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suddenly lonely for his own... whistles for Sunshine... see's her from afar... beautiful in the fading light... chuckles... fishes out a cube... and puts it in shirt pocket... hears Sunshine trot in then lightly sniff exploring...
laughs and gets it for her... holding it flat in my palm... lets her finish.. patting her neck fondly... Ready girl? Let do some jumping!... grabbing a fist full of hair... hops up... clicking tongue, guides her toward rolling hills and deep green-black forests...
... clouds hanging like pictures... whispered promises... lingers... still... in your lover's skies... courageous warriors... Sword of love in hand... fevered embrace... in the Motherland... go swiftly dear maiden... for sun shall come too soon... tomorrow's arising... with the call of the loon... ::
:: dawn's lasting whisper... fly with me my darling... it quietly insist... Heaven's most precious secret:... found in your kiss... you fall in love with me... but really... you're falling in love with God who made me... take me and for that moment return to His Glory's bliss... ::
:: what more holier prayer than this... a prayer of life and love in a kiss... tenderness... Heaven's voice and yours... one and the same... expansive... ::
~flings self back.... gasps! can't breathe ... hot tears blinking ...~no sounds.. breath catches ....controls sobs in throat~ ...what if He saw me .... what if He did not.... is this really happening?
~covers face with hands ... sees warm sun through fingers... the golden blood hue of sun through human skin's glow.... book tumbles forgotten... swings head side to side~ oh my gosh ... oh my goodness.... what ever shall i do now? ... think... think what would a lady do?
~repeating ....keep composure ....repeating ..breath ragged, relaxes ....breath goes full out...exhales ....swims in feelings .... eyes sting ...blinks back tears~ .... composure... graceful exit.....graceful exit ~peeps to the edge of field....tween fingers....barely moving~
... if i hold still this will not be happening... ~peeks to see distance to the edge of the field... the sweet gesturing shadow under the trees~ ...maybe i can roll.... maybe i can roll slowly away ....maybe He won't speak.... maybe i won't speak... ~throat so full i could not speak ... even if an angel asked me my name~
..... maybe crawl ....that's it.... i can slowly crawl away .....He is such a gentleman ... He would never confront this..... He will let me blend into the background .... oh god i wish i were invisible.... that i was not here...
~eyes fix through slit in fingers~ ... shade beckons... what to do?... ~eyes catch a tall blade of wild grass swooping 'cross view ... a ladybug climbs vigorously.. stops and peers round from the apex of the stem..... thats me, oh goodness! that's me stuck out at the top of the world ....bright lady bug launches ....tiny wings flap awkwardly falls back.... barely clings to her perch... she tries again... over and over looking around... changing positions... crawls to the tip of the edge... she launches one final time...... she is gone off to the new world ....feels suddenly alone and lets a sob
~feels fingers slide across dampened cheeks ... tries to open eyes to light~ sun is bursting bright on the other side of these protective fingers...what shall i do now?
...is he gone... what is happening... is he gone? ....is he gone? ~heart fills with hope and fear~ ... what if its true..he was here .... now gone ... what if its not true ...he was not here .....and i am making this all up.... ~ heart and mind shake back and forth ... in confusion~ what would a lady do? ... graceful ....graceful
~gathers shaking breath ...centering breath through ....to face .... and throat ...belly~ long forgotten.... ~gasps~ .... oh God in Heaven.... what if this is really happening?
caught red handed ... caught here .... suspended where He once lay ....who ....how will i be? ... imagine the edge of meadow is safety or a mouse! ..... a mouse and i am a cat... crawl like that... barely moving .....slow motion... don't even glance His direction... don't hear His whispers... roll the opposite way... is that an affront if He's here ....
would that hurt His heart? be braver, cellie.... you are embarrassed .....but is that reason to hurt Him ....you feel vulnerable ......but is that reason to reject His kindness ....is this about you or about something greater than you?
what am i saying ... He might have seen me and think me....... think me what? .... not proper? ....did he not say he wanted the real me? is this the real me? rolling in a meadow laying in His space touching.. stop!
