When you see a former love interest deteriorating..
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She wanted to get intimate but went into the bathroom, told me not to look, but I could see her in the mirror and her legs were nearly as woolly as mine. She came back out with just a tank top and long leggings on, but had arm/armpit hair nearly to the level of the average man. I told her I simply wasn't interested, but not only was I not interested, I was just appalled at how someone who was previously so well kept let herself go, physically and otherwise.
Women grow hair, get over it. I never shaved and our sex life is great with my husband. Don't be so shallow jerk to keep womens natural body hair "manly". It grows, it is there, it is meant to grow, it is in genes, body hair belongs to a woman.
It's not about leg hair, it's about a shift in mental state, of which her greatly decreased grooming standards appear to be only one of many indications.
I would also suspect that seeking sexual intimacy with a long past ex one only has a passing acquaintanceship with, despite an emotional state resulting in pretty serious personal squalor also spirals to real emotional instability.
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 05-31-2016 at 09:33 AM..
Did you go there planning to have sex with this woman and changed your mind because of aesthetic reasons? When I got to the part of the story where you two had agreed to have sex, after everything you had said about her, I was truly shocked. I hope you do not make a habit of exploiting vulnerable, mentally ill women who have better hygiene.
Women grow hair, get over it. I never shaved and our sex life is great with my husband. Don't be so shallow jerk to keep womens natural body hair "manly". It grows, it is there, it is meant to grow, it is in genes, body hair belongs to a woman.
It becomes an issue when it shows her behavior degrading - in addition to a filthy apt., etc., etc. Don't just dwell on a single detail and disregard the bigger picture - that's not helpful.
To the OP - be very careful....she could easily drown you if you get too involved. You can point her to resources and maybe let some of her family know, but be careful. You're a good person and sometimes good people get used as life preservers.
It's not about leg hair, it's about a shift in mental state, of which her greatly decreased grooming standards appear to be only one of many indications.
The poor grooming is a symptom of a larger problem. Obviously she's depressed about her mother and likely her finances/career. I am not in the best of shape financially myself but I have good furniture, possessions, etc. - I am not at the bottom of the pit she's in. She is an only child and hasn't talked to her father in fifteen years.
Back when I first met her, she was eager to go to law school, did well in school, etc., but after her mother died, she can't seem to get out of this rut. Instead of going to law school, she's just gone around between different jobs she had throughout college.
She'll be 27 in September and is no longer in the new grad pool, nor particularly young anymore. If she's going to make life improvements and not stay in this rut forever, she has to figure out what's troubling her and do something about it. She's drinking fairly heavily now (has left me drunk voicemails at 2-4 AM) and has talked suicide aside from having her dogs to live for.
We had been talking the last few weeks about her mother's estate and that she seemed to want help with, but in person she didn't have any of the facts straight or any documentation. I thought something might have been there but seeing her in that condition just made me feel sorry for her.
The poor grooming is a symptom of a larger problem. Obviously she's depressed about her mother and likely her finances/career. I am not in the best of shape financially myself but I have good furniture, possessions, etc. - I am not at the bottom of the pit she's in. She is an only child and hasn't talked to her father in fifteen years.
Back when I first met her, she was eager to go to law school, did well in school, etc., but after her mother died, she can't seem to get out of this rut. Instead of going to law school, she's just gone around between different jobs she had throughout college.
She'll be 27 in September and is no longer in the new grad pool, nor particularly young anymore. If she's going to make life improvements and not stay in this rut forever, she has to figure out what's troubling her and do something about it. She's drinking fairly heavily now (has left me drunk voicemails at 2-4 AM) and has talked suicide aside from having her dogs to live for.
We had been talking the last few weeks about her mother's estate and that she seemed to want help with, but in person she didn't have any of the facts straight or any documentation. I thought something might have been there but seeing her in that condition just made me feel sorry for her.
If you really believe she is a friend, you need to talk to her about this. I think her offering you to come over was probably a cry for help.
If she has a health plan suggest she contact the mental health division. The number is usually listed right on the insurance card. She needs to see a professional. Needs. 27 isn't exactly over the hill or too late to resolve. There are resources out there but depression is tough because when you're in it you don't always realize it, and you don't know that there is help out there.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
She'll be 27 in September and is no longer in the new grad pool, nor particularly young anymore.
27 isn't young? I consider that a kid.
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