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Old 09-12-2013, 07:31 PM
 
2,087 posts, read 2,848,824 times
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I've always been an introverted person. You could also argue that I'm an extroverted person who is not particularly charismatic or good with people, but regardless, the results are the same.

I feel like introverted people just have worse lives. We suffer more in dating because we have less of a chance to meet somebody, rejections hurt more, and we invest more in people than they invest in us. I feel we are don't do as well in careers because we don't have much of a connection to management and fail to keep contacts when we leave jobs. Our friendship circle is lesser and we are generally lonelier, and we get sensitive if friends let us down. At least that's the way I feel right now.

Anyway, I've decided to try harder to be more social. Contact old friends and try and keep in touch though it seems NOBODY tries to keep in touch with me. Do meetups. Try some other things.

But I'm wondering what people's general thoughts are on this.
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Old 09-12-2013, 09:29 PM
 
4,273 posts, read 15,251,717 times
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I think you can be an introvert and still be successful and happy. I think I'm hands down an introvert. I kind of just slowly became this way but was much more outgoing in college and before. Maybe I just tried more but now that I'm married and have a family, my social unit is my family. Kind of sad, I know but I don't think I'm very good at making friends.

My husband is somewhere in the middle. I think he's more outgoing than me though. We definitely do things more with people b'c of him. I really don't have my "own" friends anymore (except from school who with the exception of one person are mainly just acquaintances now) which I wish I could change but I am an introvert after all.

I agree with you to an extent but all it means is we introverts just have to try harder. It's a chore to socialize but it is good for our soul. I hope you are able to come out of your shell, even if it's just for a little while. I need to come out of mine, too.

Here is an article I recently read on signs that you may be an introvert. 23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert.
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Old 09-12-2013, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
1,588 posts, read 2,531,261 times
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You have to strike a balance, I have always been successful because I can talk to the nerds (I have a B.S. in Mech Eng) or the 'real men' (I was in the military, where I learned to love Football, Guns and Harley's) I have always been on that line between sanguine and melancholy. I was a guitarist and drummer in high school and that always gave me this inkling that if I practiced being likeable, and got over being shy around women, that I would one day attain my goal.

My suggestion try some new things. Learn to ride a Harley, I have made some amazing connections through Motorcycle clubs. Play in some adult sport leagues, I just did WAKA kickball (requires no skill, some athleticism though) for adults and that was seriously fun and I met a lot of good people.

Introverts don't have worse lives. I have know quite a few extroverts who have mouthed off to the wrong person at work or punched some dude "keeping it real" at a bar and ended up in the drunk tank or in trouble with the law. Some extroverts are like bulls in china shops and eventually alienate themselves through their idiotic behavior, even as adults.
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Old 09-13-2013, 05:42 AM
 
Location: Funkotron, MA
1,203 posts, read 4,081,522 times
Reputation: 1821
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99 View Post
I've always been an introverted person. You could also argue that I'm an extroverted person who is not particularly charismatic or good with people, but regardless, the results are the same.
There is a very big difference between the two and the results would not be the same.

An extroverted person wants and needs to be around people. An introverted person doesn't. If you're an extroverted person who is too shy to socialize and be around people, you're going to feel lonely or depressed. Those feelings won't be nearly as strong for an introverted person. They don't feel like they're missing out.
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Old 09-13-2013, 06:09 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 8,031,564 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raveabouttoast View Post
There is a very big difference between the two and the results would not be the same.

An extroverted person wants and needs to be around people. An introverted person doesn't. If you're an extroverted person who is too shy to socialize and be around people, you're going to feel lonely or depressed. Those feelings won't be nearly as strong for an introverted person. They don't feel like they're missing out.
I think the OP is an introvert with social anxieties attached. OP - a good therapist would help with that.

Probably because I'm settled in a harmonious relationship with a fellow introvert and a gaggle of adoring critters, have a long work history and am in a decent place financially, not having a whirling social life creates little angst. I'm quite satisfied to work, putter around at home, look after Spouse and the critters and generally have a quiet life, which is my 100% desire.

Probably when I was young, with a lot of goals ahead of me, being an introvert made things a bit harder, but I wouldn't describe introversion as a FAIL. You can still be a success, you just don't measure it against the world of extroverts.
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Old 09-13-2013, 06:59 AM
 
1,156 posts, read 2,380,837 times
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I think there are trade-offs to being either an introvert or extrovert. One thing that I have noticed about extroverts is that they get extremely lonely at times. They're just not too good with being alone with their own company, and that often causes them to make poor choices when it comes to friends and mates. (This is all anecdotal, of course). This, of course, leads to a lot of drama-drama-drama.

I do think that I would have been more ahead in my career if I had been an extrovert, and this does bother me at times. I don't like being the focus of attention, and to my mind, people who "summon the spotlight" generally tend to get promoted faster regardless of their skill set or if they're even qualified for the position. So that's the one instance when I think that being more extroverted would have behooved me.
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Old 09-13-2013, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,742 posts, read 34,376,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raveabouttoast View Post
There is a very big difference between the two and the results would not be the same.

