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I think it depends entirely on the parent. A mature, well rounded and emotionally giving single mom/dad would fine -- again, not ideal as having two parents in the home can bring a much needed break. But, single moms/dads can and do raise good kids.
The problems with single parenthood arise with teen moms. While I am sure that there are some good teen moms out there, I would think that most of them are too immature to do the job right.
I grew up with only a mother. Never met my father even as a baby. I think the importance of a parent really depends on the childs gender. My mom, though a great mother, couldnt teach me how to be a man. She taught me to be a kind thoughtful person, but there were certain things i missed out on. I took up father figures that were not only not the best rolemodels but that were never intending to be that sort of thing. Like wise i could imagin a single father would have troubles raising a woman. They have thier ideas of what the other sex should be, but they were always looking from the otherside of the fence.
I grew up with only a mother. Never met my father even as a baby. I think the importance of a parent really depends on the childs gender. My mom, though a great mother, couldnt teach me how to be a man. She taught me to be a kind thoughtful person, but there were certain things i missed out on. I took up father figures that were not only not the best rolemodels but that were never intending to be that sort of thing. Like wise i could imagin a single father would have troubles raising a woman. They have thier ideas of what the other sex should be, but they were always looking from the otherside of the fence.
Sorry to hear you didn't know your father. I think it effects each gender in a different way. W/out Fathers I notice women have lots of relationship/psychological problems. With men they seem to be withdrawn, a bit shy/antisocial and lacking in basic socializing skills. This has been my observation.
I think it depends entirely on the parent. A mature, well rounded and emotionally giving single mom/dad would fine -- again, not ideal as having two parents in the home can bring a much needed break. But, single moms/dads can and do raise good kids.
The problems with single parenthood arise with teen moms. While I am sure that there are some good teen moms out there, I would think that most of them are too immature to do the job right.
No one can argue about teen moms who are much more likely to not have a father in the picture soon after. If you have a stable single parent at home it is certainly better than an unstable one. However even the greatest Mother in the world cannot replace the role of a father. The kids may grow up to be great but I think the chances are greatly decreased.
No one can argue about teen moms who are much more likely to not have a father in the picture soon after. If you have a stable single parent at home it is certainly better than an unstable one. However even the greatest Mother in the world cannot replace the role of a father. The kids may grow up to be great but I think the chances are greatly decreased.
I agree that I don't think its ideal, but it is workable. Especially if the single parent makes an effort to have their child have contact with an opposite sex role model whether it be a grandparent, aunt/uncle, cousin or very close family friend. It is doable, but it would take more effort then in a two parent home.
I think with single mothers, especially ones who no longer date, they generally give the impression that guys are bad even if its unintentual. This is probably why males are generally more shy and females have lower standards or are confused about what to really look for in a man. I guess it could also cause some what of a paranoia, but i think generally children with single parents are more prone to mentall illness. While an interesting obsevation i made is that generally teen boys favor their mothers and teen girls favor their fathers, it is also noticable that generally the parent of the same sex as the child has the most effect on what kind of adult that child will be.
As a single mom with almost no involvement by his father, I know that a child can't miss what they've never had. A solid parent is a solid parent regardless of gender, at any stage of a child's life. It would be ideal to have mom and dad in the picture, IF they were good parents and that is becoming a rarity these days. And a good single parent is better than two crappy parents any day.
Society is becoming more and more deficient when it comes to family values and morals, so I don't put any stock in the 'two parents make a whole" theory. I see way too many kids with both parents involved that are felonies waiting to happen.
Speaking from the POV of someone with 2 mentally-ill parents, I think the nuclear family is way too unstable a structure in itself. You have to look at extended-family support, other natural supports like friends and neighbors and agency supports like the availability of school loans and AFDC.
You also have to bear in mind the family and regional culture. A family with two parents and healthy, well-cared-for kids who believe that crime pays and that you should manage your moods with drugs and alcohol is STILL headed for a cliff.
I think it greatly depends on the sex of the child. I know a single father who is the parent of two kids, a boy (9) and a girl (14), clearly (and he knows this) the daughter is lacking having a positive female role model in her life (the mother is out of the picture) and she does voice this to him and he discusses it with her. By his own admittance he can't be both parents all the time but does a pretty good job.
