Constant harassment from Aunt (issues, jealous, person, member)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Controlling people often uses gifts to control others and try to manipulate them. It's wise to decline such gifts when possible. But I know such observations are more for the future than the past. Would it be financially possible to pay her back or set up a schedule?
She might be furious about something that I am not aware of yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman
Why would she be "furious" furrypro?...and this idea of talking "openly and honestly" with her is never going to work if you're already thinking "maybe she will come out with the truth"...would you ever say that to her face"?
Let me have a consultation with her and I'll ask the important questions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by exscapegoat
Controlling people often uses gifts to control others and try to manipulate them. It's wise to decline such gifts when possible. But I know such observations are more for the future than the past. Would it be financially possible to pay her back or set up a schedule?
I confronted my Aunt about everything. She said that I don't owe anyone anything. Everything is a gift. It also turns out it wasn't even my Aunt who donated the money to me during college. It was my Grandmother (whom she lives with) who donated the money to me and Grandmother has remained outwardly peaceful and friendly. So this is all a huge surprise. Other than that she said the co-workers and bosses at her job were making her have very bad days and she couldn't talk because of how stressed out and tired she was. That was it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by exscapegoat
Controlling people often uses gifts to control others and try to manipulate them. It's wise to decline such gifts when possible. But I know such observations are more for the future than the past. Would it be financially possible to pay her back or set up a schedule?
I confronted my Aunt about everything. She said that I don't owe anyone anything. Everything is a gift. It also turns out it wasn't even my Aunt who donated the money to me during college. It was my Grandmother (whom she lives with) who donated the money to me and Grandmother has remained outwardly peaceful and friendly. So this is all a huge surprise. Other than that she said the co-workers and bosses at her job were making her have very bad days and she couldn't talk because of how stressed out and tired she was. That was it.
That sounds like a pretty happy ending.
I can see how it would be especially hard on her if her job was causing her so much grief to see something not even working -- so she was just taking crap out on you.
It's a happy surprise. But I still have to deal with her. I need to make sure that I talk to her on a day off because it's obvious that she turns psycho and paranoid under stress.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
That sounds like a pretty happy ending.
I can see how it would be especially hard on her if her job was causing her so much grief to see something not even working -- so she was just taking crap out on you.
I have been on the receiving end of constant harassment from a two-faced Aunt on the occassions that I speak and interact with her. I have been underemployed in the past, now unemployed, very stressed, and in the process of looking for better opportunities. I prefer not to talk too much about that: I prefer to bring up that the economy is the problem and I've already done everything I can do. She humors me and says flippantly "I know, I know". She knows these facts yet every time I talk with her she constantly demands in a hateful manner "Well what are you going to do?" "Other people have jobs. Why don't you?" "The young adults where I work are working. Why aren't you?" "You are lacking something special that other people have" "You need another degree!" "Go back to college for a third degree. I'll pay for it." "If you don't take my offer then you are cut off from the family"... over and over and over again she harasses me with the same unchanging statements on nearly every other occasion. She belittles me in this manner by zeroing in on this subject matter, she ignores all of the research and conclusions that I have presented her with, and she acts very arrogantly like as if I owe her even when she has been confronted and informed in a clear manner about my boundaries.
She blames me with mixed messages by stating: "It's not my job to help you. So stop asking me for advice. Don't ask me for help. It's not my job." In fact I never asked her for advice. She takes it upon herself to bring up the subject and interrogate with those types of harassing questions. This has been going on for 6 months. I have also received very harassing letters: some demanding that I write her and keep in touch while other letters state that she will cut me off from the family if I did not follow her directions. She has also sent previous letters stating that she is worried for me. Almost every time I talk with her she wants to selfishly dominate the conversation and fill the conversation with opinions that are not backed up with facts or research. She likes to bring up the times that I was "bullied in high school" which are long forgotten times that I don't even remember. For example: "Remember those times you were bullied in high school". Apparently she remembers them very well but I don't.
I have repeatedly informed her that mixed messages and sarcasm does not help in this situation. She then sent me another letter " In order for the mixed messages to stop you are cut off from the family." Then she sends me an email that conversations with me will be confined to so many minutes and to only certain topics.
I'm wondering how I should deal with her seemingly psychotic harassment, and oppressive techniques? I'm wondering what is this craziness really about? If anyone has done this to someone or experienced this I'd like to know what is really going on and what are some good ways of dealing with this harassment?
The best way to deal with it is to not deal with it. Buh bye. Who needs that crap, from "family" no less. Let her go. She's doing you a favor.
I have been on the receiving end of constant harassment from a two-faced Aunt on the occassions that I speak and interact with her. I have been underemployed in the past, now unemployed, very stressed, and in the process of looking for better opportunities. I prefer not to talk too much about that: I prefer to bring up that the economy is the problem and I've already done everything I can do. She humors me and says flippantly "I know, I know". She knows these facts yet every time I talk with her she constantly demands in a hateful manner "Well what are you going to do?" "Other people have jobs. Why don't you?" "The young adults where I work are working. Why aren't you?" "You are lacking something special that other people have" "You need another degree!" "Go back to college for a third degree. I'll pay for it." "If you don't take my offer then you are cut off from the family"... over and over and over again she harasses me with the same unchanging statements on nearly every other occasion. She belittles me in this manner by zeroing in on this subject matter, she ignores all of the research and conclusions that I have presented her with, and she acts very arrogantly like as if I owe her even when she has been confronted and informed in a clear manner about my boundaries.
She blames me with mixed messages by stating: "It's not my job to help you. So stop asking me for advice. Don't ask me for help. It's not my job." In fact I never asked her for advice. She takes it upon herself to bring up the subject and interrogate with those types of harassing questions. This has been going on for 6 months. I have also received very harassing letters: some demanding that I write her and keep in touch while other letters state that she will cut me off from the family if I did not follow her directions. She has also sent previous letters stating that she is worried for me. Almost every time I talk with her she wants to selfishly dominate the conversation and fill the conversation with opinions that are not backed up with facts or research. She likes to bring up the times that I was "bullied in high school" which are long forgotten times that I don't even remember. For example: "Remember those times you were bullied in high school". Apparently she remembers them very well but I don't.
I have repeatedly informed her that mixed messages and sarcasm does not help in this situation. She then sent me another letter " In order for the mixed messages to stop you are cut off from the family." Then she sends me an email that conversations with me will be confined to so many minutes and to only certain topics.
I'm wondering how I should deal with her seemingly psychotic harassment, and oppressive techniques? I'm wondering what is this craziness really about? If anyone has done this to someone or experienced this I'd like to know what is really going on and what are some good ways of dealing with this harassment?
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like your aunt is very jealous of you for some reason. That is the only explanation I can give. Or maybe she focuses on the negative aspects going on in your life to deflect the bad things that are occuring in her own. She sounds like a very jealous and manipulative person. Is she married, or live alone?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