~new burst of fresh tears threatens the gates~ carefully lays a hand between us... raises eyes to sky while moving as if blind... must avoid His glance ....hand feels His heat close! ~body flushes greedily in sweetness .... involuntarily gasps... wills other hand to move slowly .....like, mittens the cat, when she's playing with yarn~
~moves so slow... years pass and children grow up... knees drag 'gainst cotton skirt... seasons melt into one another ....fabric pulling at waist~ .... not enough cloth for crawling without lifting it ~reaches down ..stops~
~sees Mr. MMC face down in grasses!~ oh Lord in Heaven, is He injured or hurt? silly girl me! ~freezes~ ~fearful concern pulls~ courage, cellie ...
~calls out weakly~ ... "Mr MMC? ... Mr. MMC? ~panics... thinks~ what if He is in pain!? For shame, cellie! "are You in need of assistance, Sir?... ~self-consciousness forgotten~
~crawls ... sprawling head first... forgetting to lift cloth, skirt drags ... tumble forward then downward onto tummy .... sinking feeling rises from heart to throat... tears spill .... shoulders, arms, neck tense, tummy in knots~ oh no... ~shakes head in disbelief~.... perhaps He does not see me ... a clumsy foal that cannot even stand... ~pain of failure stings smartly ....head lowers in shame... cheeks flush anew with embarrassment... mouth dries... ears thunder~
~hides this moment ... hears an anguished voice crying out within~ what of Mr. MMC...what if He needs my help?
~kernel of courage grows ... eyelids press briefly... full inhale brings resolve from nature itself ... He may be in shock.... must approach him gently... must help him... must not startle Him....
~left hand grasps skirt upward to knees~ ~concern for Mr. MMC increases~ ... He has not moved... ~leans weight on right hip and thigh ... lowers upper torso, elbow and hand to ground... slowly scoots, like a worm, toward Mr. MMC ... heart thumps wildly ... tummy flutters... arms and hands feel weak~
He is here... it's not my imagination... He's ... not moving... His upper torso visible, the rest of His form cloaked by shrubbery.... a cheek rests against the earth... ~becomes momentarily lost gazing at His face... streaked with earth ... hair clinging to His broad forehead... dark eyelashes.. nose... then lips .... feels an incredibly sweet sensation wash over ... a tide carrying me away~
~heart floods with a thousand delicious feelings ... cries to Heaven, asking~ is it a sin to look at Him when i feel like this? ~eyes greedily drink in the strength of His neck and shoulders ....lips part to taste the sweetness of this moment ... feels like a fish caught in a net of love...
~calls on the angels to for strength to ... to.... to..... heeellllppppp!~
~sudden flash of realization~... must call to Him ... must see if He is conscious, if He can hear me ... must not approach abruptly... ~calls gently with a tinge of fear .... then with increasing strength~ ...Mr. MMC... Mr. MMC, Sir......
~flings self back.... gasps! can't breathe ... hot tears blinking ...~no sounds.. breath catches ....controls sobs in throat~ ...what if He saw me .... what if He did not.... is this really happening?
~covers face with hands ... sees warm sun through fingers... the golden blood hue of sun through human skin's glow.... book tumbles forgotten... swings head side to side~ oh my gosh ... oh my goodness.... what ever shall i do now? ... think... think what would a lady do?
:: earth's soil... full of potential surrounds me in this moment...
"Lord... l whisper deep this prayer that it may bring fruit... bless my tears faling as a seed of sincerity... help her meet her precious fulfillment... oh sweet doe of goodness!... mortified I know... know not yet what oneness is... most beautiful of creation... "
"... is not also your instincts divine.... and yet, belief still in the world of clay... feel my heartbeat thru earth's living mirror... lower to where you found me and be reborn again... tis my prayer as a part of you dies... letting go the girlhood that kept you satisfied... "
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cellie
~repeating ....keep composure ....repeating ..breath ragged, relaxes ....breath goes full out...exhales ....swims in feelings .... eyes sting ...blinks back tears~ .... composure... graceful exit.....graceful exit ~peeps to the edge of field....tween fingers....barely moving~
... if i hold still this will not be happening... ~peeks to see distance to the edge of the field... the sweet gesturing shadow under the trees~ ...maybe i can roll.... maybe i can roll slowly away ....maybe He won't speak.... maybe i won't speak... ~throat so full i could not speak ... even if an angel asked me my name~
:: heard her repressed sob... keeps praying... internally...
your blood runs hot... speed you to mysteries... vulnerablity bites leaving streaking pleasures... sweeping an open heart in senselessness... invincible and as weak as a babe it's baptism... shedding old skin in a moment of pleasure... timeless is this ancient touch... be fearless my precious angel... open and alive I wait in a meadow.. submission's whip clench both bowels and fist... enduring love's trials... to be worthy... of the tree of life... ::
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cellie
..... maybe crawl ....that's it.... i can slowly crawl away .....He is such a gentleman ... He would never confront this..... He will let me blend into the background .... oh god i wish i were invisible.... that i was not here...
