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west336- I bet you are from MN or a surrounding state. Am I right?
If not meeting people with the same “interests” as myself means not meeting people who want to develop "real" friendships beyond the cordial work lunch or sporadic happy hour then no I haven't. And my interests are not exotic – I run, swim, cross-country ski, read (have joined two book clubs here and no outside-of-book-club invites have been offered or accepted), like movies, tec.
When you move to a place post-college and have to make friends for the first time out of the insta-friend situation that school creates, you come to realize that it is difficult and at times lonely. Thus, when you are settled and meet the new "new person" in town you are likely to reach out and include that person as you can identify with their situation. (Post-college I have lived in NYC and Denver and had no problems forming a circle of friends within a year. In Minneapolis for two years now.) That doesn't happen much in Minneapolis for I guess the many reasons we have seen posted on this site --don't "need" more friends, --too busy, etc. But whatever the reason, in my experience, the people I have met while "friendly" don't have that natural inclination to welcome a newcomer into their social circle. I am sorry (although I cannot understand why everyone gets so offensive) that this "observation" is so off-putting, from what I can see from these posts, to people that have grown up or attended college in Minnesota.
Location: Cleveland bound with MPLS in the rear-view
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I'm not offended personally, I just find your experience a little puzzling. I do think that Denver and New York City particularly are two cities with TONS of transplants. In fact, one thing I do not like about Denver is that it seems culture-less, mainly because everyone is new to the area.
Yes, I am from Minneapolis, but like you I have moved around quite a bit and have lived in St. Louis, Chicago and Columbus. I realize they are all Midwestern but I still think my experiences give me a little credibility in terms of ease to make friends and whatnot.
For the most part I agree that Minnesota is probably a tougher place to meet new people, but I really think that has more to do with the fact that most people in this country are afraid of cold weather and avoid Minneapolis like the plague unless a job lands them here. If that changes, I bet you'll see that "local" culture won't get in the way of you joining a new circle of people. I like to meet new people and I think my friends and I always try to include people in our "group". Since I know what it's like to be an outsider looking in I've never appreciated the barriers people naturally put up to meeting new people, so I always try to put the "shoe on the other foot" and try to make new people feel welcome. I realize that's probably not as common as it should be, but nobody has evil intentions, it's just a matter of experience and exposure, which may be lacking here moreso than other "magnets" for the reasons I mentioned earlier.
You know nothing about me. I'm not the one making broad sweeping generalizations: everyone from place X is like this. And no, I don't know what it's like to be a transplant to MN, but it's the height of rudeness to suggest that I, or anyone else who dares disagree with you, somehow refuses to accept others who aren't born in the state. My parents aren't from MN; my husband isn't from MN; many of my friends aren't from MN. I do consider people to be Minnesotan once they start living in the state -- I think you misunderstood my point. My point was that while in the beginning there's always a learning curve (yeah, I've other places too) and it usually takes a little time to really fully sink in and get to learn your way around a place. I've found it takes at least a full year somewhere before I start to really feel local. I don't mind that -- I think getting to know a new city or state (and people) is fascinating.
What is offensive to me is how everyone who disagrees with any statements is automatically assumed to have been born and raised in Minnesota or have attended college in MN, and anyone who doesn't fit that profile is tossed aside as being irrelevant.
I think most of us who have lived elsewhere have agreed that it's tougher in MN than in places with more people moving in and out, but frankly, I think it's pretty understandable that Minnesotans would find it offensive to repeatedly read in these sorts of threads that all Minnesotans are provincial and somehow inherently less worthy of friendship than people in other states. Or that all Minnesotans fit one particular stereotype or have the same exact interests.
I am not sure what is so puzzling about my experience. You basically prove my point. I don't doubt your ability to make friends outside of Minneapolis because in my opinion it easier to make freinds outside of the TC than in the TC becasue of the "local culture." My point is that I think your ability to make friends in Minneapolis stems in large part to your being from here. My point is that it is much easier to join a circle of friends outside the TC than in the TC if you are not from here (MN plus surrounding area).
What I do find puzzling is that despite the fact that I moved here weather and all, only IF the entire country loses its fear of the cold weather in MN will I be invited to join a circle of friends in Minneapolis. Wow that makes me feel welcome! Good thing I am not holding my breath and sticking around here long enough for that to happen.
As for Denver culture -- it attracts like-minded people in that most are seeking an outdoor lifestyle. While that may not be your cup of tea, and that is fine, there is def. a local culture. There are also a lot of people that grew up there and stay there too, just like MN., they just aren't as vocal about it because they have the opposite problem and are trying to keep people from moving there for the 300 days of fun in the sun!