I on the other hand am also a single parent of a boy (19) and a girl (20) and I raised them primarily by myself from the time they were 2 and 4. Their father has been in the picture but 70% of the time it has just been me. I do believe my son lacked having a father figure around much of that time but I did my best to accomodate them both.
So, again, I think it really heavily relies on the sex of the child, their age and the parent doing the raising. Interesting theory though....
(for the record, I grew up without a father, he died when I was very young and it was my mother and me for many years after his death) I didn't miss having a man in my life.
As a single mom with almost no involvement by his father, I know that a child can't miss what they've never had.
Oh yes they can. No matter how good of a parent you are, a child needs guidance by the other as well. There are no two ways about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
Society is becoming more and more deficient when it comes to family values and morals, so I don't put any stock in the 'two parents make a whole" theory.
It isn't a matter of making a whole. It's that boys learn about relationships with girls and women by interacting with men. Girls, the same. As someone said, a mother can't teach a boy how to be a man. Only fathers or other men can do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
He's grown and gone now. I'm certainly not a man, but I had to do the work. He didn't miss not having a father because that was all he knew. But I was very aware of how raising a boy could go if I didn't balance being the mom with being the fishing/camping/football buddy. He had my brother and my dad as positive role models, but he had me day to day. So I had to mold myself to the situation.
Perhaps he didn't miss not having a father, but there were men in his life who could teach him. You didn't do it all by yourself. Your dad and brother did more than you realize for your son.
Quote:
Originally Posted by allah truth
I grew up with only a mother. My mom, though a great mother, couldnt teach me how to be a man. She taught me to be a kind thoughtful person, but there were certain things i missed out on. I took up father figures that were not only not the best rolemodels but that were never intending to be that sort of thing.
Exactly. No matter how much a mother loves her child, she cannot be a father.
Quote:
Originally Posted by camping!
I agree that I don't think its ideal, but it is workable. Especially if the single parent makes an effort to have their child have contact with an opposite sex role model whether it be a grandparent, aunt/uncle, cousin or very close family friend. It is doable, but it would take more effort then in a two parent home.
This is extremely important.
Quote:
Originally Posted by allah truth
I think with single mothers, especially ones who no longer date, they generally give the impression that guys are bad even if its unintentual. This is probably why males are generally more shy and females have lower standards or are confused about what to really look for in a man. I guess it could also cause some what of a paranoia, but i think generally children with single parents are more prone to mentall illness. While an interesting obsevation i made is that generally teen boys favor their mothers and teen girls favor their fathers, it is also noticable that generally the parent of the same sex as the child has the most effect on what kind of adult that child will be.
This is the truth.
I did a lot of research on this topic in college, and raised two girls with absolutely no father or man in either of their lives (not on purpose). That, along with my own life experience and observing others around me, I can say that no matter how good a job one parent does, the other sex MUST have some sort of foothold in any child's life.
Kids DO lack and suffer if deprived of a healthy, nurturing relationship with the opposite sex. They grow up with a different sense of relationships and themselves than kids who grow up with both influences in their lives.
I WOULD NEVER, EVER RECOMMEND RAISING A CHILD WITHOUT AN ADULT OF EACH SEX SOMEHOW INVOLVED AND POSITIVELY INFLUENCING THAT CHILD.
Not sure If I should post this here or in parenting but I think its an interesting topic. My friends and I were having an interesting talk the other night involving the importance of parents. Obviously both parents are important but now as we are older we discussed which one had a bigger impact on our lives.
My conclusion was that Mothers are more important in early development, however after the age of 8 I believe my father was the more important parent.
We also discussed broken homes and how it seems children raised by single Moms (with little to no biological father involvement) seemed way more prone to problems later in life than those raised by their Fathers. The way the courts favor Mothers most would think the opposite is true.
Anyone else care to share some insight/personal stories?
I was raise by a single mother. My parents divorced when I was a toddler and my biological father was absent from my life from that point on and he passed while I was a teenager. I still miss him deeply and understand why he couldn't be a part of my life. I have my fair share of issues from this experience but I was raised by a very strong woman who imparted a great deal of strength and wisdom into her children. Having two parents is the ideal but life is not always ideal. My Mom is an amazing woman and while each of her children have had struggles, we have all worked very hard to push thru them and have productive lives. Having one incredible parent can sometimes be better then having two parents.
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