~eyes fix through slit in fingers~ ... shade beckons... what to do?... ~eyes catch a tall blade of wild grass swooping 'cross view ... a ladybug climbs vigorously.. stops and peers round from the apex of the stem..... thats me, oh goodness! that's me stuck out at the top of the world ....bright lady bug launches ....tiny wings flap awkwardly falls back.... barely clings to her perch... she tries again... over and over looking around... changing positions... crawls to the tip of the edge... she launches one final time...... she is gone off to the new world.... feels suddenly alone and lets out a sob...
:: your sobs... a violent sandstorm that tears at my nakedness... how many worlds must die within you first my love... their teachings, their doctrines before the dawn of belief... salvation is only found in the warmth and pleasure of my arms...and my redemption in yours!... where is the hero that walks the earth... enbued with more faith than me... show me so that I may serve him... and earn a place in your heart's admiration...::
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cellie
~feels fingers slide across dampened cheeks ... tries to open eyes to light~ sun is bursting bright on the other side of these protective fingers...what shall i do now?
...is he gone... what is happening... is he gone? ....is he gone? ~heart fills with hope and fear~ ... what if its true..he was here .... now gone ... what if its not true ...he was not here .....and i am making this all up.... ~ heart and mind shake back and forth ... in confusion~ what would a lady do? ... graceful ....graceful
~gathers shaking breath ...centering breath through ....to face .... and throat ...belly~ long forgotten.... ~gasps~ .... oh God in Heaven.... what if this is really happening?
:: dear angel... millions of years it took for my right to life... to breathe the aire that fills your lungs... to grow the fibers for your skirt... to mutate all foods just to grace your belly... say you are with mercy... fulfill life's purpose... courage latent in your thighs... fulfill our dreams pulsing deep inside your breast... straddle my strength in shadow again... when ye nay know I laid
weeping in thine... ::
caught red handed ... caught here .... suspended where He once lay ....who ....how will i be? ... imagine the edge of meadow is safety or a mouse! ..... a mouse and i am a cat... crawl like that... barely moving .....slow motion... don't even glance His direction... don't hear His whispers... roll the opposite way... is that an affront if He's here ....
would that hurt His heart? be braver, cellie.... you are embarrassed .....but is that reason to hurt Him ....you feel vulnerable ......but is that reason to reject His kindness ....is this about you or about something greater than you?
what am i saying ... He might have seen me and think me....... think me what? .... not proper? ....did he not say he wanted the real me? is this the real me? rolling in a meadow laying in His space touching.. stop!
:: desperation creeps up back.. muscles tense... continues praying internally... wants ti pound fist in earth... screams, what must I do! Do not a willing heart demands to be heard before eternal wisdom? Is she not your child before she was her parents? Do you not have a divine purpose for her life beyond what I will inspire? Tell Me now Lord or be silent when a mistake destroy what you love most in her! Ask and you shall receive! Well... I'm f@@@ing asking you now so don't give me any bull sh** about waiting for a week! I NEED guidance NOW!... buries face deeper to silence own temptation to sob... controls breath... must stay calm::
~new burst of fresh tears threatens the gates~ carefully lays a hand between us... raises eyes to sky while moving as if blind... must avoid His glance ....hand feels His heat close! ~body flushes greedily in sweetness .... involuntarily gasps... wills other hand to move slowly .....like, mittens the cat, when she's playing with yarn~
~moves so slow... years pass and children grow up... knees drag 'gainst cotton skirt... seasons melt into one another ....fabric pulling at waist~ .... not enough cloth for crawling without lifting it ~reaches down ..stops~
~sees Mr. MMC face down in grasses!~ oh Lord in Heaven, is He injured or hurt? silly girl me! ~freezes~ ~fearful concern pulls~ courage, cellie ...