Excessive? In another post in response to one of my earlier posts you mention “if you live here long enough” – who has time to wait years for people to finally accept you because you are now considered “Minnesotan” – why can’t you accept people for who they are and the variety that a transplant brings to your city…
Also, maybe they didn’t want to tell you what they really thought…out of fear of being ostracized.
]
Yeah, because my parents, my husband, and my mother-in-law are so worried about being ostracized.
I still don't understand how it's possible to complain on hand because Minnesotans are too reserved to say what they think, and then turn around and in the same breath complain when on boards like these or in conversations they're too open with their feelings.
I don't think there's anything wrong with criticizing Minnesota; of course it's not perfect. No state is. But take a look around: there are LOTS of people living in the Twin Cities who are not from Minnesota. Even if you crossed off all native-born Minnesotans from your list of potential friends, that STILL leaves a huge number of potential friends. It is tougher than those cities with a higher percentage of people moving in and out, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.
Thing is, I don't think most of the people who come on here are looking to actually debate these questions (I admit, I get frustrated, too); they just want to put the blame for their frustrations on someone else, and "Minnesota nice" makes a nice easy target. That's true of other areas, too; it's the easy way out to say "people in this city are like X, that's why I don't fit in or can't make friends." But that's giving in to the power of stereotypes. And even if there are people who fit those stereotypes around, there are always going to be plenty of other people who don't. Why not just concentrate on those people?
uptown-urbanist-
My broad generalization is one that you agree with "it is tougher in MN" and all I am saying is that because you are from Minneapolis you will never how tough it is and how "outsiders" feel or what they do/say to "fit in" because you are lucky enough to never have to be treated that way!
I am not sure what is so puzzling about my experience. You basically prove my point. I don't doubt your ability to make friends outside of Minneapolis because in my opinion it easier to make freinds outside of the TC than in the TC becasue of the "local culture." My point is that I think your ability to make friends in Minneapolis stems in large part to your being from here. My point is that it is much easier to join a circle of friends outside the TC than in the TC if you are not from here (MN plus surrounding area).
!
I'm not trying to be argumentative here, and this is a genuine question: why does it make it easier to make new friends in MN if you're from the state?
I understand that it's easier to meet people if you already know people and have an existing network from which to build -- friends introducing you to friends, that sort of thing. But other than that, I can't really see any advantage. I'm trying to figure out what you mean by local culture in that context.
I found this post by searching for the term after I was told about "MN Nice" by a co-worker, I was intrigued seeing I had been living here for a year at the time and was wondering why my husband and I never got invited to Super Bowl parties or the like. I became more interested when I started to see posts depicting how I felt about the ability to make friends here. So I am not here to just gripe and only posted after months of reading to give an outsider perspective to the original poster of this question.
I am not sure what your motive to be on this page is - if all is A-Ok with you and your decision to live here. Why so defensive to comments about how transplants are treated especially when you have no personal basis to make your comments. Please your non-MN friends are your parents, your husband and your mother-in-law. You are family -- these are not outsiders that you welocmed into your life.
Location: Cleveland bound with MPLS in the rear-view
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I am not attacking you, you know...so feel free to take it down a notch. What I think you don't understand is that I HAVE had to move back to MN and make a whole new set of friends because I lived in a different area. And I agree that it was the most difficult place to make new friends I've ever lived in, but I also found Ohio to be that way. I had to make a monumental effort to break into circles of friends as I got older and in places where I knew nobody. So your experience really doesn't describe MN as much as it does a person who doesn't know anyone in a place where people already know eachother. Denver isn't that great, btw, so you don't have to try to sell it to me....I already think it's alright but I don't dig their culture. I am an outdoorsy person too, so that is irrelevant in this conversation. Maybe you should stop trying to judge everyone and you'll have an easier time getting along with people!
Location: Cleveland bound with MPLS in the rear-view
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Transplant5126
I found this post by searching for the term after I was told about "MN Nice" by a co-worker, I was intrigued seeing I had been living here for a year at the time and was wondering why my husband and I never got invited to Super Bowl parties or the like. I became more interested when I started to see posts depicting how I felt about the ability to make friends here. So I am not here to just gripe and only posted after months of reading to give an outsider perspective to the original poster of this question.
I am not sure what your motive to be on this page is - if all is A-Ok with you and your decision to live here. Why so defensive to comments about how transplants are treated especially when you have no personal basis to make your comments. Please your non-MN friends are your parents, your husband and your mother-in-law. You are family -- these are not outsiders that you welocmed into your life.
My primary motive to ever search in these forums is to learn about what others percieve and maybe learn something new. I also have a profound fascination with urban areas. Other than that, I'll post when I'm bored at work to pass the time.
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