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I'm 30 and back in 2010, I started dating a woman who was a few years younger than me and went to the same high school. We didn't know each other in school, but she was fun, a good conversationalist, and kept herself up well despite being heavy. I wasn't madly in love, but I did care for her.
After a few years, I moved off but kept in touch occasionally with her. Her mother died suddenly back in 2013 (she found her mom) and obviously she has gone into this depressed state she can't get out of. She was going to go to law school and did well on the LSAT, but that got put on hold - she's working at a clothing store now for slightly over minimum wage and has been there like three years. No real plans to move forward in life or move to an area with a better job market.
I saw her yesterday and was utterly shocked at how she had let things go. She is renting a small efficiency apartment and everything was filthy - the carpet had caked in dog waste on it - the appliances had caked on debris. The bed sheets were wet (likely with dog urine) and there was only one chair and one small bookcase in the whole apartment as furniture. It almost looked some of the terrorist apartments from Europe. The bathroom didn't look like it had been cleaned in months.
She wanted to get intimate but went into the bathroom, told me not to look, but I could see her in the mirror and her legs were nearly as woolly as mine. She came back out with just a tank top and long leggings on, but had arm/armpit hair nearly to the level of the average man. I told her I simply wasn't interested, but not only was I not interested, I was just appalled at how someone who was previously so well kept let herself go, physically and otherwise. Not only was she not taking care of her body, she wasn't taking care of her residence, her vehicle (was in terrible shape on the inside), etc. The whole situation was just disgusting. I am pretty neat and have dated some poor housekeepers, but this was just a whole other level of gross.
There are a lot of mental issues here apparently, but I left extremely depressed she had run herself into the gutter like this. I wished her well and told her I hope that she finds what she is looking for.
Have you ever watched a former love interest deteriorate and fall apart? What did you say or do?
Although certainly not your place, it sounds like she needs a lot of help and support emotionally to me. She sounds very depressed and that she is having an extremely difficult time getting through things.
Not to that extent. Definitely not. That sounds like a serious depression she has going on.
She also claims the only reason she is alive is for her dogs. She has either fallen out with the rest of her family or they're all dead, aside from one grandfather.
Wow, that sounds more than bad. I've never experienced anything lik,e that. I've seen old flames go downhill, but the extent of the slide hkjre describing is in a class by itself. Offhand I'd say this is over your head man. I know it would be over mine.
Sounds like she's pretty much withdrawn and checked out of life. It hasn't been anyone I've known very well nor a former love interest. SImply an acquaintance that I would cross paths with on occassion. Each time we crossed paths it she seemed worse off... it is a deadly cycle of self distruction. In this case, drug addiction was the mode of self destruction.
Unfortunately, there wasn't much any of us can do. When someone withdraws from even the closest members of their circle (family), an acquaintance is usually easily pushed out, cut off, if they try to break the cycle. Breaking that cycle is extremely painful and requires lots of support. They may just not have it in them.... and they have a strong adversion to face it. Heck, we didn't even know her real name... just by a nickname.
You say you know her from H.S. You wouldn't happen to know the family? I would start there. Perhaps they don't know to what extent things have deteriorated.... and have the will to interviene.
I had one that I wasn't as serious with as you were but she was a terrific girl and recently I've found out she's bang on the cocaine and she's lost everything
I didn't want to grill her about it as it wasn't my place to say but it really is a crying shame as she had the lot!!
End of the day as an ex or a friend you can only say so much if she listens but ultimately it's their choice to turn it around.
Instead of being appalled, recognize that severe depressive disorder is a horribly crippling thing.
If it's a person whose well being you care about, offer to be supportive in helping her line up some intervention. It can be very, very hard for severely depressed people to seek help under their own steam. You can't do it for her or force her, but you can offer to be a support (if you want to), or help her find support elsewhere. You're certainly not obligated to do anything, of course.
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