contact to twice a year is not an option because of our history of seeing each other weekly.
So I am walking down the street and out of the blue I run into this previously very close old friend I used the passive aggressive approach to end contact. What do I say now?
Last edited by I'm Retired Now; 03-06-2014 at 07:24 AM..
Do you have people who you were once very close to that that are no longer friends? Maybe you changed and no longer had much in common. Or you had a serious falling out with. Or your career and lifestyle changed and you just don't hang out with people like that anymore.
I have had some friends I was very- very- very close to for the longest times but we changed and I came home from engagements with them and thought that the there was just not much left to talk about. They started to bore and frustrate me. We had just became too different. (They might feel the same about me but they did not say that verbally)
But unlike lovers, it seems like society tells us we have to use a passive aggressive approach to ending unsatisfying friendships. (Such as slow to return phone or text messages, saying we were busy (when we really aren't), acting bored, not giving positive reinforcement, etc. hoping that will send the message that the friendship is over. Usually we just stop seeing each other socially and nothing is said.
So I am walking down the street and out of the blue I run into this previously very close old friend I used the passive aggressive approach to end contact. What do I say now?
Ah. Now I see how/why people end friendships with me.
I mean, I have had some problems with some of my friends over the years, but I try not to end friendships. In fact, recently, most people are the ones to end friendships with me, like you said usually by ignoring/falling of the face of the Earth for no apparent reason.
I really don't see the point in that. When you get older, people are so busy anyway. I rarely even see my close friends anymore. So, hanging out with a friend twice or three times a year is pretty normal. I don't see the point in cutting off that friendship unless that person is truly unbearable.
Do you have people who you were once very close to that that are no longer friends? Maybe you changed and no longer had much in common. Or you had a serious falling out with. Or your career and lifestyle changed and you just don't hang out with people like that anymore.
I have had some friends I was very- very- very close to for the longest times but we changed and I came home from engagements with them and thought that the there was just not much left to talk about. They started to bore and frustrate me. We had just became too different. (They might feel the same about me but they did not say that verbally)
But unlike lovers, it seems like society tells us we have to use a passive aggressive approach to ending unsatisfying friendships. (Such as slow to return phone or text messages, saying we were busy (when we really aren't), acting bored, not giving positive reinforcement, etc. hoping that will send the message that the friendship is over. Usually we just stop seeing each other socially and nothing is said. I hate the passive aggressive approach and moving contact to twice a year is not an option because of our history of seeing each other weekly.
So I am walking down the street and out of the blue I run into this previously very close old friend I used the passive aggressive approach to end contact. What do I say now?
It's simple. Just say this:
"Hey! How's it going? Long time no see! How the heck are ya? Hope you have been well. So, what's new?"
Chances are you still give a flip about their overall well being--right?
So, why not be polite and show this 'leftover' caring.
Then, feel free (and happy) to move on. No harm. No foul.
Last edited by picklejuice; 03-06-2014 at 10:01 AM..
I'm doing this now. We started seeing each other in the halls at work. We're trying to reconnect again -- it's hard tho. The trust level isn't there yet. I've grown and know some was my fault.
I ran into an old friend at the mall once. We were very close in elementary/high school but lost touch after college. She was with another friend, who I am not a fan of (and one of the reasons we don't really talk to each other as much). We stood & talked for at least half an hour, catching up, talking about our lives, work, relationships, etc. She & I made lunch plans & met up for lunch one day. We haven't spoken to each other since. Kinda weird, but...it happens.
I ran into an old friend at the mall once. We were very close in elementary/high school but lost touch after college. She was with another friend, who I am not a fan of (and one of the reasons we don't really talk to each other as much). We stood & talked for at least half an hour, catching up, talking about our lives, work, relationships, etc. She & I made lunch plans & met up for lunch one day. We haven't spoken to each other since. Kinda weird, but...it happens.
So you saw the person for lunch, what was it about him or her that made you decide that the friendship would not be renewed? Was it unspoken or did you actually decide verbally that the magic was gone?
So you saw the person for lunch, what was it about him or her that made you decide that the friendship would not be renewed? Was it unspoken or did you actually decide verbally that the magic was gone?
It's just how it's always been with her...we said we would make future plans, but neither of us ever did. I did see her (just remembering now) a couple of months later at a bridal shower, and she, the bride, & I said we would get together for dinner, and it never happened. It's one of the reasons we don't really see each other anymore, lots of 'plans' that never really get made.
I ended a friendship that was about 7 years old. We met working together, but stayed friends after (e-mails, met for dinner, etc).
I got tired of some things that were going on with her, so I ended the friendship. No contact for a couple of years.
Then bumped into her at the mall one day, seemed we were both happy to see each other, got lunch and caught up.
That was about 7 years ago, we are still friends, but mainly on FB, a few e-mails & jokes. That works for us and keeps things friendlier.
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