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We moved to SC in early 2003 & the Southern hospitality existed as long as the people thought we were "tourists" but as soon as the locals found out we moved there from "The North" the charm turned to rudeness. A cashier at a grocery called me a "damn yankee bi***", we were accused of moving there to their steal jobs, etc. We moved to NC 5 months later (for various reasons) & the same thing happened. We just got used to it. We moved back to Ohio in late 2006 for family reasons. I don't miss the South one iota!
Gosh. I always like posts like this. Somehow or another, Southerners are uniformly two-faced, and they all talk about you behind your back. We're from Chicago, too, and never have had the first problem making a large number of friends. Could it be something about the way you're dealing with them? After all, there are important cultural differences.
Are you kidding? All I ever tried to do was be nice to people. And when it turned out they didn't like me for whatever reason, they would continue to act like my friend until they either just quit talking to me without explanation or I would find out in some other way that so-and-so doesn't want me around, so they just put up with me, because they don't want to "hurt my feelings" or they feel guilty about not liking me because I have been good to them.
I have literally been told "He was only hanging out with you because he felt guilty. He does not want to be your friend." What is so hard about saying "Look, I don't feel like we have much in common, so maybe we shouldn't be friends."?
After being burned so many times I have just learned to watch my back, whether I'm in Chicago or in Tennessee. I have also learned that giving people the benefit of the doubt and giving a lot without anything in return seems to be a waste of time in the long run.
Where in my post did I say that i didn't have any friends or had any sort of problem making them? I have plenty of friends. Unfortunately, many of them live far away from me. All I tried to say was that I have a bit of a harder time trusting people because in my 13 years in Tennessee (from the time I was 12 until 25) a lot of them didn't want to be upfront with me. God forbid I want the truth. Apparently, wanting people to be honest with me entitles me to be lonely and not have friends.
Having said that, I do think the south is friendlier to strangers than northerners. I think southerners have a "give me a reason not to like you" attitude while northerners have a "give me a reason to like you" attitude. That may be where this "fake-friendliness" thing is coming from. I don't think it's fake, I think it's just guarded. You'll get the benefit of the doubt from most southerners at first, but if you abuse that, then they'll turn on you and turn fast.
Ummm..... maybe the south is different in the part I'm familiar with. In Arkansas, there is very little genuine friendliness. Most everything is fake there.
They do not like you until you earn the right for them to like you. If you are unwilling to become carbon copies of them, they often will reject you. NO, I did NOT try to change them, or make their ways sound backwards. If anything, I kept my opinions to myself. Maybe they read my thoughts. Still, I was never accepted. The bad part is, besides a few stints away from time to time, I'm practically from there.
We moved to SC in early 2003 & the Southern hospitality existed as long as the people thought we were "tourists" but as soon as the locals found out we moved there from "The North" the charm turned to rudeness. A cashier at a grocery called me a "damn yankee bi***", we were accused of moving there to their steal jobs, etc. We moved to NC 5 months later (for various reasons) & the same thing happened. We just got used to it. We moved back to Ohio in late 2006 for family reasons. I don't miss the South one iota!
Look guys, I'm from Ohio and Illinois myself. I've dealt with Southerners from all walks of life, urban and rural, black and white, and I have NEVER gotten anything approaching even rudeness, let alone the hostility you're describing here. The way you put it, these people are practically flinging brickbats at you. WTF?
From a transplant's standpoint, I have to say this: This isn't Dayton or Chicago. The culture is decidedly different, placing a great deal more emphasis on the subtleties of interaction and mutual respect. I think where northerners screw up when they come down here, is by thinking that they can talk to a cashier or a next door neighbor or anybody else just the way they did back in Buffalo or whatever other burg they called home. After all, you would respect the cultural mores of some Arab country if you went there. The same is true if you travelled to China or Japan. After all, in Japan, nobody tell you 'No,' directly. They say, 'Maybe.' The South seems to have similar values in that regard. However, anybody with decent social skills can adapt and understand precisely what a Southerner is really saying.
