Christmas gift for step children in the family, how do you guys do it? (jealous, girlfriend)
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So this is the time of the year again.
well, I have three nephews. They all belong to my brother and sister. I also have two step nephews (they belong to my sister in law)
Each year, when I gave out Christmas gift, I always tried to be careful because I don't want any of these kids feeling left out.
This year, however, I want to do something very special for my little nephew because his father (aka my own brother) is in the hospital. I want to take my nephew to Las Vegas with me and I have already gotten permission from my sister in law. Problem is that her two sons from her previous marriage also want to go with me. My sister in law wants me to take these two kids as well.
I really don't want to take these two other kids because I want to spend some special aunt nephew time ALONE with my nephew. I feel like such a bad person.
What would you do if you were me? Will you take these two kids? My sister in law is going through a lot of stress lately, my guess is that she doesn't want to deal with children this Christmas which is totally understandable. What am I suppose do at this point? Need some advice. Thanks
Also, is it okay to spend a little bit more money on my nephew this year? Do you think my sister in law would be upset at me for neglecting her kids from previous marriage?
How old are they and what's your energy level - ? A lot depends on that. How long a trip is it from your home, flying or driving - ? I think it's very generous of you to take your nephew to LV and I can understand your hesitation w/ the other 2 - it might be different if there was just 1 other, there might be more hurt feelings, but 2 more can be a lot. Maybe you can take the other 2 boys out to eat or spend the day w/ them (or all 3) locally - ? Again it depends on their ages, hopefully their mother will understand. Please dont feel like a bad person, I can understand that you feel in the middle though.
I just re-read that there's also 3 others, it definitely does get complicated. A lot depends on the kid's ages etc - would prob. try to make the individual presents fairly equal but it's hard. Maybe they'd enjoy a video game they can all play together and some smaller items - ??
I hope your brother feels better soon and things get back to normal, it has to be hard on everyone but it sounds like you're all close and live near each other so that should help
I wouldn't take just the one. Kids are kids - and it's not right to exclude.
The biological nephew's dad is in the hospital. I'm sure it is rough on him. Lily take the nephew and you know you should do it knowing my stance on children. Less time and money for you to spend. What you should also do is not let the cat out of the bag next time. The sister in law is trying to use you to offload all 3 so she can relax. Not cool on her part.
At the end of the day, life isn't equal. You shouldn't always have to make more space for the stepchildren. Heck my aunt and uncle didn't make extra space for me when I was a kid nor should they have had to (my parents died when I was 7 months and I was raised by my aunt and uncle). It's not fair on the biological that he has to compromise just for his half-siblings. Plus you get gifts for all of them so yeah they will be disappointed but you should be able to spend some alone time with him when the opportunity presents itself.
The biological nephew's dad is in the hospital. I'm sure it is rough on him. Lily take the nephew and you know you should do it knowing my stance on children. Less time and money for you to spend. What you should also do is not let the cat out of the bag next time. The sister in law is trying to use you to offload all 3 so she can relax. Not cool on her part.
At the end of the day, life isn't equal. You shouldn't always have to make more space for the stepchildren. Heck my aunt and uncle didn't make extra space for me when I was a kid nor should they have had to (my parents died when I was 7 months and I was raised by my aunt and uncle). It's not fair on the biological that he has to compromise just for his half-siblings. Plus you get gifts for all of them so yeah they will be disappointed but you should be able to spend some alone time with him when the opportunity presents itself.
I agree with you yellow jacket especially the part where you posted "life isn't equal."
I don't have the aunt and nephew bond with my sister in law's kids and why should i pretend that I do? Plus, not like they really view me as their aunt, if you know what I am saying. geeze
I appreciate your wise words.
I guess we never know what grief other people carry around. I am so sorry that your mom and dad passed away when you were so young.
I agree with you yellow jacket especially the part where you posted "life isn't equal."
I don't have the aunt and nephew bond with my sister in law's kids and why should i pretend that I do? Plus, not like they really view me as their aunt, if you know what I am saying. geeze
I appreciate your wise words.
I guess we never know what grief other people carry around. I am so sorry that your mom and dad passed away when you were so young.
((( Hugs ))) Take care you!
