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I have quite a few gay friends of all ages. Most of them didn't have to tell me. I just figured it out. A couple of them did "break the news" and I just said, "I figured you were. Whether you are or aren't doesn't change how I feel about our friendship." That statement seemed to do the trick. And in every case it helped us be closer friends that we were — I guess because a kind of barrier was removed for them.
I don't think people being attracted to the same gender is any weirder than some of the opposite-sex people my heterosexual friends hook up with. Some of those relationships are far more baffling to me than a person falling in love with someone of the same sex.
I cannot imagine such a thing happening, but if it did I would take it very seriously indeed. I would expect that all of us (his close friends) would respectfully acknowledge it. And hopefully, we would offer to be there for him for support.
I do not even begin to respect those who blow if off as "nothing" or sweep it under the rug. It is not "nothing" to him. There would be a reason this person came to his friends with this kind of statement, and he should be respected for being honest.
I would like to know the best way you think you should go forward (with this hypothetical scenario), even if you don't agree with me.
"Honor" them? Why?
I couldn't care less what kind of sexual fetish someone is into. Them "coming out" about what "trips their trigger" or "turns them on" sexually is no reason to honor them...even if what they are into isn't very common in the overall population.
I never could figure out why homosexuals think their particular sexual fetish should be any more "noted" or "recognized" than those that are sexually turned on by pain, humiliation, bondage, orgies/group sex, or any other thing outside of the basic mammalian innate drive for procreative sex to carry on the species.
Other than the natural drive to breed and continue the human race, nothing else in innate...EVERYTHING else sexual is for physical and mental pleasure only. The mental aspect is solely based upon personal headtrips and desires as to what one is "into". The physical aspect is merely friction stimulating nerves in the body, and if a man was blindfolded he wouldn't know the difference between a woman, a man, or even an animal...the physical reaction would be the same.
I personally don't care what anyone is into...as long as it all between adults and everyone is consenting. I neither "honor" them or "dishonor" them for it. To each their own, I say.
The only reason one may offer "support"...is because they know that some fetishes are widely viewed as moral wrongdoing by a large portion of the population...resulting in potential difficulties from those that are biased and prejudice...once the person "comes out" about what they are into.
To let them know you will "back them up" and "stand by them" if anyone were to wrongly judge them or criticize is certainly cool...and would be expected of ones friends and relatives.
So...though you may not "even begin to respect" me for "blowing it off as *nothing*"...even though the person might have deluded themselves into thinking their sexual proclivities warranted some kind of "special notation or consideration"...that won't change my view.
Because, ones particular sexual desires/motivations really are "nothing" of any note. Nothing anyone is "into" is anything new...it's really "no big deal"...let alone deserving of "honor".
"Honor" them? Why?
I never could figure out why homosexuals think their particular sexual fetish should be any more "noted" or "recognized" than those that are sexually turned on by pain, humiliation, bondage, orgies/group sex, or any other thing outside of the basic mammalian innate drive for procreative sex to carry on the species.
A little wordy, let's see if we can fix that for ya:
Quote:
I never could figure out why … anyone has sex other than … to carry on the species.
eta: orgies/group sex would seem a particularly efficient way to carry on the species, certainly more so than a monogamous missionary position approach..
Last edited by biscuitmom; 03-16-2014 at 10:51 PM..
I cannot imagine such a thing happening, but if it did I would take it very seriously indeed. I would expect that all of us (his close friends) would respectfully acknowledge it. And hopefully, we would offer to be there for him for support.
I do not even begin to respect those who blow if off as "nothing" or sweep it under the rug. It is not "nothing" to him. There would be a reason this person came to his friends with this kind of statement, and he should be respected for being honest.
I would like to know the best way you think you should go forward (with this hypothetical scenario), even if you don't agree with me.
Y'don't find good friends on every street corner, so if one of yours isn't mainstream and potentially the object of bigotry, hatred, and all other kinds of nastiness - he or she will need your support. It isn't our job to judge each other, it's to love one another. Why wouldn't you support your friend? You don't have to understand, agree with, or sleep with a friend who is a homosexual, so what's the problem?
We're not talking about a pedophile here, we're simply talking about someone who was born with the wrong equipment!
When an acquaintance of mine came out to me. I asked how many f***s I give. He didn't know but I told him that the answer was zero. That is his business and none of my concern. He preferred that than people throwing a party for him and treating him special just because he is gay.
I cannot imagine such a thing happening, but if it did I would take it very seriously indeed. I would expect that all of us (his close friends) would respectfully acknowledge it. And hopefully, we would offer to be there for him for support.
I do not even begin to respect those who blow if off as "nothing" or sweep it under the rug. It is not "nothing" to him. There would be a reason this person came to his friends with this kind of statement, and he should be respected for being honest.
I would like to know the best way you think you should go forward (with this hypothetical scenario), even if you don't agree with me.
Well, for me ~ regarding friends ~ not a single one of them "out came" with a surprise reaction from me, because I already had strong suspicions that they were gay.
Now, I admit to feeling some surprise when my niece told me that she came out of "the closet" but it didn't take me long to understand it. She spent most of her adult life in and out of a women's prison, so I'm sure it was a matter of adapting. Today she claims to bisexual.
You were good friends before you found out, so apparently you share some common ground and trust If they don't make "surprise moves" on you then consider that they respected your friendship to not compromise it.
As a closeted case, I don't think we should celebrate a person's coming out experience. The only 'coming out' that is fit for celebrating is his birth.
I watch Youtube videos and cringe at phony reactions from parents & friends of the person (the fake & cliched, "oh I'm so happy for you", "I still love you", "I will support you", and when they cry...*cringe*) - They make it a big deal. I mean, there's more to us than being gay. We are people with hopes, ambitions, dreams...why can't we celebrate those?
Oh, reacting like "uh so?" or "I don't give a f**ck" is extremely rude. I'm not saying we should retort to that behaviour.
Btw, if I come out it will be a WW III. I would lose relatives and even friends. The whole gay thing is a taboo in our culture.
People either celebrate your sexuality or shun it.
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