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If she does throw the party, then she's trying to mend the relationship and take this as a positive sign for the future. Enjoy the company and just have fun with her for a few hours and push out any negative thoughts.
If she doesn't throw a party, then so what.
So you are good either way.
Just don't turn her down or be negative if she tries to extend well wishes however she might do it. If she doesn't throw a party, don't push her away in the future because your feelings got hurt over this. Maybe she just sends a card. Maybe she forgets your birthday altogether.
Just make the decision that 'this isn't going to bother me no matter what'. And then it won't.
Why are you bothering of thinking about this in such a negative way. Plan what you want to do for your birthday. It sounds like you are setting yourself up for lose/lose. It doesn't matter what your mother-in-law does or doesn't do. Are you a victim?
This could be part of it.
Sometimes people constantly manufacture controversial situations in their minds. It keeps that other person in the "bad guy" role, and helps them feel better as a perpetual victim.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 01-02-2014 at 09:02 PM..
Reason: typo
My mother in law has thrown a 40th birthday party for everyone in the family so far. Well, my 40th is one month away. Right now, my husband and her are not getting along. I am expecting to be left out of this tradition. It is NOT that I want a birthday party. It is about the fact that I would be getting treated differently. We have always had a rocky relationship and when we moved 7 yrs ago due to family issues, she sent birthday cards and money to my husband and our children, but not me. I have never felt welcomed into to the family. My mom and her worked together when I started dating my husband and our mom's despised each other. I was a stay at home wife/mom, she disapproved. Then my sisters-in -law did the same and it was ok. We were bashed by the family for trying to buy the family farm for too low of a price they said, but now my b-i-l bought it for the same price and its ok. Get the point?? Its about how we are treated by them. I know it is a month away yet, I'm not gonna jump the gun and get upset right now. It just came to mind today and I'm wondering what other people would feel/do in that situation.
Why would be be upset when you don't get along anyway?
That is your issue and a waste of your time and energy voluntarily if you do get upset over something that you know is probably not going to happen.
Besides if you are treated as badly as you state why in the world would you want to spend even more time with them or even expect to be part of the "tradition"?
I don't get the problem -- are you asking if you SHOULD get upset?
What an odd question. Either you are or you aren't. You don't get along with your MIL, that's clear. Why on earth would you expect her to change now and suddenly throw you a party? Why would you WANT her to throw you a party, when you obviously don't care to be around her much, and feel that the family doesn't really respect you, anyway?
How SHOULD you feel? If I were you, I'd be planning my own small birthday party with friends I cared about and who cared about me. Or you and your husband could be planning a trip away for a fun weekend. Or so many other things . . . but wondering if I should be mad at an MIL for doing exactly what I expect her to do? Not even in the top 100 of things to worry about.
I understand your frustration and resentment. It is impossible for you to control your MIL. She will never be able to control you.
Let your resentment go. Once you realize that she will not ever treat you the way you deserve, you can accept that. Yes, it stings and hurts, but you need to overcome it.
You will be happier and have a more peaceful life.
She is not a nice and kind person, and take comfort in the fact that you are.
Op, if I were you, i wouldn't be holding my breath about that party. Don't sound like you will be getting that from her. I agree with some of the other posters here, you and your husband plan something for just the two of you or get out of town for your birthday. Don't give her the opportunity to ruin your day, just go ahead and make other plans.
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