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Every time I go to a Southern State I am impressed with how friendly most of the people are. When I go back home and tell people about it, the common statement is that the friendliness down South is not real. I am told the friendliness is actually a form of passive aggressive behavior and instead the people really do not like me but were told by their parents to act polite and friendly to everyone. In reality, they are talking nasty about me behind my back as soon as I leave.
Can this be true? Is southern hospitality a fake?
Sounds like a southern version of "Minnesota Nice". It does make getting through the day a little easier, though.
Every time I go to a Southern State I am impressed with how friendly most of the people are. When I go back home and tell people about it, the common statement is that the friendliness down South is not real. I am told the friendliness is actually a form of passive aggressive behavior and instead the people really do not like me but were told by their parents to act polite and friendly to everyone. In reality, they are talking nasty about me behind my back as soon as I leave.
Can this be true? Is southern hospitality a fake?
This sounds more like the descriptions of the few people who are actually nice in the northern states. My experiences in the Northeast have literally made me have utter distrust, suspicion, and scorn for most people in general. But consider yourself lucky that you can at least receive friendliness in one region of this crapshoot country. In my predicament (and yes, I mean skin color) I would probably end up seeing the more backwards side of the South. However, I haven't really been down to the Southeast since I was an infant and as far as the Northeast is concern, the bitter encounters I've faced here couldn't possibly get any worse. However, I could be wrong about about the South of the 21st century. And honestly, I truly hope that is the case when I make a visit down there.
Last edited by Do a Barrel Roll; 08-14-2007 at 06:46 PM..
Well, since none of us will EVER know what someone else is really thinking, why bother with it? If people treat you nice, that's wonderful. For myself, I just enjoy it. Ever heard the quotation, "What you think of me is none of my business?" ;-D Personally, I love the South (but then I pretty much love everywhere I've been).
I think it depends on the individual more than the location. You have rude southern folks and you have very pleasant southern folks. It's like saying all New Yorker's are rude! Not True... SOME NY'orkers are rude but not all. I do see though how a community can influence people's politics and beliefs and thus would reflect in your personality. I had great experiences with southern people (very personable and genuine) Trust me....I can spot superficial people miles away.
Anyplace can be either or. Why are people so concerned about it? Only in very specific regions is character a problem. It boggles my mind why social politics takes front seat when many cities in the United States are falling apart or have already fallen apart. Most of it is meaningless talk to me. It just tells me what I already know, way to many people are always trying to get the upper-hand on someone else. Everybody has trouble fitting in at one time or another. Just a part of life.
Last edited by the_pines; 08-14-2007 at 06:52 PM..
Anyplace can be either or. Why are people so concerned about it? Only in very specific regions is character a problem. It boggles my mind why social politics takes front seat when many cities in the United States are falling apart or have already fallen apart. Most of it is meaningless talk to me. It just tells me what I already know, way to many people are always trying to get the upper-hand on someone else. Everybody has trouble fitting in at one time or another. Just a part of life.
Well, I believe that social politics are extremely important in human interactions. The reason there is so much conflict, wars and hatred is because we don't see eye to eye on important matters and our inability to compromise. I would say it's the MOST serious problem in our nation and I don't see people giving it the attention it deserves.
I am a southerner, and I can say that on the surface they are freindlier, but it is more of a "good manners" kind of way. I think Southerners are less direct that Northerners, so yes, somewhat fake.
I actually prefer the directness and candor of Northerners.
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As a multigenerational southerner who spent a lot of time with people from other parts of the country, I try to blend the best of both.
Yes, Southerners (especially in areas not known for getting a lot of migrants from other parts of the country) are somewhat fake. As somebody above said, it depends on the individual. Still, you can make some generalizations, albeit cautiously.
When people say Southerners are "friendly", they should really say "polite". It's true - Southerners are by far the more courteous people - especially in relation to the urban Northeast. The downside is that they're not as honest about how they feel about something (which almost can't be helped if you think about it). Urban Northeasterners, by contrast, can be pretty abrasive at times (especially on the street or in the store, or some other social situation in which you don't know the person intimately), but on the other hand they are more believable than the more polite southerners.
Me? Personally? I try to be both polite and candor. Particularly, when I have something unpleasant to say, I will be sincere and actually have genuine concern for the other's feelings. In this case, when I say "I'm sorry to tell you this" or "You're not going to like what I have to say", etc., I will say so WITHOUT a sugar-sweet sounding voice (that can easily be interpreted as patronizing or condescending). Note well that both your tone and the substance of your comments are equally important.
Ultimately, the best way to avoid sounding condescending is to not be the type to put on sugar-sweet airs in the first place (this - I'm sorry to say - patronizing impression seems especially noticeable among Southern women, particularly upper-middle class ones. Not that even most Southern upper middle class women are this way. It's just that when that tone appears, it's usually among upper middle class females.)
To summarize, if repeat, I think I struck a respectable balance between Northeastern candor and Southern politeness. Regardless of what balance you strike, the keys are (a) know how to broach unpleasant topics with concern for other's feelings and (b) value true honesty.
Ok, there are limits even for me (for example, I wouldn't tell a truly overweight woman she was fat, or ugly, or even if her clothes frankly sucked [at least in public]). Even so, I do try to do in accordance to the above.
Every time I go to a Southern State I am impressed with how friendly most of the people are. When I go back home and tell people about it, the common statement is that the friendliness down South is not real. I am told the friendliness is actually a form of passive aggressive behavior and instead the people really do not like me but were told by their parents to act polite and friendly to everyone. In reality, they are talking nasty about me behind my back as soon as I leave.
Can this be true? Is southern hospitality a fake?
It can be fake at times. But for the most part, its just second nature to us. Some times I'm friendly to people even if I don't really like them. Its just the Southern way. In Virginia we have a lot of northerners who come to visit Colonial Williamsburg and Richmond and want to see the "history" we have here and stop at the local plantations on Rt 5. and I'm glad because they help the local economy and spend money where us locals know better not to
This sounds more like the descriptions of the few people who are actually nice in the northern states. My experiences in the Northeast have literally made me have utter distrust, suspicion, and scorn for most people in general. But consider yourself lucky that you can at least receive friendliness in one region of this crapshoot country. In my predicament (and yes, I mean skin color) I would probably end up seeing the more backwards side of the South. However, I haven't really been down to the Southeast since I was an infant and as far as the Northeast is concern, the bitter encounters I've faced here couldn't possibly get any worse. However, I could be wrong about about the South of the 21st century. And honestly, I truly hope that is the case when I make a visit down there.
Don't you reside in Virginia?
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