Thanks but I don't carry grief around from their death. Sure I didn't understand some things til later but there wasn't any sorrow. I don't have any love or hate for them. My parents are my parents nothing more or less. I was 7 months and I don't even remember them. Don't be sorry that my parents are dead. Everyone dies at some point. Life happens. Life isn't equal nor is it fair. Feel sorry for the people who get a bad hand and can't play it properly.
You shouldn't pretend anything. You don't have the bond with them and that's ok. It's worse if you try to fake it. I always respected my aunt and uncle for be honest with their feelings. They didn't like me and they probably hated me. They never tried to act like they care. People can tell if someone is disingenuous.
Thanks but I don't carry grief around from their death. Sure I didn't understand some things til later but there wasn't any sorrow. I don't have any love or hate for them. My parents are my parents nothing more or less. I was 7 months and I don't even remember them. Don't be sorry that my parents are dead. Everyone dies at some point. Life happens. Life isn't equal nor is it fair. Feel sorry for the people who get a bad hand and can't play it properly.
You shouldn't pretend anything. You don't have the bond with them and that's ok. It's worse if you try to fake it. I always respected my aunt and uncle for be honest with their feelings. They didn't like me and they probably hated me. They never tried to act like they care. People can tell if someone is disingenuous.
Yeah, i have to admit that i like your attitude. I can't stand fake people, have no tolerance for them these days.
I love my sister in law though, so I kind of have to do things to make her happy. Plus, she is taking care of my brother. I am really trying to make everybody happy here without driving myself crazy.
Anyway, I hope you and your girlfriend have a wonderful holiday this year. she sounds like a keeper and I am glad she is trying to understand you.
Kids are sensitive but your nephew Needs support knowing his dad is in the hospital can not be easy on him go ahead take just him and explain to the other kids you will make it up to them they will understand May be for march break you could all go somewhere together god bless have a great time in Las Vegas I am dirt poor and have always wanted to go there but don't think I ever will I will never be able to afford it I am currently on disability but it is less than all the bills I owe
What you have to remember is that those might not be your brother's kids and not your blood relatives, but they're the brothers of your nephew. When you have more than one kid, they can be pretty jealous when one gets a present and the others don't. That leaves the parents trying to even things out, sometimes that isn't possible. What is your SIL supposed to do, take the other two kids on a trip so that life's fair, and leave your brother alone in the hospital? And no, things don't always have to be even and fair, but why teach kids at a young age that life sucks? As the mom, I would have to say it was an all or nothing deal.
Depending on the ages of the other two boys, they might not even remember their bio dad and think of your brother as their dad. That would make it even harder for them to understand why their little brother got to go on a trip with you and they were excluded.
Still, I can't think of anything worse than a trip with three children who weren't mine. Why don't you get them a video game console (something they can all do together) and take yourself to Vegas? Or take all three kids to Disneyland for the day.
Silly question, has Las Vegas become a fun place for kids? When I was a kid, it was always "that horrible place where we get stuck in the car for six hours while our parents are inside gambling" in the middle of our trip to CA to see the grandparents.
Yeah, i have to admit that i like your attitude. I can't stand fake people, have no tolerance for them these days.
I love my sister in law though, so I kind of have to do things to make her happy. Plus, she is taking care of my brother. I am really trying to make everybody happy here without driving myself crazy.
Anyway, I hope you and your girlfriend have a wonderful holiday this year. she sounds like a keeper and I am glad she is trying to understand you.
Hope everything works out for you. Take care you!
Same to you but don't take the children. Take your bio nephew and explain the situation. Don't let the mom pull an all or nothing stunt. How would the bio nephew feel? You'll get a nice gift for their brothers later. It doesn't matter if they consider your brother their dad. You haven't had the chance to spend time with him individually. They should let you do it and then you can not take anyone anywhere anymore because you know you will have to pay for all 3.
"I would have taken you on an awesome trip to Las Vegas!"
"However, your mom said you couldn't go without your brothers because we need to be fair."
"Yet they always tell you that life ain't fair. "
At the end of the day, if she does draw the line in the sand for all or nothing then don't take anyone. She will have just shot herself in the foot with dealing with 3 kids now when she could have been relieved of one. You also keep a little change in your pocket.
Last edited by Yellow Jacket; 11-24-2013 at 06:40 AM..
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