How To Help A Friend Suffering From Depression (depressed, insurance, trigger)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a friend who I suspect is suffering from a form of depression. She's out of work and hasn't been able to find a new job for over a year. Her house is for sale, but she hasn't had any offers despite several price drops. She's reaching the point where she may have to walk away because she can't continue making the payments. (And no, she's not one of those people who got a liar's loan, ARM or interest-only loan. She was one of the responsible ones.) She has no family that she can turn to for help and none of her friends can really do anything either. The lease on her car will expire in a few months. So pretty soon, she'll have no home, no car, and no money. Needless to say, she's under a lot of stress. I've tried to be a supportive friend, helping in whatever ways that I can. But I know there's not a whole I can do. Her moods go up and down. Some days, she's upbeat and hopeful. Other days, she's breaking down in tears, convinced that things'll never get better. I've suggested that she seek professional help. But since she's out of work, she has no insurance and she can't afford to pay for a therapist herself. There are days I get mad at her cause it feels like she has no motivation. I sometimes think she's not trying hard enough to find a job. But I realize that people can't just snap out of depression. She still finds enjoyment in some things like her dogs, good weather, and wine. But other days, she feels like her life has no value in it.
I really don't know what to do and was wondering if anyone here had any suggestions.
My brother/half brother whatever he is is just coming out of major depression. All you can do is offer to be there for them...then make sure to be there when they need you.
Take your friend out for a simple cup of coffee and talk. Do something that will keep them from being alone if possible, the less they can think about their "Issues" the better.
But being a good friend is by far the most important thing you can do. Call often and talk about anything you can think of that they might be interested in. If the depression has an "Anger" side, then maybe some medical attention may be needed by higher up levels...
There is some programs that will help redo the finances on the house because of the fraud that was done on home buyers, you might goggle them. She needs to be proactive verses just waiting for the hammer to fall... The job issue is shared by a lot of people and is still getting worse, so that may be a longer term issue that nobody locally can help with.
Talking to a lawyer about a bankruptcy protection level of some kind may also take a lot of heat off of her too..
Best of luck and keep up the good work on your concern for your friend!
If she is open to counseling or therapy, she can try contacting a Catholic Charities Mental Health clinic. For people without medical insurance they have a sliding scale billing system where they can work out an affordable rate based on her income. It sounds like therapy may help, especially since her situation doesn't seem to have any silver linings right now. The wine she enjoys isn't the best thing for someone suffering from depression, especially if she's drinking more frequently.
Battling depression she needs to relearn her thinking process by eliminating negative thinking, self loathing, or surrounding herself with triggers that sink her deeper into a funk.
She may also want to consult with a career counselor who many be able to help her discover alternative career opportunities that she hasn't considered.
Take your friend out for a simple cup of coffee and talk. Do something that will keep them from being alone if possible, the less they can think about their "Issues" the better.
But being a good friend is by far the most important thing you can do. Call often and talk about anything you can think of that they might be interested in. If the depression has an "Anger" side, then maybe some medical attention may be needed by higher up levels...
This is what I've been doing. I spend a lot of my free time with her, trying to cheer her up, send her job openings, and help her with her house.
Along with feeling depressed, I think she's angry, mainly at herself for ending up in this situation. I keep telling her that it won't do any good to keep beating herself up over whatever mistakes she's made and that she should just focus on getting out of this mess. But when you've run out of hope, it's hard to stay focused on much of anything. She feels like time is passing her by and that she's wasted her life. I try to show her that she has an opportunity to make a fresh start, that once she finds a job and sells the house, she can start over and put her past behind her. But she doesn't really see it that way. Instead, all she can think about is what she's lost or missed out on.
My brother/half brother whatever he is is just coming out of major depression. All you can do is offer to be there for them...then make sure to be there when they need you.
I agree. Just because your friend has these issues, does not mean her life has no value at all. I can't say I have suffered from depression, but when I lost my job, two years ago, I did get very down on myself. I had to change a the way I did a lot of things, not going out as nearly as much. and learning to stretch my dollars more. It is something, given this economy, that is just becoming more and more common.
If she is open to counseling or therapy, she can try contacting a Catholic Charities Mental Health clinic. For people without medical insurance they have a sliding scale billing system where they can work out an affordable rate based on her income. It sounds like therapy may help, especially since her situation doesn't seem to have any silver linings right now. The wine she enjoys isn't the best thing for someone suffering from depression, especially if she's drinking more frequently.
Battling depression she needs to relearn her thinking process by eliminating negative thinking, self loathing, or surrounding herself with triggers that sink her deeper into a funk.
She may also want to consult with a career counselor who many be able to help her discover alternative career opportunities that she hasn't considered.
Unfortunately, she's not open to counseling. She doesn't believe in it despite my best efforts to convince her that it would help.
Her thinking process is definitely a negative one, always glass half-empty. Anytime I try to encourage her, she responds by saying with self-defeating talk.
Tough situation, obviously. I assume that she doesn't get much support from her family, or she doesn't have any. You sound like a good friend, I'm glad she has you. I don't know if I would characterize her present state as depression, as much as it is an honest appraisal of her situation.
The answer, I believe is both simple and difficult. If tomorrow, her problems were to magically disappear then I doubt she would still be hopeless, right? So, how can you help make her problems vanish? might be the real question. Can you bring her in, can you actually get her a job, can you lend her enough to buy her some time to heal, can you effect her situation substantively? The answer to all these questions may be, "No," which may be why you are trying to treat the symptoms instead of getting to the cause. Understand that I in no way mean to lay her problems on your doorstep, but I just want to emphasize that though she could probably be better at preserving her hope despite her problems, (we all could), I think there is hope for her. She needs a door.
Tough situation, obviously. I assume that she doesn't get much support from her family, or she doesn't have any. You sound like a good friend, I'm glad she has you. I don't know if I would characterize her present state as depression, as much as it is an honest appraisal of her situation.
The answer, I believe is both simple and difficult. If tomorrow, her problems were to magically disappear then I doubt she would still be hopeless, right? So, how can you help make her problems vanish? might be the real question. Can you bring her in, can you actually get her a job, can you lend her enough to buy her some time to heal, can you effect her situation substantively? The answer to all these questions may be, "No," which may be why you are trying to treat the symptoms instead of getting to the cause. Understand that I in no way mean to lay her problems on your doorstep, but I just want to emphasize that though she could probably be better at preserving her hope despite her problems, (we all could), I think there is hope for her. She needs a door.
She has no family to turn to. In a lot of ways, I'm her only family. But there are limits to what I can do for her. I can't find her a job, sell her house, or give her back the years that she's lost.
The root cause of her unhappiness is being unemployed. At least if she found a job, she could hold onto her house and get a new car when her lease is up. If she found a job in another city, she'd be forced to walk away from her home. Her credit would take a hit, but in a few years I think it would be OK again. Either way, she'd be better off than she is now. Maybe she'd still be unhappy about some of the things she missed out on, like having kids. But I think in time, she'd get over that.
This may sound cold but tell her to get off her butt. She cant find a job for 1 year? Seriously? I could get a job at mcdonalds, wendys, burger king wahtever. I dont care if its fast food and the pay is crap. Its money in your pocket and its honest. There are temp agencies who will temp out anyone. She finds enjoyment in her wine. Ok stop buying wine and save your money.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
