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Hello everyone, this topic isn't about romantic relationships necessarily but also platonic love, friendships, familial love, etc
I'm nineteen years old and last weekend my friend was murdered. This isn't the first time someone I know has passed away but it is the first time someone I love has had their life intentionally stolen. She was nineteen, she was the most beautiful, most gentle soul I've ever come across, and she was stabbed in her home and left to die in a pool of her own blood.
I know we hear about murders all the time in the media and on the news etc, so that as a society we've become a little bit blase and jaded about it, but this is the first time in my entire life I can actually appreciate how evil and low some people are... I am struggling to accept how a human being, with thoughts and feelings and loved ones of their own, could do this to another.
I would hate to think that anyone here has been in my situation and knows what I'm going through, but if you do... how did you move on? How did you let go of the hurt and the hate that you carry around in your heart? People are telling me that when her murderer is caught, things will get easier, but I don't see how that's possible. I have never felt so much hatred for someone in my life and there is no possible way that hatred will ever go away. Not unless they can bring back my friend. I need help and advice on how to carry on.
In 2006 , a close friend of mine was shot down in front of his family by his cousin , who had held a grudge due to losing a fight between the two in 2003. It was hard , to say the least. This was the first time I'd ever driven my car in a funeral procession. Even now , I haven't gotten over it. One coping mechanism I've picked up as a result is fishing. I recalled he would fish from time to time , but I never joined him. I guess one could say I've taken it to extremes , because I go every weekend. Before my car broke down , I'd go 5 days a week. I think about him alot but have been hesitant to visit his relatives because being at that house reminded me too much of that day. The bulletholes are still present. Even typing this now makes me sad , so I know what you're dealing with. The only thing I can tell you is to grieve and spend alot of time solo to attempt at finding some shred of solace or closure. Eventually , you'll get over it , but it will be a long time until you do. Just remember to keep her alive in memory and it will almost be like she is right there with you.
Condolences for your loss.
I know how you're feeling. My parents were shot down like dogs in the street. They just arrived home from a function when two goons ran up on them with gauges and shot them twice, one in the head and the other in the back, they died instantly. My parents were cool folks that I was very close with. They were like surrogate parents to many of the inner-city children in my neighborhood. While I don't wish death on no one, they got what came to them in meeting the same fate; some thugs erased them off the earth due to a personal grudge. In a way, that was street justice for me.
While I don't have any similar situation to share - the best I can tell you is that time will help (so I've heard).
Perhaps do something in your friends honor? Something that would have meant something to her (helping a cause, ect). It could be something you and others could do to remember her and celebrate her life and make a positive impact in her honor.
I've had several friends and an ex-girlfriend who were murdered. But the one that haunted me the most was one that actually survived.
I watched my best friend take a bullet in his back one night. Happened right in front of me after we were jumped on the way to the subway at Union Square. The shooters never knew him nor I, we were random targets. Immediately after they shot him, they turned their guns on me and chased me up a busy Manhattan street firing shots past my head. I'll never forget the screams that came from my friend. He screamed my name over and over, while blood filled his lungs and he gargled my name. The bullet had pierced his liver and lung. I had never heard a human being scream with that sort of fear, pain, and desperation in their voice.
I was fortunate enough to outrun my assailants and find help for my friend. He survived after being brought back to life several times on the operating table. While detectives were interviewing me, they were telling me he was already dead and I better tell them what I know. They were real bastards. Eventually they tried to persuade me to pin the shooting on two other guys they had caught with guns who they were trying to get on something else but couldn't. I refused.
My friend survived, but then ten years later almost died again from complications due to a blockage in his intestines from his original surgery. They had to remove his small intestine and he nearly died on the operating table. The shooters were never caught, and to this day I can see their faces like it was yesterday.
You're friends murder will stay with you forever. It's not something you'll ever forget, and if her murderer is caught, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll feel any better about it, especially if that person doesn't get as stiff a penalty as they deserve. When one of my ex-girlfriends was stabbed to death, they immediately arrested her killer. It didn't ease the shock and pain of the loss, but I guess being able to put a face to the crime helps you to sleep better at night knowing that her killer isn't out there partying and possibly taking another life.
If you were tragically killed, how would you want your friends to go on? Would you want them to be haunted for life, angry, filled with hate? If so, for how long? What you are feeling right now is normal. Go ahead feel the hate and anger until you are ready to let it go. It will take time to get though the grieving process. There is no set timeline, some heal faster than others. It may be worth finding someone to talk to about this, someone impartial who did not know your friend.
This my friend, is something that will take time, and you will go thru many different emotions trust me on this. I have had many friends, and some family members who were murdered. There will be anger and disgust, hatred, and you just wanting the person to pay for what they have done. Some People want closure, but there will never be, because as long as you are alive and can think, you will never forget, as time go's by, the wounds will heal, but will always be a part of you. One thing that may help, is happy memories with your friend, have a trbute for her. Write a poem about her. Maybe talk to others who have gone thru the same thing that you are dealing with at present. You may even lose some fate, and wonder how this could of happen. The People you surround yourself with, can also, help you with your feelings. You cannot just snap a finger, and have this go away, time will make it easy, but this kind of grief will never go away, but it will get easier.
My friend of over 20 years was murdered by her own son, a boy I watched grow up and I loved him just as much as I loved her. He choked the life out of her, then set the house on fire to cover it up. He had never married and loved his Mother dearly, they did everything together and he often told us he wouldn't marry until he found a woman exactly like his Mom. They were so close!
I almost went crazy when I found out he'd killed her. For one thing, I lost 2 friends that night and the other was if he loved his Mother that much and still killed her, are any of us safe from our own children? This has had a profound effect on me! Even though it was over 8 years ago, I still can not sleep without a light on and will always wonder if my own kids could do that to me.
I went through a long time of just trying to figure out how I felt about HIM after he did this.. He and I were close for a long time and I still don't know how I feel about him. Part of me still loves him, part of me HATES him. April is upon us now, her birthday was in April and he killed her 2 days before her birthday, never does a April go by that I don't go through all this again. It has become easier to live with but I will never get over the night I lost both of them... He was arrested before her funeral and is now doing life. I will always wonder what was so broken between them that this happened? I will never understand it...
I'm so sorry to read about your loss, jack, as well as everyone else's. I have lost people and been angry as a result, but not for this reason. Still, I imagine that time is what it takes to get past it, or at least learn to live with it. Wish I had more comforting words, but you really just have to go through the process and rely on those closest to you to help you through it.
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