:: horror steals o'er me as I realize shoulders are shaking... all fight dissipates as quickly as it came... face crumbles... .. sees/hears an answer... inner eyes watches efforts to make shape of dog shadow with hands... eyes invite her to look at ground... offers smile and tells her to come to my side... copy my hands... see her dog too now?... let them play and their shadow meet... merging ... blending.. full of laughter and comfort... me asking her tell me what ya doggy feels ... and I'll tell you mine... thanks Heaven for guidance and asks forgiveness for outburst ::
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cellie
~calls out weakly~ ... "Mr MMC? ... Mr. MMC? ~panics... thinks~ what if He is in pain!? For shame, cellie! "are You in need of assistance, Sir?... ~self-consciousness forgotten~
:: tries to answer... rough... hoarse ... more grunt than word... exhausted with muscles tight for so long... attempts to gesture with a raise hand... fingers move barely... heart urgent for her... tells self to rest a few secs... ::
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cellie
~crawls ... sprawling head first... forgetting to lift cloth, skirt drags ... tumble forward then downward onto tummy .... sinking feeling rises from heart to throat... tears spill .... shoulders, arms, neck tense, tummy in knots~ oh no... ~shakes head in disbelief~.... perhaps He does not see me ... a clumsy foal that cannot even stand... ~pain of failure stings smartly ....head lowers in shame... cheeks flush anew with embarrassment... mouth dries... ears thunder~
~hides this moment ... hears an anguished voice crying out within~ what of Mr. MMC...what if He needs my help?
:: floats far from flesh... sees fingernails gripping ground of it's own will... witness her struggle away then struggles to return... earth smells rises forcing a quick descension... filling lungs ... body jerks and am back inside... heart prays yet mind is suddenly alert... what was it... hears it again... a ting of fear in her call... ::
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cellie
~kernel of courage grows ... eyelids press briefly... full inhale brings resolve from nature itself ... He may be in shock.... must approach him gently... must help him... must not startle Him....
~left hand grasps skirt upward to knees~ ~concern for Mr. MMC increases~ ... He has not moved... ~leans weight on right hip and thigh ... lowers upper torso, elbow and hand to ground... slowly scoots, like a worm, toward Mr. MMC ... heart thumps wildly ... tummy flutters... arms and hands feel weak~
He is here... it's not my imagination... He's ... not moving... His upper torso visible, the rest of His form cloaked by shrubbery.... a cheek rests against the earth... ~becomes momentarily lost gazing at His face... streaked with earth... hair clinging to His broad forehead... dark eyelashes.. nose... then lips .... feels an incredibly sweet sensation wash over ... a tide carrying me away~
:: tries to gesture again... more successful this time... whispers for her to come forward... body drenched in sweat... need to speak louder...lips parched... closes eyes... surprise to find them wet...
weakly yells:: "ya girl... come..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cellie
~heart floods with a thousand delicious feelings ... cries to Heaven, asking~ is it a sin to look at Him when i feel like this? ~eyes greedily drink in the strength of His neck and shoulders ....lips part to taste the sweetness of this moment ... feels like a fish caught in a net of love...
~calls on the angels to for strength to ... to.... to..... heeellllppppp!~
~sudden flash of realization~... must call to Him ... must see if He is conscious, if He can hear me ... must not approach abruptly... ~calls gently with a tinge of fear .... then with increasing strength~ ...Mr. MMC... Mr. MMC, Sir......
::hears her quick approach... swings onto back... lets self go... gasping for aire... waits til she's settles.. feels her concern... cannot comfort her now.. tries to utter... breaks... starts again.. :: ...
... "know I'd travel us all continents if tis what your inners ask ye to do to believe.. join every religion and wed thee in all... o'er and o'er til ye satisfy... for first touch belongs to thy need... not mine...
only tis asked from me... no emotional hide... no sin that requires hiding... live with me in light woman... and I swear I'll make ye happy... for my happiness is simple tho requires all effort to stay true... show Me how to live in ye world of magic... for already my life is not my own... no doubt, I... follow every inspiration regarding thee... have a story from Heaven of we... that plays in shadow see? "
::..tries to make a shadow dog but hands don't work right... collapse them to side... says instead :: "show ya later dear... nay worry now... am fine... nay worry"
Last edited by MadAtMcCain; 02-20-2009 at 04:58 PM..
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