I am so tired of not being able to make female friends (husband, person)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am so fed up with trying to make new female friends! I just need to vent about this. I'm a married woman in my early 30's. My hubby and I moved to our area 4 years ago from across the country, not knowing a single person here. I have tried and tried to make new friends (and we've tried to make couple friends in the area). I can say that I've made one new friend in these past 4 years, through a cooking class I joined. Which would be great except that she's constantly booked and we can only get together every other month (due to her crazy busy schedule). However, in my attempt to make other new female friends, I am just really annoyed at people's lack of social skills these days.
For example, earlier this week I invited an acquaintance out for dinner tonight--sent her an email asking if she'd like to meet for dinner tonight to which she never even had the courtesy to respond. A couple weeks ago I did the same thing with a different acquaintance, and she also didn't have the courtesy to respond until the next week, and said, "sorry I didn't get back to you in time about dinner." What is that about? I would never do something so rude as to completely IGNORE a social invitation. Yet it seems to happen all the time by others! Earlier in the week I also invited the one friend I've made so far and her husband to a movie tomorrow--guess what, she never responded either.
What is with these people????
Why is it so incredibly hard to make new friends? I am so tired of being lonely. I have tried everything--getting to know people at work, joining social groups, meetup.com groups, taking adult ed classes. Even our neighbors are aloof and distant and have no interest in socializing.
Most people I meet are from here, so they already have lots of friends. But even those who seem like they want to make new friends seem to be booked up for weeks--you practically have to book with them 6 weeks in advance, and I am so tired of it. I just want to make a female friend who is actually available to do things. Where can I find someone like that? My husband hasn't had any luck either making male friends, though he hasn't tried nearly as hard as I have.
Exactly what kind of area is this? im guessing suburban? Its strange that youve been there four years and havent made any friends. Did you and your husband have any trouble making friends before the move?
Id figure that social groups are a good place to start, ie. book club, volunteer orgs, hobby clubs, jogging/sport clubs. You seemed to have tried that but maybe give it another go? Dont be too impatient about it, you cant push friendships.
I am so fed up with trying to make new female friends! I just need to vent about this. I'm a married woman in my early 30's. My hubby and I moved to our area 4 years ago from across the country, not knowing a single person here. I have tried and tried to make new friends (and we've tried to make couple friends in the area). I can say that I've made one new friend in these past 4 years, through a cooking class I joined. Which would be great except that she's constantly booked and we can only get together every other month (due to her crazy busy schedule). However, in my attempt to make other new female friends, I am just really annoyed at people's lack of social skills these days.
For example, earlier this week I invited an acquaintance out for dinner tonight--sent her an email asking if she'd like to meet for dinner tonight to which she never even had the courtesy to respond. A couple weeks ago I did the same thing with a different acquaintance, and she also didn't have the courtesy to respond until the next week, and said, "sorry I didn't get back to you in time about dinner." What is that about? I would never do something so rude as to completely IGNORE a social invitation. Yet it seems to happen all the time by others! Earlier in the week I also invited the one friend I've made so far and her husband to a movie tomorrow--guess what, she never responded either.
What is with these people????
Why is it so incredibly hard to make new friends? I am so tired of being lonely. I have tried everything--getting to know people at work, joining social groups, meetup.com groups, taking adult ed classes. Even our neighbors are aloof and distant and have no interest in socializing.
Most people I meet are from here, so they already have lots of friends. But even those who seem like they want to make new friends seem to be booked up for weeks--you practically have to book with them 6 weeks in advance, and I am so tired of it. I just want to make a female friend who is actually available to do things. Where can I find someone like that? My husband hasn't had any luck either making male friends, though he hasn't tried nearly as hard as I have.
Roughly where are you located now? I've found big cities like New York and LA are worse than other places about this. It's taken me three years to get a handful of co-workers to go to a happy hour three blocks from the office on a Friday evening, so you're not the only one.
Maybe part of the problem is using e-mail to invite people. What if you called them on the phone instead? It's harder to dodge an invitation when the person doing the inviting is right there.
And if they dodge your calls, leave a voice message saying, "I just wanted to thank you so much for what you did for us." The recipient will call you to find out what it was they did.
Yeah, I know, it's manipulative game-playing. But if you want to get them on the phone, it usually works.
Ha ha I know of the same people you mention who act as if they are famous movie stars who are booked with activities for weeks and weeks. If they were truly friendly and thoughtful people they would invite you out or encourage you to meet them. I cannot stand selfish people like that. To prove my friendliness I tend to invite people out to meet me at a public social gathering at a specific time: I also provide contact information so they can get in touch with me if they have questions or comments. I don't leave them in the dark or feeling alienated.
