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Practical is best. While it was a nice thought when friends got me teddy bears and such when I was going through late stage cancer, I had to toss the flowers and plants (not good for supressed immune systems) and really just needed my apartment cleaned and healthy meals that were appetizing and could be thrown in the microwave.
Maybe start a college fund for the new grandchild? Or something else financial that helps either your sister or her family in a time when the last thing they should worry about is money.
I am so sorry. If you have a sense of a timeline and you know she has more than a few weeks, give her a few days. Lots of people react to horrible news by shutting down. You've got to let them.
I think just for now, if you think your BIL is willing to talk (not information about her condition specifically), just ask what you can do for now, if anything. Ask if it would be ok to send her a note letting you know you understand that she doesn't want to talk right now, but that you're there for when she wants to.
She just wants to process it with her immediate family for now. She tends to shut herself off when she's going through difficult times. .
I do the same thing. There is really nothing you can do until she is ready. I would just text her back and tell her what you said here, that you are devastated and you are available when she is ready to talk or see you or if she needs anything.
Would you be able to get your brother in law's cell phone number from your niece?
I am extremely sorry. Several others have brought up very good suggestions. If, as I suspect, she is worried for her kids, I especially think the college fund might be very meaningful to her.
My sister was just diagnosed with late stage breast cancer that had already spread to her spine, liver, and all through her body. She notified us via text saying she doesn't want to talk to anyone. I'm heartbroken.
I want to do something for her. But what? Flowers seem so petty. I thought about a vacation for her and her husband, but her daughter is 7 months pregnant so I'm sure she won't want to leave town. Does anyone have any ideas?
When my mother was dying of cancer, this sister bought our mother a hot air balloon ride because my mother always wanted to fly like a bird. I can't think of anything that my sister ever wanted like that.
I am so so sorry. I would be devastated if the same happened to my sister. Talk to her husband - I'm sure he can give you some ideas for you. But it's going to take her some time. I know if it were me...in her place, I would be even worse. I would probably leave town and not tell anyone where I was going, to be completely alone for awhile. There are many of us that prefer to deal with things like this on our own first.
Prayers for you and your family.
When my Mother says she does not want to talk to anyone I go over and sit there with her.
I don't say anything just sit for however long it takes.
Sometimes we don't talk at all and other times she talks.
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