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If you have depression or anxiety, when did you realize you might need some help managing it? Was it due to a certain event? Did someone point it out to you?
I know it is a broad question but I just wanted to see how everyone else's experiences have been.
I am not depressed per se but extremely anxious and I am almost 100% certain it is due to things that have happened in my life (abandoned by my parents, abusive marriage etc) and my environment/routine as a whole. Stress should be my middle name. I work full-time, go to school full-time (Political Science/pre-law) and I am a single mom to a toddler - the father is not in the picture and hasn't been since she was 1 (she's about to turn 3) and sometimes I feel like I am going to collapse from exhaustion. I don't sleep well at night, I feel lucky when I am able to sleep a full night without waking up. (About twice every 2 or 3 weeks).
I also am one of those stress eaters and it doesn't help that I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I lost a lot of weight last year, I was motivated and working out 6 times a week. Then I got sick and had to be hospitalized. I was sick for 6 weeks. After 2 trips to the ER, I found out I had been infected with a virus that could have ended up killing me. Thankfully it seems that my body has cleared it out. Several blood tests later and dealing with two specialists my prognosis is pretty good and I won't need further treatment. But that experience turned my world upside down and I thought that I was going to die. I panicked and had crying spells for almost 2 months because I was so scared. The last thing I want is to leave my toddler without a mother.
I am not as concerned about that illness anymore because the doctors have told me I am fine but I am still stressed over my daily routine. It seems like I can't enjoy life anymore. Whenever anything happens the first thing I do is panic and my anxiety goes through the roof. I might be starting group therapy in a couple weeks. I think it might help but at the same time I am not sure.
When I was a caretaker I found that joining a caretaker's group gave me a good look into the unique situations of each member. The leader had a practical, calm personality, but at the same time she made it clear without sounding like a martyr the things she was going through. I think the group therapy is worth a try. I hope your group is communicative and pleasant to be around.
I understand fear even after the fact. After my father died I was always scared that something would happen to my new husband. I still worry about him, of course, but I believe that I am not as anxious as I was.
I was aware of my mood swings back in high school. But as I knew how they behaved, I had ways of getting around it. They were already predictable and haven't changed. When life fell apart I was diagnosed as bp2. Meds put me into permenant manic and there were medical problems so I'm off them and back to managing with behavioral things I know work, at least enough I am not dissatisfied with life.
That I have done this before successfully gave me the confidence to drop the meds. I was having much greater problems with other medical concerns and those have improved without the meds. If I can listen to the right music and it kicks me out of downer its much better. I cycled even on the meds as well, just manic and almot manic.
If it is a possibility financially, I would get INDIVIDUAL therapy if I were you. And actually, I can totally relate to your post. You are carrying a very heavy load, plus you have stuff from the past that is making you anxious. Do you take any meds to help with the anxiety/depression? Good luck to you. Hang in there.
My girlfriend told me when I was just around 25-30 years old. She told me there were pills for it and I should go to a doctor and ask for some. I agreed. The doctor told me some of the symptoms of depression and I had most of them.
I would have never even tried to get help if someone had not told me to. I didn't think I was depressed, I thought I hated being alive and was exhausted from that. I would have never of thought that I could be helped.
I'm wondering if you're suffering from PTSD from the virus, yikes, that is scary though! As for before, I wonder if it's just stress? I know my life used to be like that, full of stress, not sleeping well, etc. I just assumed it was me doing too much for too long. I would never have thought it was depression (still don't).
For myself, I happened to be seeing a therapist to try to get my life in order, help me with some past issues, etc, when she diagnosed me with PTSD after a bad car accident. The weird thing was, what I felt is what I felt for a large part of my life, so we really dug into it. She believes I have been on/off depressed for most of my life. Sad. So I never even realized I was depressed, I just thought that was normal.
My last episode, well, I knew it was bad when I just wasn't coping with simple things. Someone would say something to me at work, although I wouldn't snap at them, I'd lose it other ways. Honestly, as bad off as I was this last time, you know you need help, when emotionally and mentally you just feel like you have completely lost it and that the word crazy and psychotic would describe you very easily.
But, I'm thinking what you're looking for, is an answer from someone who hasn't been depressed on/off for most of their life. You probably are wondering about it as something new. And that is why I wonder if you're suffering from PTSD and obviously the anxiety of your near-death experience and what that means for your child.
