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Most of my friendships are what I consider one-way friendships. An OWF (in my personal dictionary) is when you're the one that always calls to see how they are doing, you're the one who remembers little events that they are working on (i.e. a diet, moving, a new dog, etc.).
I only have 3 friends who make an effort to contact me. I gave everyone the opportunity to send me a "Merry Christmas" text and as I expected, very few said anything. I actually had one person say, "How come you don't call me anymore?" I got very annoyed and said, "Did you know the phone works both ways? You can pick it up and call me, too!" I rather not try hard anymore because it seems as if I'm bothering them.
Care to share your experience with one-way friendships?
Agree. But friendship does not mean keeping score either. Honestly, I have friends who never ask about details of my life, but we still care about each other and enjoy our time together. Others want to catch up frequently, and that's ok too. They are each individuals with different lives and priorities. I don't rank them based on how attentive they are to me.
I don't have any either. When I sense that a two way friendship is drifting towards one way, I make some effort to prevent that, (has her life changed? Has mine? Do we no longer meet each other's needs? What can I do differently?) but once it slides, I let it go. Why try to push someone into maintaining a friendship with me that she has outgrown?
I'm basically an introvert, and I don't need to have a lot of friends. Just a handful is good for me.
I met this friend about 5 years ago, she was the friend of the owner of a coffee shop I would frequent. So we always chatted when I was there, became friends. The coffee shop closed, I was always the one to call, we met for lunch about once every 3 months, something got weird and there was no communication from her, her eyes were down, I kept trying to initiate conversation of things we had in common, nothing, nada.
So I didn't hear from her for months, I always called and left a VM. FYI< I knew she was bipolar so I expected down times, but this went on for a very long time.
I get a call, out of the blue and she wants to meet, she came to my house, first time, she had lost over 100 lbs, she had been hospitalized for Xanax overdose. She told me how grateful she was that I didn't give up on her, she seemed to be getting rid of some of her demons and stuff that happened to her, via a new psychiatrist, this info was relayed over the summer as she came over about 5 times, I really felt a 2 way relationship.
Then she got sick, didn't know what it was, finally had her gallbladder removed, I wanted to see her immediately, that's what friends do, it was an easy surgery and she was home the next day. It was her birthday, the flowers wilted before I had "permission" to go see her, she lives with her Mom and her Mom called me, not my friend to say she wasn't feeling well.
I finally went over there, gave her a present and a nice short visit.
Now-nothing. She got another medical discovery, 2 huge stomach ulcers. I continued to call, she never answered. Once in a while since October she has called me back. I know she is driving, feeling better yada yada, but I feel it's just gone.
Sunday I get a call saying she had issues with me, that I was mad that her Mom called me in November, I had already told my friend that I was dissapointed, that I just wanted to hear her voice. She doesn't have a computer and doesn't text and doesn't like the phone, well that's are only means of communication.
I have alot of experience in this matter! I have had a life full of these one way friendships. I let it go on because I was lonely. I told myself that it was OK, I would just continue to plan things thinking I was just going to do what made me happy and it was alright. THEN, my mom died and I had a huge falling out with a sister who had been mentally abusive to me. I had nowhere to turn- I had all 'fake' friends, one-way relationships that didn't want to bother. I reached out for help in so many ways- old high school b/f, cousins from way back, I was desperately falling and spiralling out of control. Not even the church members came forward to my aid. Deep depression followed. It has been 2.5 years, I have develope one real friend since and am going to a depression support group where I've met a couple of hopefuls.
My point- if you have one way relationships now, they probably will be like that at your time in need. I would suggest whittling them out and developing healthy friendships who will be there when you need them. You have already made the first step- admitting it. I remember years ago thinking-figuratively, if I died or disappeared, how long before someone noticed? Deep down I knew the answer but I chose to ignore it because it was too painful. But it was far worse having to deal with it after Mom died and I really needed a friend.
I have a friend who I only talk to when she calls, I don't seek her out. The reason is that while my schedule is very open, hers is very busy between school, taking care of her little boy, taking care of her disabled father, work, etc. So she calls me when she has time. I guess you could call that a one way friendship, but I think of it as being considerate to her.
This has happened to me a few times. It used to upset me but I've learned to downgrade those people to the level of acquaintance. No hard feelings on my part but if you're always calling me to cry on my shoulder/ask for help but are no where around/don't want to hear my sob stories when it's my turn to be down then you aren't my friend.
I have had many one way friendships through the years. They were incredibly outgoing, charismatic and conversational people who had just tons of friends. When I was with them I felt like a million dollars, they gave me status and our conversations were so interesting and exciting. But because of their charisma they were being pushed by their other friends to spend time with them so I only got to see them only occasionally.
I had a one way friend ... once. It was always what I could do for her.
One day I just stopped doing. Never heard from her again.
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