Ummm..... maybe the south is different in the part I'm familiar with. In Arkansas, there is very little genuine friendliness. Most everything is fake there.
They do not like you until you earn the right for them to like you. If you are unwilling to become carbon copies of them, they often will reject you. NO, I did NOT try to change them, or make their ways sound backwards. If anything, I kept my opinions to myself. Maybe they read my thoughts. Still, I was never accepted. The bad part is, besides a few stints away from time to time, I'm practically from there.
Sorry to hear that but, like all things, your mileage may vary.
I'll say it again, the fake friendless is a greatly exaggerated stereotype. It might be true in cosmopolitan pockets, but fake friendless is not conducive to the south from what I have experienced. Seems like a cheap-shot thing to say really.
Last edited by the_pines; 08-12-2008 at 03:14 PM..
From a transplant's standpoint, I have to say this: This isn't Dayton or Chicago. The culture is decidedly different, placing a great deal more emphasis on the subtleties of interaction and mutual respect. I think where northerners screw up when they come down here, is by thinking that they can talk to a cashier or a next door neighbor or anybody else just the way they did back in Buffalo or whatever other burg they called home. After all, you would respect the cultural mores of some Arab country if you went there. The same is true if you travelled to China or Japan. After all, in Japan, nobody tell you 'No,' directly. They say, 'Maybe.' The South seems to have similar values in that regard. However, anybody with decent social skills can adapt and understand precisely what a Southerner is really saying.
Thank you for this post. I think some people fail to realize that YOU moved here and YOU have to adapt.
We moved to SC in early 2003 & the Southern hospitality existed as long as the people thought we were "tourists" but as soon as the locals found out we moved there from "The North" the charm turned to rudeness. A cashier at a grocery called me a "damn yankee bi***", we were accused of moving there to their steal jobs, etc. We moved to NC 5 months later (for various reasons) & the same thing happened. We just got used to it. We moved back to Ohio in late 2006 for family reasons. I don't miss the South one iota!
I'm sorry people from my home state were that rude, although I do wonder if you made some sort of mistake that provoked something like that. I do think that transplants change our culture, etc. even if not on purpose which is why I'm not too keen on them moving here. I don't think they're bad people or feel personal anger towards them as a whole though. One of my parents if from the North!
Here's an excellent example. Down here, kids are taught to say Yes Sir, No Sir, Yes Ma'am and No Ma'am. It's not an indication of social rank. Kids are taught to show respect to the elders (Something I've decided is a pretty darned good thing).
So, this new woman in our neighborhood moved here from New Jersey. At a social gathering, after a teenager called her "ma'am" several times, responded, "Please don't call me ma'am. That is just so subservient." Yes, she really said that. I actually cringed when I heard it. The teenager's mother simply said, "I know you mean well, but please don't undo all our hard work. Thank you." Needless to say, the woman from New Jersey had to really work hard to get back into the woman's good graces after that.
i'm just curious, and i'm not saying this is a snarky way - but if this southern woman and family were in the north and this exchange occurred, what would be the reaction? my guess is the northern woman would still be called rude, even though she said it on "her turf".
would a southern family moving north have to adapt their "yes maam and sir" ways to assimilate here? just wondering.
i'm just curious, and i'm not saying this is a snarky way - but if this southern woman and family were in the north and this exchange occurred, what would be the reaction? my guess is the northern woman would still be called rude, even though she said it on "her turf".
would a southern family moving north have to adapt their "yes maam and sir" ways to assimilate here? just wondering.
Well, I suppose so. But that really isn't the point now, is it?
It was arrogant on the part of the New Jersey woman to move down here and try to hold judgment on how another woman elects to raise her kids with some faux Politically-Correct statement. I certainly wouldn't fly to Indonesia or some other Asian country and tell children to abandon their society's prescriptives of how to treat their parents.
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