Your post reminds me of when I was in college and a lot of times I would get in a snide tone: "Oh hey there is a social gathering at such and such place: come out and find me there." I'd be like "Hell no. I'm not going to find you." I'm not a big fan of "Where's Waldo": I do social activities on a schedule, with planning, with structure, and confirmation. Then after explicating all of that information they would say "Just come find me. It doesn't matter the time." Ughhhh. Morons everywhere.
Exactly what kind of area is this? im guessing suburban? Its strange that youve been there four years and havent made any friends. Did you and your husband have any trouble making friends before the move?
Id figure that social groups are a good place to start, ie. book club, volunteer orgs, hobby clubs, jogging/sport clubs. You seemed to have tried that but maybe give it another go? Dont be too impatient about it, you cant push friendships.
It's been my experience that friendships tend to happen naturally when you're around certain people a great deal of the time, especially at work or those who share common interests. I can relate to what you're saying though because I moved to a city where I didn't really know anyone which I've done several times before but this time I was retired and now I basically live like a hermit. The only good thing about it is the fact that I don't really mind being alone but at the same time I do realize that this isolation is not a healthy thing.
Your situation sounds a bit troubling because you're young, still working, and making an effort to expand your social network in order to have a more enjoyable life. It also makes me wonder about the people that you know who seem to be booked up for weeks at a time with various commitments that they've already scheduled. I honestly don't think I've ever known anyone who has an ongoing booked schedule like that in my life. If you don't mind my asking, what sort of work do you do and are there certain types of people that you're trying to meet? And is it also possible that there actually are people who you could become close to but perhaps you're trying to fit into a certain social strata that tends to become competitive and possibly superficial?
Please forgive me if I'm off the mark, it wouldn't be the first time. In any case I sincerely wish you well and hope that you'll find a group of friends who make your life more rewarding.
We're in Washington, DC. I agree maybe big cities are the issue, in terms of it being harder to make friends, but I've lived in small towns as well and it wasn't particularly easy to make friends there either.
We are still willing to keep trying the social groups--we just joined a new one (cooking club) so we'll see what happens with that. I always get so excited about joining these social groups, but then they usually end up being a big disappointment. People seem to be so picky in who they're willing to be friends with. These women don't seem willing to even have lunch with me when I invite them and never return the invitation. I will add that we're mainly trying to become friends with other married couples who also don't have kids or for me, married or single gals in their late 20's/early 30's.
I guess calling them on the phone is another thing to try. When I have done this in the past I always get voice mail, which is annoying.
I used to think maybe there was something about me but I don't think that anymore. I think the problem is that other women my age are way too overscheduled. I really think it's the new "in" thing with women in this age group. I personally don't understand it. But most of the people we meet are from here and have tons of friends and family in the area and so are always booked with doing lots of family events and things with their friends.
There really isn't any certain "type" of person I'm trying to meet. We're trying to make married couple friends, but other than that I guess I'm mainly looking to be friends with married gals without kids. People at work aren't a great option, as most are nowhere around our age range.
For example, earlier this week I invited an acquaintance out for dinner tonight--sent her an email asking if she'd like to meet for dinner tonight to which she never even had the courtesy to respond. lonely. I have tried everything--getting to know people at work, joining social groups, meetup.com groups, taking adult ed classes. Even our neighbors are aloof and distant and have no interest in socializing.
.
Maybe should have asked her out for coffee or lunch, to some specific event--art gallery reception, etc.
I just think that women in their early 30s today, especially those who work and have children, just don't have time for socializing.
I see you're in the Northern Virginia area, don't a lot of people there also commute to DC for work? Unless you find a stay at home Mom, I can see where it might be difficult to find another woman to spend much time with you.
However, I think the shared interest idea is the best approach. Maybe someone at the gym for example, will run together with you, because she would otherwise do it anyway, but alone....
I'm in a similar situation. I'm a 22 year old female, I moved to Miami 4 years ago from Boston. I have made maybe 3 or 4 female friends down here but 2 of them moved back up north (Chicago, Boston). One of them got a sugar daddy who bought her boobs and I haven't seen her since I helped take care of her after the opperation (2 years ago?) and the last one is in her 40s and now she is in a serious relationship with a man in his 50s so I guess there is no time for her old 22 year old gal pal. I even tried contacting her a few times, but she avoids me. I don't know...maybe I did something?
I go to a commuter school (people aren't very friendly) and at my last job none of the girls befriended me, only the guys. This can lead to problems if you have a BF or hubby.
I'll be keeping an eye on this thread because I'm in the same boat as OP.
I will admit to something quite silly, a few months ago I was drinking wine and watching sex and the city and I shed a tear because those four ladies have something special, there is nothing more priceless in this world than having great friends. I miss it so much. I always had a group of close female friends until I moved here!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
