LA dating & culture differences there vs everywhere else (San Francisco: buyer, living in)

[SpaceMonkyPunks]

Originally Posted by ElysianEagle

for a significant population of men, bars and lounges are their best shot at talking to as many attractive women as possible, in a short span of time. i honestly don't think you'll be able to 100% avoid any and all advances, and truth be told, i bet you would rather get at least some attention (and thus validation and a sense that you've still "got it"), as opposed to being completely ignored, amirite? a little flattery can only boost your ego i mean i've met women in the past who made the same complaint as yours, but many, if not all, did miss the attention after a while

my suggestion to you would be to bring up the word "husband" or "hubby" in the first few minutes of meeting a guy. this sends a loud and clear signal to anyone that you're off the market. not every guy will notice the wedding ring, especially if it's dark, or he's drunk, or for whatever reason the ring is obstructed from view.

for instance, you can say something like, "oh! that reminds me of what my husband was saying the other day". if the guy still doesn't get it and is lingering around, you can step it up and say, "you know, it's been a while since we all hung out and we have a lot of catching up to do. it was really sweet of you to come up and say hi, tho! you have a great night".

finally, if he's STILL being obnoxious, you've done your best to be polite and at this point it's perfectly fair for you to be rude.

Haha good point, I typically do bring up my husband if he isn't around As for the wedding band, I honestly think it's hard to miss, but maybe that's just me...I always hold my drink in my left hand by nature, so I'm typically holding the ring up in clear view.

I understand no one means any harm by it, but some people are just really pushy and it can be a little intimidating. That's probably the last thing you want a woman to feel around you. In Phoenix I've found some men are like this, but overall most are more respectful, I was hoping it wouldn't be too different in LA.

[415_s2k]

Originally Posted by SpaceMonkyPunks

Haha good point, I typically do bring up my husband if he isn't around As for the wedding band, I honestly think it's hard to miss, but maybe that's just me...I always hold my drink in my left hand by nature, so I'm typically holding the ring up in clear view.

I understand no one means any harm by it, but some people are just really pushy and it can be a little intimidating. That's probably the last thing you want a woman to feel around you. In Phoenix I've found some men are like this, but overall most are more respectful, I was hoping it wouldn't be too different in LA.

My ex fiance would get it pretty often when she was out with friends, but would usually shut it down by relating something the guy was talking about to me. She wore the ring, but that's generally not much of a deterrent, because lots of women in LA who are single do this to keep guys at bay. Some guys see it as a challenege... but most will get the idea and step off if you mention your husband. If you continue to talk about him for a few minutes, they'll really get it.

[disgruntled la native]

Originally Posted by SpaceMonkyPunks

Haha, skimming over this thread has been pretty interesting! I have a related question now, after hearing all this whining about women...let me turn the tables for a moment.

Are guys in LA pushy and overbearing when it comes to trying to met women in bars? Is it possible for taken/married/etc. women to have a ladies night out without having to be constantly hassled? Because really, that's the worst kind of annoying.

I'm married and we're moving to LA soon. Personally, I enjoy an occasional night out with co-workers or female friends, but really do get a bit irritated when men try to approach me when I'm clearly off the market (ie wearing a wedding band, not dressed like I'm on the prowl, etc.)

If you really wanna have a ladies night out and be left a lone, just have dinner at a high end restaurant. A sit down restaurant that's not known for a late lounge/bar scene (i.e., closes by 10 or 11 pm). You ladies who go out to a meat market lounge (no matter how "classy" it may be) at midnight and expect not to get hit on are delusional.

[moonsparkle]

I may have mentioned this before, but it's one of the strange things about the midwest. It's acceptable to be metro, but there's a certain threshold you can't cross unless you want your sexuality questioned, especially past 24-25. Metro is basically just dressing well and wearing clothes that fits, when you care about looking "dapper", you've taken it too far.

A lot of guys who are very metro are typically better looking in the slightly androgynous sense, which almost always equates gay in the midwest. Still, for some reason, hipsters can dress however they want and no one thinks much of it.

The main thing is, a very metro, but not hipster guy is hard to categorize. Also, it's confusing to people if you are very metro but also have a masculine personality in the midwest. It almost makes them mad because they want to categorize you as gay but they can't.

[Tex?Il?]

Originally Posted by trancedout

I may have mentioned this before, but it's one of the strange things about the midwest. It's acceptable to be metro, but there's a certain threshold you can't cross unless you want your sexuality questioned, especially past 24-25. Metro is basically just dressing well and wearing clothes that fits, when you care about looking "dapper", you've taken it too far.

A lot of guys who are very metro are typically better looking in the slightly androgynous sense, which almost always equates gay in the midwest. Still, for some reason, hipsters can dress however they want and no one thinks much of it.

The main thing is, a very metro, but not hipster guy is hard to categorize. Also, it's confusing to people if you are very metro but also have a masculine personality in the midwest. It almost makes them mad because they want to categorize you as gay but they can't.

Very true. On several points. And even though you have mentioned this before, I can always back you up and attest to this.