An extroverted person wants and needs to be around people. An introverted person doesn't. If you're an extroverted person who is too shy to socialize and be around people, you're going to feel lonely or depressed. Those feelings won't be nearly as strong for an introverted person. They don't feel like they're missing out.
Yeah, it sounds like the OP is an extrovert who's shy or has social anxiety. He craves social interaction, but it terrifies him at the same time.

As an introvert, I'm often alone but I'm rarely lonely.
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Old 09-13-2013, 08:30 AM
 
Location: USA
1,589 posts, read 2,134,178 times
Reputation: 1678
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99 View Post
I've always been an introverted person. You could also argue that I'm an extroverted person who is not particularly charismatic or good with people, but regardless, the results are the same.

I feel like introverted people just have worse lives. We suffer more in dating because we have less of a chance to meet somebody, rejections hurt more, and we invest more in people than they invest in us. I feel we are don't do as well in careers because we don't have much of a connection to management and fail to keep contacts when we leave jobs. Our friendship circle is lesser and we are generally lonelier, and we get sensitive if friends let us down. At least that's the way I feel right now.

Anyway, I've decided to try harder to be more social. Contact old friends and try and keep in touch though it seems NOBODY tries to keep in touch with me. Do meetups. Try some other things.

But I'm wondering what people's general thoughts are on this.
People are a combination of genes and hormones and other chemicals. These combinations make them who they are. Some of these combinations produce introverts and some produce extroverts and other mixtures in-between. I think that the more balanced the combination of this stuff is, the more balanced the person is. And I think that introverts are - a combination which is somewhat off balance (imbalanced).

There is a happy or unhappy person by nature, without people or hobbies, all by themselves. But if you add people or hobbies to this person, this can affect his state of being, make him either happy or unhappy.

I think that naturally, as a person, without people or hobbies, the introverts are the sadder people, more unfulfilled, signifying the imbalance of chemicals in their body. But some are lucky enough to find things and people to make them happier.

An introvert sometimes means that the person has social anxiety. Which will cause unhappiness.

An introvert sometimes means that this person doesn't like most people, which means he/she can't find compatible people, which would give a feeling of being alone in this world, which is the cause for unhappiness.

(I believe that either first or second are the reasons why introverts have only few friends, I think that incompatible people drain a person's energy and compatible ones restore it)

An introvert is more analytical, introspective, too aware of what's going on around him - which usually will cause unhappiness (because I think it's true that "ignorance is bliss")

Introverts are the ones who could be responsible for inventions and smart thinking because that's what they mainly do. While extroverts float about having fun with others.
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Old 09-13-2013, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Funkotron, MA
1,203 posts, read 4,081,522 times
Reputation: 1821
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveWisdom View Post
People are a combination of genes and hormones and other chemicals. These combinations make them who they are. Some of these combinations produce introverts and some produce extroverts and other mixtures in-between. I think that the more balanced the combination of this stuff is, the more balanced the person is. And I think that introverts are - a combination which is somewhat off balance (imbalanced).

There is a happy or unhappy person by nature, without people or hobbies, all by themselves. But if you add people or hobbies to this person, this can affect his state of being, make him either happy or unhappy.

I think that naturally, as a person, without people or hobbies, the introverts are the sadder people, more unfulfilled, signifying the imbalance of chemicals in their body. But some are lucky enough to find things and people to make them happier.

An introvert sometimes means that the person has social anxiety. Which will cause unhappiness.

An introvert sometimes means that this person doesn't like most people, which means he/she can't find compatible people, which would give a feeling of being alone in this world, which is the cause for unhappiness.
No offense, but you have no clue what you're talking about. None of what you said is accurate.
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Old 09-13-2013, 10:12 AM
 
370 posts, read 654,273 times
Reputation: 460
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99 View Post
I've always been an introverted person. You could also argue that I'm an extroverted person who is not particularly charismatic or good with people, but regardless, the results are the same.

I feel like introverted people just have worse lives. We suffer more in dating because we have less of a chance to meet somebody, rejections hurt more, and we invest more in people than they invest in us. I feel we are don't do as well in careers because we don't have much of a connection to management and fail to keep contacts when we leave jobs. Our friendship circle is lesser and we are generally lonelier, and we get sensitive if friends let us down. At least that's the way I feel right now.

Anyway, I've decided to try harder to be more social. Contact old friends and try and keep in touch though it seems NOBODY tries to keep in touch with me. Do meetups. Try some other things.

But I'm wondering what people's general thoughts are on this.
I don't think you are only introverted. you probably have Social Anxiety. I noticed in America our culture makes it seem introverted is a bad thing. Which is a shame. America is such a type A country . I am very introverted but not shy and my partner is introverted and happens to be shy. We have great lives. He travels and plays in theaters and operas in Europe as a musician and teaches music. Music has taken him all over and built his confidence. I travel too, and ran my own art gallery for few years until recently and have always been comfortable around the opposite sex. So no being introverted doesn't mean shy or uncomfortable with people. My partner and I have had many social obligations (and still do because of our jobs)...it is tiresome for us because we prefer to be alone (with each other) but that doesn't mean we don't enjoy company of others. I do agree that introverts have less friends than extroverts, in our case that is true! Having few friends doesn't mean that no one likes me or I am socially weird. I just choose friends wisely.
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