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Maybe next year you could think about splitting your holiday vacation time -- 2 days w/family, then off to ski? That way you get both personal time as well as some family time -- which I sense you can deal with, up to a point (some people just don't gel with young kids running around, I get it), and you can continue making family memories, and it sounds like a part of you really does want to be in both places.
I'm not sure why some people put so much emphasis on Christmas but not on everyday family moments. I'm sure your mom loves having you for Sunday lunch and birthdays and such, and maybe they are more personal moments, less craziness in the house!
(And not that you asked for anyone's opinion on this, but do you think your mom asks about your girlfriend because she's just eager to see that you're happily settled down with someone? For a lot of moms, they are anxious about that sort of thing -- and once the son or daughter gets married, the moms feel they can finally relax. Until they start mentioning the word "grandchild"!)
The problem is that she tries to meddle into my personal life and says I can bring my girlfriend, which makes me uncomfortable.
While I enjoy my holidays in the snow, I'm afraid to regret not spending Christmas with her one day after she's gone.
So your Mother telling you that your girlfriend is welcome is meddling?
Why? Do you have a boyfriend and haven't told anyone?
Anyone you decide to settle down with should at some point meet your family, you make it sound like you are ashamed of them and to go to a ski resort every Christmas is just downright selfish in my opinion.
Since I was 30 I go skiing to Switzerland or Austria around Christmas. I always spend Christmas Day away from my family. I previously send the gifts to everyone (parents, brothers and nephews) and wish them Merry Christmas before I depart.
However, my mother says she's always sad not to have me around together with the rest of the family and she says "she can come as well". She has this theory I keep a girlfriend and don't want to bring her around. She seriously doesn't believe I go skiing on my own.
I actually missed them this Christmas (I just arrived back home) but the family gathering can be very draining, especially with kids around.
Hiowever, I keep thinking if I shouldn't fulfill my mother's wish because one day I won't have her anymore.
It's tradition for many families for everyone to be there together for the holidays. It's actually a very nice tradition for those who can keep it going.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FriedAzzro
The problem is that she tries to meddle into my personal life and says I can bring my girlfriend, which makes me uncomfortable.
While I enjoy my holidays in the snow, I'm afraid to regret not spending Christmas with her one day after she's gone.
As long as you are spending time with her on plenty of other occasions you should not feel bad about not spending one very stupid holiday with her. I just spent my second Christmas in a row away from my mother and the world didn't end.
fred, your mother is being the mouthpiece for the family...its just not her...and yes, holidays are the one time of the year many families come together
look at it this way,,,take the last 5 years, if evey year you went skiing. then next year you can still go skiing but just not at xmas time,,join your family,,,
about the girlfriend thing,,,stop wasting time about it,,not a big deal,,
the fact that you have already considered your mother wont be around forever,,is telling you to do this,,and yes,,you will feel very bad if something happened to her..
sometimes,,life isnt ALL ABOUT YOU,,, because no matter what you think of others or the gatherings,,,many there would like to see you.
besides its only a day or two,,99% of the yr you are deciding your time,,,whats 1% to give to your family..
I'd say visit the family because that's what your heart/conscience/gut is telling you to do.
If you can afford to ski, could you afford a local hotel room? Explain to your mom, privately, that the kids drive you nuts and you need a place to escape them. Time your actual visits, if possible, to a bit before their bedtime.
If you can afford to ski, could you afford a local hotel room? Explain to your mom, privately, that the kids drive you nuts and you need a place to escape them. Time your actual visits, if possible, to a bit before their bedtime.
Oh if I had Christmas dinner with my family, I would come home at night. Even though we live in a very large city, it's a 10 minute drive, I don't have to stay there overnight.
(And not that you asked for anyone's opinion on this, but do you think your mom asks about your girlfriend because she's just eager to see that you're happily settled down with someone? For a lot of moms, they are anxious about that sort of thing -- and once the son or daughter gets married, the moms feel they can finally relax. Until they start mentioning the word "grandchild"!)
Oh yes, she would love it if I married. I thought that being the youngest would spare me of that but it doesn't seem like it. Especially when my older brothers are in civil unions and have children, I thought that would keep her satisfied.
She says I have no one to take care of me - as if I needed a woman to take care of me!
Since I was 30 I go skiing to Switzerland or Austria around Christmas. I always spend Christmas Day away from my family. I previously send the gifts to everyone (parents, brothers and nephews) and wish them Merry Christmas before I depart.
However, my mother says she's always sad not to have me around together with the rest of the family and she says "she can come as well". She has this theory I keep a girlfriend and don't want to bring her around. She seriously doesn't believe I go skiing on my own.
I actually missed them this Christmas (I just arrived back home) but the family gathering can be very draining, especially with kids around.
Hiowever, I keep thinking if I shouldn't fulfill my mother's wish because one day I won't have her anymore.
Your right, and if I sound a bit angry, I am, not at you but at my own family....as they have become so self imposed and have forgotten about others and feelings.
Your mother isn't always going to be here and the longer we are alone, the more selfish we become. My sisters and brother never had any children, so it is even worse....they don't have a clue as to anyone elses feelings but their own. They please themselves at the cost of others....
I think Christmas is one time when family could put they're own selfish wants and desires aside and do for others....
My mom, left them get away with this for years, she never liked to discipline, and what you get is very spoiled and selfish children.
So, I don't know if this falls into your catagory at all, just a little something to think about.
Remember, your life is yours, you are not in this world to seek the approval of others, however, there are in fact times, when you have to put your feelings aside and accomodate others....just because.
Maybe every other year, but once your mother is gone, there is no turning back.
I mean, you could be there Christmas Day and leave to go away right afterwards. No?
I'm not avoiding contact, I just have this habit of going to a ski resort around this time. Besides, my brothers have kids and the respective partners, so I'm a bit out of place. My nephews make plenty of noise as well.
It sounds like you made this a "habit" because you want to avoid your nephews, and because you feel out of place not having a partner. It isn't "just" a habit. You do it on purpose, for a reason.
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