Its interesting the comment you made about "especially past 24-25" in the midwest. For some reason I always remember even in my small "podunk" midwest college town that I went to school at guys dressing stylishly, (maybe similarly like members of a boy band or something) were often very popular with the ladies more so than some of the hip, trendy, young adult dominated neighborhoods of Chicago!

And it basically comes down to age group I think. And yes there is a lot of categorizing. And you see this midwestern categorization in the way that the neighborhoods are broken down in Chicago: you know this is the hipster neighborhood for those who have money, this is the REAL hipster neighborhood who actually are struggling, this is the frat-boy jock neighborhood, this is the gay neighborhood, this is the suit wearing, finance-working yuppy neighborhood, these are the blue-collared, native/generational, heavy accented city worker neighborhood. For whatever faults LA has is not like that. If you easily fit into already existing social category, then you can have an awesome social life in Chicago.

And I can again, personally testify to your last comment. I went home for two weeks for the holidays. I metup with some friends of mine where a couple of us ultimately went dancing. Well this one woman who I didn't know before that night, at the end of the night told me that she seriously thought I was gay at first. I was wearing a white zipper sweatshirt/track jacket with a salmon-orange colored t-shirt underneath. I guess she thought the combination of white plus something bright-colored like that set off her gaydar, but then my mannerisms were nothing close to gay. Another guy she was chatting with at the bar apparently thought I was too. I wear the same outfit in LA, and I get compliments from women. Back in the midwest, I also set off peoples' gaydar wearing a sweater vest in the past too.

Again, these maybe individual incidences. In the Chicago area, I mostly only set off the gaydar that easily, by people with a typical "Chicago" working class accent that grew up in the "old school neighborhoods". The more neutral accented suburbanites are fine, as well as most middle class minorities. I always found in the midwest, upper middle class African Americans were often more fashionable than their Caucasian/white counterparts.

[moonsparkle]

Seems to be normal in the midwest, past age 25 start dressing "like a man". Go into H&M or something...mainly gay guys and hipsters, regular straight men just aren't supposed to be stylish and it's few & far in between. Lots of high schoolers/college age though.

It is interesting that throughout high school and college a lot of guys in the midwest care about trends, but I've noticed people in the midwest typically get more "midwestern" as they get older.

Even the Russian/Polish/Italian guys who usually take pride in their style seem to not care as much as they get older.

[Tex?Il?]

Originally Posted by trancedout

Seems to be normal in the midwest, past age 25 start dressing "like a man". Go into H&M or something...mainly gay guys and hipsters, regular straight men just aren't supposed to be stylish and it's few & far in between. Lots of high schoolers/college age though.

It is interesting that throughout high school and college a lot of guys in the midwest care about trends, but I've noticed people in the midwest typically get more "midwestern" as they get older.

Even the Russian/Polish/Italian guys who usually take pride in their style seem to not care as much as they get older.

Very true. For this reason, small college towns in the midwest feel a lot more "hip and cool" than the larger cities. Its the youthfulness.

I even say here in LA, that the midwest is tops as far as college town life goes, and is the midwest subculture were I would say most Californians would feel most culturally akin to. (IE: Madison, Iowa City, Ann Arbor) as well as of course select neighborhoods in the larger cities.

[bmwguydc]

LA may be a bit more competitive, to be sure, but it's not impossible to meet someone genuine. I met my ex-fiancée in LA, and she was raised in Coastal OC, which can be just as bad as the Westside. For some strange reason, I have always attracted the attention of the upscale divorced mothers, going back to my early 20s, i.e., the checkout line at Bristol Farms, Gelson's or Whole Foods is where they are likely to strike up a conversation with me, and/or suggest getting coffee, dinner, Jamba Juice.

My ex says that I have always projected a very stable and sober vibe, and that they can sense that, especially when they have a young child to support/raise. I took to being sure to drive as non-family a vehicle as possible when running errands, thinking that would throw them off the trail, but alas, the divorced, in-shape mothers who have had a louse of a husband get a sense of calm stability in my presence, especially when they find out I am not from LA/OC.

While LA is a different game for some, you can sort through the superficial potential partners and seek out a quality relationship through common interests, etc., which is similar to many other places. The difference in LA is that there is a subset that is very attracted to aesthetic beauty in a partner, part of the cultural fabric of the city, just as the attraction to money in NYC, power in DC, and intellectualism in Boston are key factors of those cities. Right or wrong, it just is, but even with that dominant characteristic at the extreme, hence the stereotypes, it's absolutely possible to find a good person.

[California-Dreaming]

I personally have not experienced the superficial and judgmental types that supposedly LA is known for. I have met a nice down to earth girl every time I am in town just to shoot the breeze with.

Granted I live in Utah and here you have to really look around to find places to socialize. Most that go to bars are the extreme partiers (Jersey Shore wannabes) that have nothing to show for themselves. Everyone here is married by the age of 22 if your male and 19 if you are female as the church culture really pushes it. So everyone you meet is either bullying you into a marriage or has no life outside of alcohol and fist pumping. LA is a breath of fresh air to me personally.

[moonsparkle]

So there's a "Salt Lake Shore" in Utah?? Doesn't seem very well known.