How to deal with family member that likes to gloat about others? (person, house)
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A close family member has a habit of bragging about others to me. I don't know if she does it intentionally or just to make conversation, but it's a bit annoying.
Recently she was talking about my cousin who bought a Bentley car, and today she gushed about how she rode in the car when she arrived home.
Then last week she told me how a family friend was accepted onto this TV show called The Voice.
All are wonderful things! They really are. But honestly..I'm not interested.
I just don't define success in material possessions. Although, they can be a measure of it.
I don't even keep in contact with those who she gloats about. And I'm sure I would find out on FB either way.
I finally told her today that I'm really not interested in hearing about it. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I am not. These things just simply don't phase me
I'm sure she will bring up something else, like how "so & so" recently purchased a BMW or a new house.
I don't want to be rude because she takes it as I am.
well she could be doing a LOT worse than just "bragging" about people...maybe she's just feeling proud...I wouldn't "do" anything about it....just enjoy her company, and be glad she's a positive person....when you tell her you're not interested in what she has to say, I feel you ARE being rude...better to just distance yourself from her if she's that bothersome...that's better than hurting her feelings, I think.
well she could be doing a LOT worse than just "bragging" about people...maybe she's just feeling proud...I wouldn't "do" anything about it....just enjoy her company, and be glad she's a positive person....when you tell her you're not interested in what she has to say, I feel you ARE being rude...better to just distance yourself from her if she's that bothersome...that's better than hurting her feelings, I think.
No, I'm not interested and I don't want to pretend to be interested and mask the way I really feel. I don't see anything rude in being honest.
Why feel so proud about something YOU didn't accomplish?
Why feel so proud about something YOU didn't accomplish?
Some people find satisfaction in living theirs vicariously. Be it possessions, finances, pro sports, entertainers, life situations ....
If it's not your cup of tea, and this person doesn't "get it" that you aren't interested in supporting their gratification and validation of their life ...
Best to simply avoid this situation if it annoys you that much.
Sounds like she's excited for them and shares in their excitement. So sue her. Any reason why you can't can't just say, "hey, that's great! What's new with you?" Or just simply give her a pre-approved list of topics that she can bring up without you shooting her down.
Some people find satisfaction in living theirs vicariously. Be it possessions, finances, pro sports, entertainers, life situations ....
If it's not your cup of tea, and this person doesn't "get it" that you aren't interested in supporting their gratification and validation of their life ...
Best to simply avoid this situation if it annoys you that much.
Good advice. Not too opinionated.
I don't mind talking about other's successes, but I'm interested more in monumental successes.
What about all of the Americans winning big at the Olympics. That's a good discussion.
This year's Nobel prize winners?
Another interesting topic.
We never have these types of discussions. I never have these types of discussions with anyone...I'm thinking I need to expand my circle.
Maybe I don't benefit them, the same way they don't benefit me.
Sounds like she's excited for them and shares in their excitement. So sue her. Any reason why you can't can't just say, "hey, that's great! What's new with you?" Or just simply give her a pre-approved list of topics that she can bring up without you shooting her down.
Lighten up.
Why should I lighten up?
And I never said I don't say these things, but I don't want to engage in an hour long conversation about it.
Did you not see the part where I said that I am happy for them?
I'm sorry. But I'd rather be blunt about it.
And the question says what would you do..not tell me what I should do...
They don't get what you're saying but I get what you're saying. You, my friend, have completely different values from this lady, so your friendship's depth will always be limited by this. You should widen your circle. It's funny that I went through this with my mother. She goes on and on about material things. Money/materialism is her god. It's not as high a priority for me. She could be 300lbs, a total douchebag socially and be happy IF she had a million dollars in the bank. Id rather be healthy physically and spiritually and have less than a million. Neither of us is wrong really. Just different values. So, I don't think it's rude to give honest feedback on what you do and don't want to spend your shared time together doing. I think it's selfish of her to continue discussing that stuff (which is trivial stuff going on in other people's lives...NOT HERS) at length. A minute or two, why not?! A freaking hour??? Hell no.
I wouldn't do anything because having her share about her day wouldn't bother me.
No, I agree. I have no problem with her sharing HER day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ticatica
They don't get what you're saying but I get what you're saying. You, my friend, have completely different values from this lady, so your friendship's depth will always be limited by this. You should widen your circle. It's funny that I went through this with my mother. She goes on and on about material things. Money/materialism is her god. It's not as high a priority for me. She could be 300lbs, a total douchebag socially and be happy IF she had a million dollars in the bank. Id rather be healthy physically and spiritually and have less than a million. Neither of us is wrong really. Just different values. So, I don't think it's rude to give honest feedback on what you do and don't want to spend your shared time together doing. I think it's selfish of her to continue discussing that stuff (which is trivial stuff going on in other people's lives...NOT HERS) at length. A minute or two, why not?! A freaking hour??? Hell no.
Exactly! There has got to be some sort of compromise going on.
And you and I are definitely alike. I'm more concerned about being healthy, happy, and spiritually whole.
I like Louis Vuitton too, but these material things people obsess about do NOT equate happiness.
A couple of minutes don't bother me at all..but time is our biggest asset.
She is the one who instilled these values in me to begin with, and the fact we just can't relate is a tad bit disappointing.
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