How to help a friend with a divorce (spouse, father, husband)

[Patheon]

Okay, a friend of mine is thinking, looking and preparing herself to divorce her husband, but she doesn't know how to go about it. Due to her circumstances..

First, he works, she doesn't. She is ill and and has no income whatsoever (relies on him completely for it)... currently she is applying for disability to get some kind of income, but because of this situation she doesn't know how to work a divorce.

Second, they have 2 kids, and again she doesn't want him to get custody of the kids... she doesn't trust him to even raise them, with decent reason. Like for example, when she get's hospitalized for her illness, the kids usually don't eat or even go to school, because he just doesn't want to bring them to the bus stop and they are too afraid to ask him for food because he get's very irratible... There are other reasons, but those are the most recent.

Third, it has become clear to her that the stress of him being around, and their financial stability and living arrangements and everything is causing her to get sicker. Doctors have even told her she needs to reduce her stress level and soon, otherwise she might not live too much longer.

So for these couple of examples (there are tons more but), how can she go about getting divorced, if she has no income, and no way to support herself currently due to her illness without him (granted they aren't really getting by with him now).. Does anyone have an idea of what I can suggest to her to help her?

[Rakin]

Problem is it takes money. Does she not have family who can help ? She might wait until she gets her disability and has some income.

She's between a rock and a hard spot with few options.

[Patheon]

She's not really sure about the family end of it.

Supposedly her son's school is suppose to be helpping THEM get a place with state assistance, since their living arrangements is basically a shelter. And something called SAGA they are suppose to help her get, but she really doesn't want to move to a new place WITH him. He himself can go live with members of his family, she doesn't think she can with her own family. Plus he works, so he can in essence get a place of his own, she has no income so she can't.

I'm thinking, she can ask her parents to help, but her mother doesn't have much longer to live, and her father isn't all together there.. She's just in a real rough spot.. so anything I can do to help (I can't take her in because I'm living with my own parents trying to get myself back on my own feet which is going along VERY slowly), I want to, I just don't know what else to do. And she needs to get her stress level down QUICKLY, heck when she is not around him, she is happy, just the mention of his name gives her chest pains now.

I mean, can she maybe talk to a social worker? They do get SNAP and state medical, and she is in the process (2nd doctor visit coming.. or maybe it was 3rd, I don't remember), so should she talk to this case/social worker too?

[blondiel]

If abuse is involved, she may want to contact the battered women assistance in her area. They may have resources to help her.

[Patheon]

Depends on how you look at it.. Technically no REAL abuse. but the whole not feeding kids while she is in hospital.. that's abuse in my book, but not against her. So using that as a reason I feel would hurt her more in the end then anything.

[blondiel]

She doesn't have to let him move with her and the children when she gets a new place. They could live separately without a divorce. The divorce could happen when her living and financial conditions are better. She will get child support whether or not they are divorced if they aren't living together. Social Services will help her get child support.

It appears that divorce should not be of concern at this time. Her living conditions, her health and taking care of her children should be priority. Once they live separately for the time according to the laws of her state, either could file for divorce with only filing fees.

[Patheon]

yeah that's what I thought too. but she's afraid that according to the application they are married and both going to live there, and then she goes with just the kids.. and has no money to pay bills, etc.. idk lol

[jaypee]

First and foremost she should consult with a lawyer who can advise her appropriately.

If she currently co-owns a home, most likely they'll advise that she not move out -- especially if she has no savings and it is not a spousal abuse situation.
She'll need to squirrel away money for living expenses between when she informs her husband and when a temporary order for spousal/child support is issued by the court.
It's not unusual for a spouse to preemtively withdraw some, if not all, amount of savings. Of course, this ratches up the stress level even more for all parties involved.

[Huckleberry3911948]

if she is on disability she can get medical. this is a huge benefit also she can get housing if she is disabled. (SSI) section 8 is automatic. i would not be fast to file for divorce until that happens.m expect to appeal on SSI everybody does rejection is automatic 1st time around. if she has got two kids and is on her death bed why are we talking about a custody battle?
the choice should be clear.

[Caltovegas]

Best way to help a friend with a divorce is to stay out of it.