Years ago , at age 18 , I checked myself into an institution following a suicide attempt. I was in the process of jumping from an overpass , and a transit driver saw me and grabbed me at the last minute. In the hospital , I was diagnosed as having major depression , and was confined there for 3 weeks. Seeing others involuntarily placed onto hand trucks with straightjackets somewhat placed things into perspective , until I met this girl who was also a patient. We became close , and were released on a day pass one day. Went to visit my aunt and cousin(who was a musty , non showering for 3 months crack addict). She was fully released prior to my discharge , and covertly began screwing around with my cousin. My cousin knew my intent with her , but dismissed it and proceeded with the debauchery. After I was released , I found out about the trysts(even with my aunt present) , and grabbed a hatchet. Having no car or busfare , I was headed out the door to walk 15 miles across the city to kill them all. Luckily , my late uncle stopped me and told me she wasn't worth it , especially if she was attracted to someone with a painfully obvious drug habit who 'smelled like onions and garlic left to rot for 3 weeks'. I cried for several hours , went to sleep , and awakened the following day still angry. When I saw her again , she told me she tried to drive her car , and 3 year old son , off of an overpass. That sealed the deal for me , and now 16 years later , I wouldn't consider myself as depressed per se , but I still have my moments , especially when faced with a situation that seems hopeless. I stopped the Prozac without permission , due to the fact they gave me heartburn and left me unable to form coherent thought patterns , like fast forwarding a videotape. Haven't seen her since 1998 , the cousin was sent to prison in 1999 , and was released in 2007. I've forgiven him , given his mental state at the time , but sitting here typing this brings back bad memories. However , my life at present , albeit not perfect , is at least an order of magnitude better than it was at that time. I never attempted to date anymore afterwards. Now , I pretty much travel when I'm not working , and do so solo , nothing like it!! I'm sure the depression remains , my mood fluctuates a lot at times , and I worry too much about things beyond my control. Regarding your situation , perhaps you should find a relaxing hobby you and your child can engage together , such as hiking. I'm assuming you have/are currently serving in a military organization , perhaps those skills could be applied to your current conundrum. Whatever you end up doing , think of your child first. I've read a few of your stories , such as the one regarding moving to or from Colorado , and you seem like a rather headstrong person. Use that recalcitrance as an advantage.
If you have depression or anxiety, when did you realize you might need some help managing it? Was it due to a certain event? Did someone point it out to you?
I know it is a broad question but I just wanted to see how everyone else's experiences have been.
I am not depressed per se but extremely anxious and I am almost 100% certain it is due to things that have happened in my life (abandoned by my parents, abusive marriage etc) and my environment/routine as a whole. Stress should be my middle name. I work full-time, go to school full-time (Political Science/pre-law) and I am a single mom to a toddler - the father is not in the picture and hasn't been since she was 1 (she's about to turn 3) and sometimes I feel like I am going to collapse from exhaustion. I don't sleep well at night, I feel lucky when I am able to sleep a full night without waking up. (About twice every 2 or 3 weeks).
I also am one of those stress eaters and it doesn't help that I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I lost a lot of weight last year, I was motivated and working out 6 times a week. Then I got sick and had to be hospitalized. I was sick for 6 weeks. After 2 trips to the ER, I found out I had been infected with a virus that could have ended up killing me. Thankfully it seems that my body has cleared it out. Several blood tests later and dealing with two specialists my prognosis is pretty good and I won't need further treatment. But that experience turned my world upside down and I thought that I was going to die. I panicked and had crying spells for almost 2 months because I was so scared. The last thing I want is to leave my toddler without a mother.
I am not as concerned about that illness anymore because the doctors have told me I am fine but I am still stressed over my daily routine. It seems like I can't enjoy life anymore. Whenever anything happens the first thing I do is panic and my anxiety goes through the roof. I might be starting group therapy in a couple weeks. I think it might help but at the same time I am not sure.
Sorry for the rambling. I have lots on my mind.
KickAss,
Read through your post, as if someone else wrote it. It's not hard to see all the different 'stressors' that person has to cope with, right?
You asked about others experience with depression and anxiety, but it's clear you're scrambling for some relief from what sounds like constant discomfort in your life, so I want to give you some feedback.
My depression started in my teens, and it was severe, but it has been episodic throughout my life (comes and goes), and I've tried to be proactive about it: understanding what kind of things can trigger it for me, recognizing the symptoms that I'm starting to get depressed so I can take action, see a doctor, change meds, etc. Basically, it's like dealing with any health condition that you know you need to be mindful of:
1. recognize what's in your control, and what you can do. -how your lifestyle affects your condition. Smoking aggravates asthma, too many stressors create anxiety that needs to be 'released', isolation can worsen depression and other mental health conditions, etc.
2. recognize what's not in your control. genetics, single parent, diabetes, mental illnesses
I intentionally separated mental health conditions from mental illnesses, although thats not an official distinction. But when it comes to emotional states that everyone experiences (sadness, anxiety, anger, happiness), it's hard to know when it's not normal. When it's abnormal, it's either too much or too little, or inappropriate, like when somebody just loses it over something trivial. It's indicative that something's not working somewhere. Like anger that doesn't get expressed, and it eats at the person holding it in.
I have major depressive disorder, a mental illness that fits a profile, like age of onset often in teens or 20s, long term, not a single episode, not related to specific issues or situations. Basically, the diagnosis matches.
Stress is part of life, and no one can get rid of stress completely. Excitement is stress too.
But YOUR life is overdosed with stressors, so there's your obvious problem. It doesn't matter now, if its a lasting illness or not, because either way those stressors need to be addressed.
Stress reduction is an industry in itself, because it's so prevalent. Exercise, meditation, guided relaxation cds, yoga, therapy, --all ways to RELEASE some of the stress built up inside.
Medication: it's a choice- YOURS (no matter what docs say!). If you get so keyed up that you can't function, it might help for a few months, but you still have to do your work. If you don't like the idea of drugs, keep searching. People are out there with lots of tools that help them. *For me, my meds were my relief! -but I'M the one who weighs. the pros and cons, and then decides.
So, yeah, go to therapy. Keep asking what else is out there, and try what you think might help. And a therapist, or friend can often see things you're missing--if you're willing to ask, AND willing to hear the truth.
Good luck on your path.
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